Top 20 Hilarious Action Movie One Liners
#20: “You're the Rocket Man”
"The Rock" (1996) What do you do when you’re facing a man who wants to kill you? Ask about his taste in music? Well, that’s the strategy that Nicolas Cage’s Stanley Goodspeed takes in “The Rock” when confronted by Tony Todd’s Captain Darrow. It’s an unlikely moment of dialogue, but one that the writing team (which included an uncredited Quentin Tarantino) evidently included as setup for the one-liner that follows. As he delivers the line, the plucky agent fires a missile into Darrow, who’s very conveniently standing right in front of it. It’s a tad cumbersome, but fits with the idea that Cage’s character is keeping up with Sean Connery’s James Bond-esque former special forces captain.
#19: “And You Go in Pieces”
“I Come in Peace” (1990) This sci-fi flick starring Dolph Lundgren has mostly been forgotten, but it did feature some memorable one-liners, at least in the “so-bad-it’s-good” sense. Lungren’s character Jack Caine, a hard boiled Texas detective, has to catch a drug dealer before his narcotics claim more lives. Oh, and the drug dealer is from outer space. All the intergalactic bad guy can really say is “I come in peace”. This prompts Caine’s response when he blows the dealer to bits ... It’s hard not to chuckle or at least smirk. Which is kind of true for a lot of the movie.
#18: "Machete Don't Text"
"Machete" (2010) Danny Trejo’s Machete is simply stating a fact, in response to love interest Sartana Rivera. However, it’s the dry delivery that makes this moment funny and guarantees it sticks in the audience’s minds. Though only three words, it manages to encapsulate a lot about the hero as well as prompting us to ask more questions. Why doesn’t Machete text? Does he have no-one to text? Does he know how to use a cellphone? The line actually reflects actor Danny Trejo’s real life attitude to sending text messages.
#17: "I'm Not Wearing Hockey Pads"
"The Dark Knight" (2008) One of the key aspects of Christopher Nolan’s “The Dark Knight Trilogy” was how seriously the Batman world was taken. Gone were the ridiculous puns and jokes that had derailed the franchise in Joel Schumacher’s movies. Though the dialogue didn’t lack humor altogether, it was still surprising to hear Christian Bale’s Caped Crusader utter a quip of his own. When warning off copy-cat vigilantes, he’s challenged to explain why. His answer is straight to the point. If nothing else, Batman is honest! Whilst the line works as a real scene closer, it’s also foreshadowing as well, since the fake Batman he’s warning ends up captured and killed by the Joker.
#16: “It's Just Been Revoked”
“Lethal Weapon 2” (1989) Although many of the franchise’s best quips are reserved for Mel Gibson’s Martin Riggs, it’s Danny Glover’s straight-laced Roger Murtaugh who utters this great line. Given the context, it’s even more satisfying. After spending much of “Lethal Weapon 2” trying to talk his partner down from crossing any line against South African Consul-General Arjen Rudd, Murtaugh fires the fatal bullet. The racist Rudd thought he was untouchable with his “diplomatic immunity”, but Roger had other ideas. We’re not sure what the legal and political ramifications were though…
#15: “Welcome to Earth”
“Independence Day” (1996) Roland Emmerich’s iconic disaster film achieved several things at once. It gave us visuals that were groundbreaking for their time and hold up today. In fact, they even helped Dr. Evil hold the world hostage. But most importantly, the movie helped turn rapper and comedy actor Will Smith into a leading blockbuster action star. This particular one-liner, delivered by Smith after a dog-fight with an alien craft, cemented how adept he was on the big screen. It’s funny, catchy and fits perfectly with his character.
#14: “Puny God”
“The Avengers” (2012) In earlier films, dialogue wasn’t really one of the MCU Hulk’s strongest points. Yet, whenever he did drop a line, it was golden. His final line towards the end of “The Incredible Hulk” was catchy, but expected. After all, “Hulk Smash” is kinda his catchphrase. Another, perhaps lesser known one, is the green giant’s preference to describe things as “puny.” Since many things really are puny to Dr. Bruce Banner’s gamma radiation-created alter-ego, it makes sense. After Loki points out he’s a god, Hulk replies by smashing him into the floor and uttering this shade to drive home the point …
#13: “I'm Taller”
"Speed" (1994) Keanu Reeves has had his fair share of one liners, but this one is both memorable and tickles our funny bone. About to meet his maker as he fights atop a runaway subway train, Keanu Reeves’ Jack Traven uses his height as leverage. He pushes baddie Howard Payne, played by Dennis Hopper, upwards towards a railway signal hanging from the tunnel ceiling, causing Payne to lose his head. Payne’s taunts about how much smarter he is may not be false, but Officer Traven’s one-liner is a short and sweet truth-bomb.
#12: “Stick Around”
“Predator” (1987) You must have known Arnie would be here somewhere! When it comes to movie one-liners, Arnold Schwarzenegger is a machine. And “Predator” contains no shortage of zingers. The most quoted include “If it bleeds, we can kill it” and the obvious “get to the chopper”. When it comes to funny one liners, we get two in quick succession. There’s “knock knock” as Dutch bashes his way through a door. And right before that, this line as he pins an enemy to a wall with a machete … We have to give an honorary mention though to this line uttered by co-star Jesse “The Body” Ventura as Blain Cooper ...
#11: “Always Trying to Ice Skate Uphill”
"Blade" (1998) Vampire Deacon Frost has big dreams: a brave new world where he can rule over vampires and humans alike with the powers of the god La Magra. However, Wesley Snipes’s Blade isn’t easily impressed, even during their climactic final battle. After he uses syringes to turn Frost’s body into a pincushion, he drops this line … It’s a startling remark, since ice skating really has nothing to do with Frost or vampires in general. But it’s scathing, dismissive, and sort of out of nowhere, which is why it elicits a chuckle.
#10: “He Had to Split”
“The Running Man (1987) C’mon, you must have known he’d be back! For 1987’s “The Running Man” Arnold Schwarzenegger takes on the role of Ben Richards, a framed police helicopter pilot. After escaping incarceration, Richards finds himself in a violent game show that kills off its contestants. Stephen King wrote the novel that the movie is based on, but this line, after Richards garrottes Subzero, belongs to screenplay writer Steven E. de Souza. … Even better though is Arnie’s line after he cuts Buzzsaw in two … Yes, we see what you did there.
#9: “An Inflated Opinion of Himself"
"Live and Let Die" (1973) There are some things about James Bond that don’t change, no matter who plays him. They include vodka martinis (shaken, not stirred); Q’s gadgets; and 007s penchant for puns, quips and post-kill one-liners. Though a dark sense of humor permeated the books, the movie incarnations shot off one-liners like there was no tomorrow. The world is not enough for Bond, who can’t live and let die without a pun. Many came from Roger Moore’s Bond, and of them, the all time high is this little gem, uttered after blowing up Dr. Kananga with a gas pellet.
#8: “No Ticket!”
"Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade" (1989) For this adventure, Harrison Ford’s intrepid archeologist was joined by former James Bond Sean Connery.= Henry Jones Sr. had his own fair share of humorous lines. But the most hilarious line in the film went to Ford. After punching a Nazi officer and defenestrating him from a zeppelin, Jones turns to the shocked passengers. His explanation is simple … Their panicked reaction is the cherry on top. It’s a short and sweet one-liner that guarantees a laugh, while also fitting in well with the style and tone of the franchise.
#7: “I Have Had It …”
"Snakes on a Plane" (2006) 2006’s “Snakes on a Plane” is an enigma. What started out as a goofy idea for a movie became a bit of a joke online, and then ultimately a cult film. Samuel L. Jackson’s involvement, which came about without him reading the script, was bound to have his trademark expletives all over it, and apparently the movie had reshoots to add more! Obviously, we’d get into quite a bit of trouble if we played the full one-liner without censoring the naughty words. But we’re pretty sure you know what’s going on beneath the bleeps.
#6: “I Think He Got the Point”
"Thunderball" (1965) We’ve already had James Bond, and we’ve seen Sean Connery a few times already. But finally the two together officially join this list. The first man to play Bond on the big screen also pioneered a few of the suave spy’s habits. Thanks to Connery, 007 got his unique way of introducing himself when the actor ad-libbed “Bond, James Bond” in “Dr. No.” As Connery progressed, so too did the secret agent’s quips, despite there being few in the novels. Some miss the mark, but others like “Thunderball’s”, are definitely on target, thanks to the simple delivery, and smoothness of Connery’s voice.
#5: “Consider That a Divorce”
"Total Recall" (1990) Based on Philip K. Dick’s short story “We Can Remember It for You Wholesale", “Total Recall” is a classic sci-fi adventure that’s recognized as one of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s best films. It doesn’t have a lot of humor, but the one-liners that Arnie does get are gold. After realizing that he’s really a secret agent with fake memories, Douglas Quaid goes on the run, with the enemy - and his fake “wife” Lori - hot on his heels. Lori tries to appeal to his fake memories of their relationship, but Quaid sees through her tricks …
#4: “How Do You Like Your Ribs?”
“Action Jackson” (1988) With a title like “Action Jackson” it’s not hard to imagine what kind of movie you’re going to get from this 1988 action flick. In fact, all the star Carl Weathers had was a vague idea and the title, prompted from a conversation on-set with “Predator” producer Joel Silver. From there, writer crafted the story of Detective Sergeant Jericho “Action” Jackson, who’s framed for murder during an investigation. When Jackson is captured, this one-liner is set up by one of the bad guys, who declares that they’re going to barbeque Jackson. A barbeque was had, alright, but it was Jackson who did the cooking.
#3: “The Blood Bank”
“Hard to Kill” (1990) Is this line supposed to be funny? Well, maybe it’s debatable? But it’s certainly delivered very seriously. Steven Seagal’s character Mason Storm, an LA detective, delivers this line to a blank television. He’s reminiscing about his younger self watching the same TV. Perhaps we shouldn’t be surprised that a character named Storm is so dramatic! But it’s still pretty funny when he thinks about corrupt Senator Vernon Trent and delivers this beauty. The best moment is how, after giving the one-liner, Seagal turns away, as though he wished he hadn’t said it.
#2: “Let Off Some Steam”
“Commando” (1985) The Austrian Oak had only seventeen lines in “The Terminator.” And while some were iconic, we’re glad he got more dialogue in the following year’s film “Commando”. In fact, practically every line said by Arnie’s Special Forces Colonel John Matrix could have been a worthy entry to this list. Veteran action movie writer Steven E. de Souza actually tailored the script to Schwarzenegger, as he knew the former Mr. Universe could pull off a character full of quips. There can only be one favorite from “Commando” though, and that is the line after Matrix impales bad guy Bennett with a sauna pipe …
#1: “All Out of Bubblegum”
“They Live” (1988) When it came to casting the drifter Nada in his sci-fi action film “They Live,” John Carpenter did what he does best, and went against the norm. Recruiting professional wrestling legend “Rowdy” Roddy Piper may have been seen as an unusual choice, as the famous heel wasn’t known for his acting. However, let us all be grateful he did, as the now-famous ‘bubblegum’ line may not have been as memorable from the mouth of another. Discovering that aliens are living among humans in cognito, Nada enters a bank and drops the iconic line. At sixteen words, it’s a very long one-liner, but boy does it work. Cool, funny and delivered at a deliberate pace, it is everything a one-liner should be.