Top 20 Worst Things Stewie Griffin has Ever Done
#20: Putting Chris Under Mind Control
“The Story on Page One” Stewie Griffin is quite the little genius, and he’s often tinkering with elaborate toys and devices. In season two’s “The Story on Page One,” he creates a mind control machine that he proceeds to use on Chris. Taking away his older brother’s agency and putting him under his own control is certainly deplorable, but it goes even further. You see, Stewie manipulates Chris and attempts to use his older brother’s stature and strength to, you guessed it, attempt matricide. This whole scheme is running afoul of some serious felonies, not to mention the moral toll success would have taken. Luckily for both Lois and Chris, the device short-circuits when Chris gets too close to the microwave.
#19: Taking Brian’s Car for a Joyride
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“Stewie Goes for a Drive” Stewie is very excitable, and he likes having fun. But, sometimes that fun clashes with other people’s very valuable belongings. After Brian picks up Stewie from a playdate, he also lets him stay in the car a little longer so Stewie can finish listening to Carrie Underwood. The latter accidentally puts the car in drive, and while he stops it before anything bad can happen, the incident plants a horrible idea in his mind. Heeding the call of adventure, Stewie decides to steal Brian’s car and takes it for a joyride through Quahog. Unsurprisingly, Stewie ends up totaling the vehicle when he smashes into a pole. Brian is none too happy about it, and for good reason!
#18: The Lemonade Stand Incident
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“Bango Was His Name, Oh!” This joke was originally seen in “Stewie Griffin: The Untold Story,” a direct-to-video movie that was later split into three episodes. Stewie tries selling lemonade in front of the house, but no one gives him the time of day. Fed up with the lack of attention (and money), Stewie assaults a passerby with a baseball bat. After knocking the man out with a blow to the head, Stewie raids his wallet and steals $6. To add insult to literal injury, Stewie proceeds to dump a cup of lemonade over the man’s unconscious body. This adorable business venture went from 0 to 100 real quick.
#17: The Motel Transaction
Top 10 Worst Things Stewie Griffin Has Ever Done
“Road to Rhode Island” In this classic episode, Brian volunteers to pick up Stewie from Palm Springs and bring him back home. In traditional “Family Guy” fashion, many shenanigans ensue. Also in traditional “Family Guy” fashion, at least one of these shenanigans results in a death. While staying at a shoddy motel, Stewie overhears an illicit transaction in the next room. Unable to sleep with the noise, he yells through the wall and informs the seller that the buyer is wearing a wire. We fear a man – or baby – who would end a man’s life to get a night’s rest… and actually get the night’s rest after it’s done!
#16: His Suggestion in the Bank Vault
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“Brian & Stewie” This standout bottle episode sees Brian and Stewie getting trapped inside a bank vault. In a break from the traditional “Family Guy” formula, the episode is mostly played straight, with only a small number of humorous scenes. But, when the humor does arrive, it arrives hard and gross. Scared at the prospect of being trapped, Stewie’s stomach grows upset and he dirties his diaper. He then becomes worried that he’s get a diaper rash, so he attempts to coerce Brian into… Well, just watch the clip. It doesn’t work at first, but Brian eventually hits Stewie and…cleans his diaper by way of apology. It’s disgusting, and the scene resulted in quite a bit of criticism being levied against the show.
#15: Picking Off Cleveland
“Lois Kills Stewie” A lot of death was doled out during this two-parter. Or was it? In the second half, “Lois Kills Stewie,” Stewie violently bosses around his family with a gun. It’s just then that Cleveland waltzes through the door, telling them that he’s “just checking in.” Whether out of surprise or anger, Stewie turns and shoots Cleveland almost immediately after he enters. The wound quickly proves fatal, and Cleveland slumps to the floor. Thankfully, the whole thing turns out to be a computer simulation experienced by Stewie. So, no, he never technically killed Cleveland. But, as the simulation proves, he would have if given the opportunity! Which, honestly… Yeah, doesn’t come as that much of a shock.
#14: Kidnapping Bart’s Enemies
“The Simpsons Guy” And people think Bart Simpson is bad! “The Simpsons Guy” is a crossover episode between what are probably the two most-watched American animated comedies of our time. It’s pretty incredible, and the episode does a great job of contrasting the two shows’ different styles of comedy. While both Bart and Stewie play the rebel roles in their respective families, this crossover shows just how different these roles are. While Bart engages in some rather harmless pranks, Stewie’s mischief is… not so harmless. He ends up abducting the people who make Bart’s life hell, subjecting them to traps that would make Jigsaw proud. It’s all too much for Bart, who decides to call off the new friendship on account of Stewie being a total creep.
#13: Abandoning Mother Teresa
“Peter's Two Dads” “Family Guy” has never been afraid of making some dark jokes, and that includes an OD’d Mother Teresa. In the episode “Peter's Two Dads,” Stewie makes a comment about the Catholic nun and some rather poor life choices she must have made to end up the way she does in this episode. The whole thing takes place in the backseat of the prodigy’s car where, against the advice of his companion, a panicked Stewie decides to abandon the Mother Teresa in front of a hospital. We have so many questions.
#12: Freezing a Security Guard in Carbonite
“Chitty Chitty Death Bang” It doesn’t take long for Stewie to start acting out – as in, like, the third episode. In “Chitty Chitty Death Bang,” Stewie misinterprets the meaning of his first birthday and believes that he will be reinserted into Lois’s womb. To escape this fate, Stewie attempts to flee Quahog via the airport. While there, he is reported as a lost child and taken in by a kind security guard named Henry. Henry talks him through the ordeal and, in exchange, Stewie freezes the kindly old man in carbonite. Now that wasn’t very nice.
#11: The Whole Thing with Jeremy
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“8 Simple Rules for Buying My Teenage Daughter” The only infraction that Jeremy committed was being the boyfriend of Stewie’s crush. Stewie falls for his babysitter, LaDawn, and grows irate when he learns that she has a boyfriend named Jeremy. In a desperate and very misguided attempt to win her over, Stewie kidnaps Jeremy and locks him in the trunk of Brian’s car. We never learn the fate of Jeremy, but he is still missing after two weeks, so… it’s not looking good. His fate is seemingly confirmed in the episode “Coma Guy,” as Peter sees Jeremy alongside other dead characters.
#10: Creating “Evil Stewie”
“The Hand That Rocks the Wheelchair” If you thought normal Stewie was bad, just wait until you hear about Evil Stewie. He’s accidentally created in response to a playground incident, as Stewie feels that he is growing too soft. Unfortunately, Evil Stewie is far more depraved than anyone could imagine. Complete with his inversed color-coordination, the counterpart goes on a rampage throughout Quahog. This includes violently killing numerous citizens, drinking the Kool-Aid Man’s contents, and doing some pretty horrific things to Brian. It’s all too much, even for OG Stewie, who teams up with Brian in an attempt to quell his out-of-control creation. This all could have been avoided if Stewie just embraced his softer side!
#9: Bertram’s End
“The Big Bang Theory” Bertram is Stewie’s biological half brother, as he was born through artificial insemination. The two have long been enemies - with Stewie even attempting to erase Bertram from existence all the way back in season three. In the ninth season episode “The Big Bang Theory,” Bertram returns the favor and tries to erase Stewie by killing his distant ancestor, Leonardo da Vinci. While he is successful in disposing of the Renaissance painter, the plan results in his own death, with Stewie using Bertram’s crossbow against him. Although this show has a penchant for bringing dead characters back to life, so far, that hasn’t happened with Bertram. Nope, Stewie’s half brother is truly dead and gone.
#8: Kidnapping Charlie
“The Kiss Seen Around the World” As we learned from “The Simpsons Guy,” Stewie Griffin does not take kindly to tormentors. That’s quite ironic, considering he’s the biggest tormentor of the show, but we digress! Stewie is ecstatic when he gets a new tricycle, but his joy is quickly replaced with anger when the tricycle is stolen by a seven-year-old kid named Charlie. Once again, we see Stewie abducting and attempting to inflict great misery on another character. Charlie’s just lucky Lois interrupted when she did. Others haven’t been nearly as fortunate. One thing’s for sure: playing house with Stewie does not make for a fun playdate.
#7: Putting an End to New Brian
“The Man with Two Brians” Believing that Brian is getting up there in age, Peter decides to adopt a new dog. He is suitably named New Brian, and he instantly hits it off with the family. However, living in the house with his own replacement understandably upsets Brian, and he moves out. New Brian also gets on Stewie’s nerves, as he dislikes the dog’s constant positivity and friendly nature. Wanting the old Brian back, and feeling upset about a particular transgression, Stewie decides to off New Brian. While the act itself occurs offscreen, we see Stewie disposing of the dog’s remains in a garbage bag. We can only imagine what kind of horrors he levied on that poor canine.
#6: Beating Up Brian
“Patriot Games” Stewie takes a page out of organized crime in this divisive episode from season four, where he becomes a bookie and takes bets on a “Celebrity Boxing” match between Mike Tyson and Carol Channing. Brian bets $50 on Tyson, who proceeds to lose in a shocking upset. The former doesn’t take Stewie seriously and refuses to pay up, prompting the angry baby to take brutal action. Let’s just say he’s rather creative with his violence. Suffice to say, Stewie was serious, and Brian definitely learned that lesson the hard way.
#5: Watching Dr. Pritchfield Die
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“Send in Stewie, Please” “Family Guy” won huge with guest star Ian McKellen. He plays Dr. Cecil Pritchfield, a child psychologist who sits down with Stewie for therapy. The kind man gets Stewie to open up, and he begins to reveal deeper and more complex aspects of his character - like the fact that he actually speaks with an American accent! However, these secrets prove to be Dr. Pritchfield’s downfall. He begins to experience a heart attack and asks Stewie for help. But, the infant would rather Pritchfield take his secrets to the grave, so he allows him to die in agony. Here’s a rare instance where we actually see Stewie guilt-ridden about something…
#4: Offing Brian’s Brother
“Hannah Banana” Stewie is both adorable and horribly wicked, and that is on full display in “Hannah Banana.” The episode begins with him desperately wanting tickets to a Hannah Montana concert. Sometimes we forget that he really is just a child. Brian refuses to help Stewie in his endeavor, but, of course, the latter has some fairly effective persuasion tactics up his sleeve. He tracks down all eight of Brian’s siblings and threatens harm to them if Brian doesn’t comply. One explosive collar later, Brian has only seven siblings and the Miley Cyrus fan gets his way.
#3: His Attempt on Olivia Fuller
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“Chick Cancer” Like Bertram, Stewie has shared a long rivalry with child actress Olivia Fuller. The two briefly collaborated in the episode “From Method to Madness,” but they eventually split owing to creative differences. The two reconnect in “Chick Cancer,” and, unsurprisingly, the old bickering returns and the two fall out once again. Olivia begins playing with another boy named Victor, and in a moment of intense jealousy and rage, Stewie burns the cardboard house with both Olivia and Victor inside. The episode ends without closure, leaving us to wonder about their fates. However, Olivia would appear again in season fifteen, proving that she survived the inferno. We’re not sure about poor Victor, though…
#2: The Home Invasion on Christmas
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“Road to the North Pole” What better way for “Family Guy” to celebrate the holidays than having Stewie and Brian commit a home invasion? They take on the role of Santa and break into their first house by shattering a window. Their racket quickly draws the attention of the homeowner and, to prevent him from calling the cops, Stewie beats him over the head with a baseball bat. Things only get worse from there. The baby knocks out the man’s wife and duct tapes their young daughter to ensure their silence. Best of all - they were in the wrong house the whole time! We never see the family again but, considering the brutal extent of the father’s injuries, it’s probably safe to assume the worst.
#1: His Disdain for Lois
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“Stewie Kills Lois” Stewie has long harbored thoughts of matricide, and he finally gets his wish in season six’s “Stewie Kills Lois.” To prove to Brian that he’s not all talk, Stewie goes through with everything by shooting his mom on a cruise ship. Or, at least he thinks he does. Lois was actually rescued by a reverse merman and eventually returns to Quahog to expose Stewie. While this whole thing was a simulation, the fact that Stewie was willing to rig up a scenario like this in the first place speaks volumes about his depraved and maniacal mind.