Top 10 So Bad They're Good Movies You've Never Heard of
#10: “Invasion of the Bee Girls” (1973)
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The drive-in movie is a quintessential piece of Americana that has gained something of a new lease on life in recent years. “Invasion of the Bee Girls” is one of the, well, “B” movies that frequented the drive-in circuit back in its golden years, and it’s easy to see why. The story is pure exploitation, as mutated women with the sexual proclivities of bees begin exhausting men to the point of death. It’s trashy cheese at its meltiest, yet “Invasion of the Bee Girls” plays it straight enough that it never becomes truly parodic or boring. Instead, the film (starring former “The Price Is Right” model Anitra Ford) serves up some ‘70s nostalgia for the secret sleazebag in us all.
#9: “Titanic: The Legend Goes On” (2000)
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No, you’re not imagining things: this really IS a “Titanic-sploitation” movie. Producer and occasional director Camillo Teti helmed this animated fever dream back in 2000, an assault on good taste and proof that the infamous Italian exploitation film industry of the ‘70s and ‘80s never truly went away. “Titanic: The Legend Goes On” even received varying dubs and edits, meaning that the plot changes drastically depending on whether you’re watching the uncut Italian version or the edited American one. This latter version barely runs an hour-long, but you’ll still be confused and perplexed at the glaring lapses in logic, clunky animation, and cringe-worthy jokes. Honestly? It’s impressively bad stuff that you may just want to see for yourself!
#8: “Yor, the Hunter from the Future” (1983)
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Antonio Margheriti’s “Yor, Hunter from the Future,” makes its presence known almost immediately with one bangin’ earworm of a theme song. Musical awesomeness aside, the film was a huge rental hit back in the 1980s, despite “Yor’s” negative critical reputation. Then again, film critics never did tend to warm to the quirky sword and sorcery that “Yor” offers from the jump. Bloody prehistoric battles, awkward performances, and one HARD story swerve near the back end made “Yor” stand out from many of “Conan” worshiping brethren. Reb Brown cuts a fine B-movie hero, as well, although we’re pretty sure Schwarzenegger wasn’t exactly worried about any competition.
#7: “Best F(r)iends” (2017)
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Fans of “The Room” who need just a little more masochistic fun in their lives might want to check out “Best F(r)iends,” a film written by the co-star of that film, Greg Sestero. The flick reunites Sestero with his “Room” co-star Tommy Wiseau, and allows the latter to try and prove that his legacy could be something a bit more than creating “so bad it’s good” cinema. Does “Best F(r)iends” achieve this aim? No… not it doesn’t. Kudos to Sestero for trying, however, and it’s honestly nice to see Wiseau in a better-constructed film with a larger budget. You can’t help but root for the guy, and “Best F(r)iends” is a great way of Wiseau getting one more shot at the spotlight.
#6: “Pinocchio’s Revenge” (1996)
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Old school horror fans know that the direct-to-video market can be a treasure trove of forgotten goodness, just waiting to be rediscovered. “Pinocchio’s Revenge” just might be one of those movies, a strange slasher film directed by Kevin S. Tenney, who helmed the original “Night of the Demons.” Sure, “Pinocchio’s Revenge” leans hard on the “killer doll” archetype originated by “The Twilight Zone’s Talking Tina and Chucky from the “Child’s Play” franchise, but it does so with a twist that casual viewers might not see coming. We’re not going to spoil it here, but “Pinocchio’s Revenge” manages to strike a nice balance between the expected and the unexpected.
#5: “Miami Connection” (1987)
The profile of 1987’s “Miami Connection” has admittedly been raised a bit in recent years, thanks to a home video release and a repertory run that re-introduced the film to a modern audience. You’d be hard pressed to find many who saw “Miami Connection” during its original run, however, thanks to poor sales and even worse reviews. And, although we can certainly see why this was initially the case, watching “Miami Connection” with a group of friends (and perhaps through a lens of postmodern irony), things can change very quickly. The awkward dialogue becomes charming, the plot holes hilarious, and the fight choreography… well, surprisingly solid. Oh, and we can’t forget the fictional band, Dragon Sound. “TAE-KWON-DO!!”
#4: “The Devil’s Rain” (1975)
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Hey, do you know how the Michael Myers mask from “Halloween” was an altered Captain Kirk replica from “Star Trek?” Did you ever wonder what that face might look like in the flesh? Well, look no further than 1975’s “The Devil’s Rain,” where William Shatner himself boasts a pair of black eyes, “the devil’s eyes.” The film itself is indicative of a post “Exorcist” world where Satanic and occult themes were all the rage, and there’s some truly awesome devil makeup on Ernest Borgnine. “Church of Satan” founder Anton LaVey was even an advisor on the film, but don’t expect “The Devil’s Rain” to explain much about what’s going on. Instead, just turn your brain off and enjoy all the goopy, melty fun.
#3: “The Apple” (1980)
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The 1970s and ‘80s were full of rock operas that were born out of the sort of impossibly bad ideas one can only gestate under the influence of illegal substances. The “Sgt. Pepper’s” movie was one, while 1980’s “The Apple” is another, born from the team of Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus, from the infamous production company, Cannon Films. Golan directed the film, which used the futuristic setting of, ahem, “1994” to stage a flashy, glittery ode to Biblical allegory, artistic freedom… and sequins. A lot of sequins. “The Apple” is honestly a blast, albeit perhaps not in the way Golan initially intended, a disco and funk-fused trip that’s best enjoyed with good friends and a pinch of salt.
#2: “Never Too Young to Die” (1986)
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The cast of “Never Too Young to Die” basically sells itself, a prime example of ‘80s cheese begging for you to sit down and watch. A young John Stamos, Vanity at the peak of her popularity, Gene Simmons as an unforgettable villain… heck, even Freddy Krueger himself, Robert Englund, shows up for the fun! “Never Too Young to Die” varies wildly in tone, but never forgets to be fun. Stamos and Vanity look great on-screen, while Simmons shamelessly chews the scenery. Although the latter’s hermaphroditic character could be considered today by some to be offensive, Simmons puts in a performance with gleeful wit and charisma, unafraid to push boundaries. Heck, Stamos himself called it, “the best worst thing you will ever see.” Before we name our number one pick, here are some honorable mentions! “Death Bed: The Bed that Eats” (1977) Indescribable Art House Schlock “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” (1964) What Will “Laserblast” (1978) A Mystery Science Theater Favorite “Rad” (1986) BMX & a Bitchin’ Pop Soundtrack “Eight Legged Freaks” (2002) A Fun Homage to Creature Features
#1: “Planet of Dinosaurs” (1977)
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The poster for “Planet of Dinosaurs” is undeniably awesome. The stop-motion creature effects are also pretty damn good for such a low-budget film. This doesn’t necessarily mean that “Planet of Dinosaurs” was destined for classic status, of course, as many bad movie fans today revel in the pedestrian acting, stilted pacing, and overall weirdness that defines this late ‘70s curiosity. “Planet of Dinosaurs” is the sort of film where watching YouTube reviews or riff commentaries are sometimes better than watching the real thing, as there are plenty of dull spots. That said, the film has earned its “so bad it’s good” reputation perhaps because of this reappraisal by modern-day film fans. And isn’t that the point? Giving these old flicks a new lease on life?
