Top 20 Dumbest Insults In Movies
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Top 10 Dumbest Insults in Movies
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Seriously? That’s the best you’ve got? Welcome to WatchMojo.com, and today we’re counting down our picks for the Top 10 Dumbest Insults in Movies. For this list, we’re counting down the worst insults one movie character ever slung at another, taking into account whether they actually make sense, how hard the character tried, and how spectacularly they failed.
#20: “Stupid Comments”
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“The Room” (2003) What better way to kick off a list of the worst movie insults than with what’s widely considered to be the worst movie period? In this gem of a misfire, there’s no shortage of bad acting laced with bad dialogue. While many viewers get their laughs at the expense of writer-director-star Tommy Wiseau, virtually no actor is left unscathed. Least of all costar Greg Sestero, whose character has some choice words for a friend when confronted. We weren’t aware that’s where people kept comments, but sure thing.
#19: “Sons of a Motherless Goat”
“Three Amigos” (1986) When you’re a silent film star, the spoken word isn’t really much of a factor. So if there’s one thing the Three Amigos are lacking, it’s their verbal intimidation tactics. Thinking they’re putting on a show, they’re quick to rely on their old playbook, with Lucky Day uttering this head-scratcher of an insult. Seriously, whichever screenwriter jotted down that dialogue for him should go back to the drawing board, but that’s not going to stop Lucky from reenacting the scene a second time.
#18: “Phonehead”
“Scream 2” (1997) We wouldn’t go so far as to say Deputy Dewey is dumb, but he’s not exactly a wordsmith. Especially when compared to his on-again, off-again flame Gale Weathers, who’s caustic and brutal when she has to be. In this scene that sees our heroes deliberate their next move, Gale is bombarded with work-related phone calls. When she insults Dewey’s intelligence, he decides to play the rhyme game, to no one’s amusement but his own. Pro tip: stick to Woodsboro, Dewey.
#17: “Sack of Wine”
“Troy” (2004) Many would be intimidated by a king, but not the finest warrior in the land, Achilles. When King Agamemnon claims the priestess Briseis, whom Achilles has taken as spoils of war, Achilles can’t help but be indignant. After being talked down from combat, Achilles voices his frustration the only way he knows how, by calling the king a sack of wine. It may just be the times, but that actually sounds good to us. We wouldn’t necessarily use a sack, but hey, wine is wine.
#16: “Mexican’t”
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“Once Upon a Time in Mexico” (2003) Wordplay can make just about anything sound witty . . . . whether that’s true or not. Case in point: when Cucuy tries to express misgivings over Agent Sands’ plans, Sands shuts him up by appealing to his national pride. Well, I guess that’s the end of that conversation. In fact, it works so well, that Cucuy himself adopts the MexiCAN demonym later on, emphasis on the can. Silly, but it does admittedly feel right at home in this ridiculously stylish Robert Rodriguez shoot-em-up.
#15: “Disappointment”
“Get Hard” (2015) If you’re heading to prison, you’d better make sure that you’ve got your tough guy persona locked down. That’s what Darnell is trying to help James to do, with shall we say mixed results. James takes it upon himself to rehearse some trash-talk dialogue, some of which is actually kinda savage. Though it’s this line in particular that qualifies for this list. Sure, it cuts deep, but it’s also a mix of banal and really, really weird - leaving us more inclined to agree with Darnell’s reaction.
#14: “Wi-atch”
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“The Covenant” (2006) Sometimes the pressure to perform can make us say the wrong thing. Unfortunately, that doesn’t seem to be what went wrong with Chase Collin’s insult, at least judging by his demeanour. When Caleb pleads with him to release his girlfriend, Chase proposes something else . . . Sure we get it, it’s a play on “bi-atch”, adapted for witches. Hence a “wi-atch”. It’s still terrible, and deflates any sense of tension going into the climax. Not that the movie was doing so well up to this point.
#13: “Take That”
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“Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah” (1991) If nuclear weapons wouldn’t do the trick, what made anyone think words could hurt Godzilla? That’s something Major Spielberg learns the hard way, when the titular creature interferes in a WWII battle between Japanese and US forces. Oh, and you heard that right, the major is apparently the father of the pioneer director. Go figure. Anyway, when American cannon fire seemingly defeats the lizard, the major celebrates early and shouts an insult that would make his future son shake his head. And it isn’t long before Godzilla returns the favor.
#12: “Too Cool for School”
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“Zoolander” (2001) Zoolander’s male models are more than just pretty faces . . . but not by much. But when their egos are at stake, that’s not going to stop them from trying to one-up each other. As Derek and Hansel face off, veteran model versus up-and-coming star, Hansel takes aim at Derek’s latest clothing line campaign, “Derelicte”. Derek’s retort is a definite misfire, and doesn’t really do him any favors. But the real doozy is this tepid barb, that took way too much thought, and is dead on arrival.
#11: “Chicken”
“The Room” (2003) Guess who’s back? On any normal list we wouldn’t draw from the same movie twice, but how could we not when there’s so much good stuff? Multiple times in the film, Johnny resorts to his favorite tactic for breaking someone down: calling them a chicken whilst impersonating one. Only, the sounds he creates make us question whether he’s ever heard a chicken before. Seriously, are we sure he isn’t a secret Bluth? In any case, we don’t see him getting under our skin anytime soon.
#10: “Butthead”
“Back to the Future Part II” (1989) Let’s just get something straight: the sharpest tool in the shed, Biff Tannen is not. He’s constantly putting his foot in his mouth, blissfully unaware that his brains don’t match his brawn. In “Back to the Future’s” second installment, he finds himself paired up with his counterpart from the future, but the two immediately find themselves at odds. Turns out his vocabulary hasn’t changed in 60 years, as when the older version calls him a “butthead”, the younger Biff’s brilliant comeback is to fling the same insult right back.
#9: “Double Dumbass”
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“Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home” (1986) Barring any humpback whale-related catastrophes, it’s safe to say that human vernacular will change in three-hundred-years’ time. Such is Admiral Kirk’s realization when he and his Starfleet crew travel back to 1986’s San Francisco. We’re guessing he isn’t familiar with crosswalks, because he finds himself right in the middle of traffic. Nearly run over by a taxicab, the driver is quick to call him a “dumbass,” to which Kirk, flabbergasted, can only up the ante, apparently. Seems like he could have benefited from having Dustin Hoffman crossing with him.
#8: “Your Mom”
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“Napoleon Dynamite” (2004) Poor Deb. All she wanted to do was sell keychains and get a proper education. And even though the disinterested Napoleon was having none of it, she didn’t deserve what came next. Nor did her mom, for that matter. From the other room, Kip Dynamite doesn’t miss the chance to throw down his best insult, even though it doesn’t make any sense. What’s wrong with going to college? What’s wrong with someone’s mom going to college? Regardless, Deb takes it personally and runs off. Gosh, Kip!
#7: “Mr. Poopy-Pants”
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“The Naked Gun 2 ½: The Smell of Fear” (1991) Leslie Nielsen’s career changed for the comedic when he introduced the trademark drab delivery he’s known for today. Still, his characters weren’t usually the brightest bulbs. Take for instance this barrage of barbs in “Wrongfully Accused”. But we had to go with everyone’s favorite Police Squad Lieutenant Frank Drebin in this “Naked Gun” sequel. Upon bumping into an old flame, Drebin is introduced to her new lover, and can’t help but ruffle a few feathers. While his warm-up jab isn’t bad, his knockout blow could use a little work.
#6: “Bigger than a Mouse’s”
“Shallow Hal” (2001) The longer a comeback takes, the less of an impact it makes. And here’s a case in point. When the titular Hal’s manhood is put down by his friend Mauricio, he just knows he has to knock the guy back down a peg. Trouble is, like Mauricio, we can’t help but count the seconds it takes for one to pop into his brain. And boy was it not worth the wait. Even Mauricio’s comeback to Hal’s comeback is better.
#5: “Stupid Man”
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“Hook” (1991) If you’re gonna be the man, you gotta beat the man. That’s the situation the grown-up Peter Pan finds himself in, going head-to-head with Rufio, the new leader of the Lost Boys. And we gotta say, Peter does not get off to a hot start. But he does buckle down and stick to his guns. Soon enough, he’s got the support of the Lost Boys and all the momentum, something Rufio can’t handle. As soon as Rufio utters those petty words of anguish, it’s all over for him. Bangarang!
#4: “Pieces of…”
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“Happy Gilmore” (1996) You know, we never really would have considered golf to be a trash-talking sport. But hey, when elderly game show hosts are getting socked on the fairway, we guess anything goes. Our titular hero and former hockey player finds himself squaring off against the cocky Shooter McGavin, who’s so confident in his ability to wipe the floor with Happy, that he’ll spit out any old thing. His insult doesn’t sound particularly bad, until Happy takes it at face value. Stunned, all McGavin can do is take it back.
#3: “Diarrhea Club”
“Shakes the Clown” (1991) We thought clowns were supposed to be funny. Well, you know, traditionally speaking. At the very least they’d need to be able to think fast, but it would seem HoHo missed improv day in clown school. When Binky and Shakes get into an altercation over the former landing a high-profile TV gig, Binky goads his two cohorts into backing him up. Trouble is, HoHo buckles under pressure, and lets out this long, drawn-out stinker. Take this as a lesson, kids: booze and clowning do not mix.
#2: “I AM Quick Enough…”
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“Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle” (2004) Man, bullies think they can get away with anything - even getting poor Harold to do all their work. Thing is, Harold has undergone quite the life-changing journey in the past 24 hours. Running into his coworkers at the titular burger establishment, he decides to confront them about their freeloading behavior, calling one “cock-boy.” The indignant J.D. takes offense, and although claiming he can whip up a comeback, is really just stalling for time ... Ultimately, he just recycles the same quip. Yeah, the ladies are not impressed either.
#1: “Toilet Store”
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“Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy” (2004) Ah, Brick, sweet Brick. Let it never be said that he didn’t stick up for his friends. When the Channel 4 News Team crosses paths with their rivals the Evening News Team, things get testy pretty fast. The ever despicable Wes Mantooth has some choice words for the team regarding their fashion, to which Brick can’t help but fire back. While he seems pleased with his comeback, a confused silence speaks the loudest. Still, from where we’re standing, it’s so bad, it’s good. Never change, Brick.
