Top 10 New Girl Jokes That Will Never Get Old
Top 10 New Girl Jokes That Will Never Get Old

Top 10 New Girl Jokes That Will Never Get Old

VOICE OVER: Emily - WatchMojo WRITTEN BY: Francesca LaMantia
Some jokes don't age well, but these are “New Girl” jokes that will never get old. For this list, we'll be looking at those jokes and gags from the sitcom “New Girl” that continue to make us laugh time and time again. Our countdown includes Schmidt's broken member, wedding pranks, douchebag jar, and more!

Some jokes don’t age well, but others are timeless. Welcome to MsMojo, and today we’ll be counting down our picks for the Top 10 New Girl Jokes That Will Never Get Old.

For this list, we’ll be looking at those jokes and gags from the sitcom New Girl that continue to make us laugh time and time again.

#10: Lionfish
“Quick Hardening Caulk”

After getting together and breaking up several times, Cece decides she is done with Schmidt for good, and he does not take it well. In a bizzare overreaction, Schmidt gets completely out of control in his pursuit of an exotic lionfish. He throws a fit at the aquarium, gets stung by a jellyfish when he mistakes it for the tropical fish in the ocean, and makes some troubling comments while comparing the fish to Cece. His desperate attempt to replace Cece by acquiring another unattainable creature is apparent to everyone but him - and it will never stop being funny.

#9: The Two Winstons
“San Diego”

Schmidt's first name has always been a long running mystery on this show, but when he needs to use his first name for business reasons, we finally figure out why he never uses it. As it turns out, he is also named Winston, and the name just isn't big enough for the two of them. Apparently, some sort of Winston treaty was reached back in college that decided that Winston would be Winston and Schmidt would be Schmidt. However, Cece and Jess do make a good point about all the Michaels in the world finding a way to work it out. Thankfully, a new agreement is reached before things get too out of hand, but watching the two Winstons fight over the name is hysterical.

#8: The Gang Finds Out About Cece & Schmidt

Jess handled this situation the worst out of anybody, hands down, but at least she didn’t have to see it, like poor Winston did. In the loft, secrets don’t stay secret long, and it was only a matter of time before the rest of the gang discovered Schmidt and Cece’s dirty little secret. Everyone discovers that Schmidt and Cece are sleeping together in a hysterical way. You can’t help but crack a smile when Winston finds out they are hiding in his trunk on a trip to Mexico and back. Then, when Nick finds out because Winston just can't hold the secret in anymore and Nick later caves when Jess forces the information out of him: it’s all just laugh out loud funny.

#7: “Sayonara, Sammy.”
“Goosebumps Walkaway”

Nick Miller has never been the smoothest guy when it comes to women, but when Reagan is about to leave the loft he is determined to come up with the perfect “goosebumps walkaway” to wow her. He spends the entire episode freaking out about how to say goodbye, and, with a little help from Schmidt, he comes up with the line “Sayonara, Sammy”. What’s funny is just how much effort he puts into giving Reagan the perfect send-off, only to deliver this nonsensical line. Well, it’s the thought that counts, but we’re just as confused as Reagan - who the hell is Sammy?

#6: Schmidt’s Broken Member

After spending the night with Cece's roommate while they are broken up, Schmidt ends up in the hospital with a broken penis. How does that even happen? He suffers terrible pain anytime he gets aroused and - being Schmidt - quite a lot arouses him. He even has to get a hard cast put on to protect him from himself. This inevitably leads to some hilarious moments later on as he and Cece attempt to navigate their relationship without sex. Unsurprisingly, everything they do together seems to turn him on. But in this particular episode, it’s the scene where Schmidt and Cece confess their feelings in the hospital that has us laughing every time.

#5: Girl Fight
“Girl Fight”

Jess and Cece get into a passive aggressive fight over a purse that should have resolved itself no fuss no muss. But when the boys get involved, passive aggressive quickly becomes aggressive aggressive. In the middle of a baby shower, Jess and Cece finally have it out. The crack in their relationship over the purse rips open, and every single fight they never had comes pouring out. When the words just aren’t enough anymore, they start communicating with their fists - and somehow the fight spreads throughout the room. Well, that escalated quickly. You’ve got to admire their resourcefulness in using all the baby shower gifts to pummel each other. No matter how many times you watch this episode, Jess and Cece’s fight never stops being funny.

#4: Wedding Pranks
“Elaine’s Big Day”

It is always a fun time when Winston starts with the pranking. You never know if he’s going to go way too big, or way too small. During Cece's wedding, Schmidt is convinced that she doesn't really want to get married, so he unleashes Winston on the festivities to ruin the ceremony - you know, as a friend. If you’re the type of person that cries at weddings, this one will still have you crying, just from laughter. The perfect storm of physically injuring the groom, blasting “Cotton-Eyed Joe” during her walk down the aisle, and the release of a badger into the air ducts is certainly Prank Sinatra’s finest work.

#3: Popcorn Machine

Jess is nothing if not a meddlesome friend, so when Cece won’t tell her who in the loft she has a crush on, she does some detective work herself only to reach the conclusion that the only person Cece could like and not want to tell her about is Nick. Though that logic makes sense, her assumption is incorrect and leads to a hilarious misunderstanding. She probably should have been more specific when she talked to Nick about the situation, because he thought she was talking about a popcorn machine Cece wants to put in the bar. The conversation plays like that “scenes from a hat” bit from Whose Line Is It Anyway: “Things you can say about a popcorn machine, but not your girlfriend.”

#2: Douchebag Jar

In the first few seasons of the show, Nick constantly says that Schmidt didn't always behave the way that he does now. So to reign in Schmidt's sleazier behavior, Nick implemented the douchebag jar as a punishment for whenever he gets out of hand. The things that Schmidt says and does that result in his “tipping” the douchebag jar are always hilarious. There’s even an entire episode dedicated to what Schmidt did to have to put 50 bucks in the jar. It’s bittersweet that, as the series goes on, the douchebag jar becomes less necessary. It’s amazing to see Schmidt grow as a person, but admittedly, his douchebag days were a barrel of laughs.

Before we unveil our top pick, here are a few honorable mentions.

The Parent Trap

Julius Pepperwood

Color Blind
“All In”

Nick ‘Sweatback’ Miller
“Background Check”

Schmidt Teaches Jess How to Internet Date

#1: The Cookie

Nick has never been a touchy feely kind of guy, so he doesn't exactly react well to Schmidt's affection when he buys him a cookie for no reason. Schmidt is devastated by Nick's dismissal of the kind gesture, and the two launch into a fight over the rules of male friendship with Winston as referee. You can’t help but laugh at the juxtaposition of Schmidt’s open sensitivity and Nick’s stony stoicism. The whole thing erupts when Nick tries to return the gesture by getting Schmidt a cookie, but it does not go over well, and Nick is reduced to someone having a babbling, stammering, crying fit.