Top 10 Grossest Anime Relationships (Ft. Todd Haberkorn)

“Oreimo” (2010-13) Well, well, well. We meet again Kirino. I’ve gone on the Haber-record countless times to voice my disapproval about how such a brat of a character didn’t earn the right to get the boy of her dreams, especially considering the fact he was her brother. Apparently verbal abuse, deception and getting isolated from all the other ladies in his life was actually kind of a turn on for Kyousuke, who stupidly decided that there was nothing wrong with getting hitched to his sibling when all was said and done. Enjoy your mutant children.

“Death Note” (2006-07) A textbook example of an abusive relationship through the prism of mental manipulation instead of outright violence. Just how Light likes it. Granted, Misa had pretty much come out of the gate saying all she wanted in life was to be his girlfriend no matter what. It didn’t matter if he was actually a mass murderer with a messiah complex, or if he saw her as a tool to be used as he wished, it was all worth it as long as she could claim to be Kira’s squeeze. Bad news Misa, he cheated on you and planned to replace you with a sexy newscaster. Maybe you should have tried getting L’s number instead…

“Koi Kaze” (2004) The sole focus of this anime is the exploration of a relationship doomed to fail. Not because the couple involved are bad people or that they don’t love each other, in fact they’re totally crazy about one another. So, what’s the problem? Well...turns out that they’re actually brother and sister. Oops. It’s a pretty painful viewing experience, since we get to know just how much these two adore one another, but obviously can’t cross that forbidden line. I guess they’ll just have to tough it out, get some therapy and – oh, wait, hang on, they ended up doing the deed. Damn it, now you’ve made it awkward!

“Baccano” (2007) Pretty sure the reason nobody has called out these two on how sickening their coupling is comes from the very real possibility of Ladd stomping them into paste. You see, this murdering lunatic doesn’t see Lua as a lover, more as his precious victim. Their most romantic moments involve him discussing at length at how he can’t wait to take his time killing her. You’d think Lua would be a little disturbed by this but nah, she’s pretty chill with it to be honest. Please, spare us the honeymoon photos…

“Loveless” (2005) Now some might just call me old fashion, but if I came across an abandoned and abused twelve year old boy who just so happened to be part cat, I’d hand him over to the proper authorities right away…not take him home and have my wicked way with him. Don’t you dare try and dress this up with a plot involving murder, secret organisations and other crap like that, this is still a story about a guy in his twenties stating his love for an underage child, and the series wants us to find their relationship…touching? Now I’m not going to be able look my cats in the eyes for a week.

“The Seven Deadly Sins” (2014-18) Ah yes, the reincarnated trope. If employed properly, a couple that finds themselves drawn together though multiple incarnations over vast timelines can come across as both engaging and beautiful. This is not one of those times. We’ve got nothing against the Dragon Sin of Wrath, or the fact he’s obviously eager to make sweet vice with the princess…or at least we didn’t until we learned that he knew all along that Elizabeth was the reincarnation of his deceased lover. This means he watched her grow up from the time she was an infant knowing that one day he was destined to tap that anew. On second thought, I’m rooting for the demons.

#4: Ren and Haru

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Top 10 Fire Power Users in Anime (ft. Todd Haberkorn)

“Super Lovers” (2016-17) Is it really too much to ask for us to just get a heartfelt story between two gay lovers and leave it at that? You have to go the extra mile and give as a story about a far older guy trying to “civilise” his newfound sibling via some touchy-feely action. You’d think that Haru coming across as more like a dog than a young boy would make things uncomfortable enough, but nope, the frequent assertions that they are indeed brothers takes care of that. Why couldn’t I be the ones who got amnesia instead?

“Yosuga no Sora” (2010) I suppose in some small way we should be grateful that these two decided to give into their urges and do the nasty. It taught a valuable lesson about how if you don’t lock your doors when attempting the downward dog, you’re liable to be caught in the act by all the other girls you’ve been crushing on. Or maybe that’s just Haruka, who seems oddly perplexed that his housemates would have an issue with discovering that he’d been playing the R Rated version of leap frog with sister dearest in the hallway.

“Papa to Kiss in the Dark” (2005) I am going to try and get through this synopsis without vomiting my guts out. Let’s do this. So, our two romantic leads, a grown ass man and a first year high schooler, are involved in an intimate sexual relationship. They’re also father and son. But oh no, there’s trouble in paradise when Mira finds out that he might actually be adopted and NOT being boned by his actual daddy. It’s okay though, as after the most needlessly complicated family tree is explained, Kyousuke turns out to be his uncle instead, and all is well with the world. Alright…I think I’m oka – (vomits violently)

“Kodomo no Jikan” (2007) Teacher and student relationships in anime aren’t exactly uncommon, and a lot of the time are used as a narrative tool for all manner of outlandish comedy and dark drama. There is however, a tricky tightrope one must cross when crafting such a series. No matter how gripping the story, how tender the romance, how hilarious the interactions – it will not work if the student involved is SEVEN YEARS OLD! Oh sure, these two don’t do the unthinkable, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t plenty of innuendos and a clear focus on how Rin is way too eager to be taught the birds and the bees by her teacher. Someone pass me the bleach.