Top 10 Movies That Could NOT Be Remade Today
#10: “Weird Science” (1985)
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The entire premise of the film is two 15-year-old dudes building a digitized version of their perfect woman. She ends up coming to life with magical powers and yada, yada, yada. We probably don’t have to explain the issues with this, especially when it comes to the boys picking out breast size and whether or not to give their dream girl a brain. Even back in the ‘80s, this film didn’t sit well with everyone. A review in The Washington Post called Kelly LeBrock’s role “demeaning,” while the Chicago Tribune deemed the movie “vulgar” and “mindless”. Yep, that about sums it up.
#9: “The Love Guru” (2008)
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While ‘whitewashing’ has been going on for as long as they’ve been making movies in Hollywood, as we entered the 2010s the criticisms of it became much louder - from Johnny Depp in “The Lone Ranger” to Scarlett Johansson in “Ghost in the Shell”. So, if there was ever any consideration at all in remaking “The Love Guru,” the first step would probably be casting the Indian lead role with an actual Indian actor. Beyond Mike Myers’ cringey performance, however, it was the film’s reliance on Indian caricatures and harmful stereotypes that didn’t really do this movie any favors in 2008, and definitely wouldn’t now.
#8: “The Toy” (1982)
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Imagine someone pitching this idea for a movie today: A spoiled white rich kid is told he can get anything in a store, and decides his wants a Black man on the cleaning crew. The worst part is things actually play out in the kid’s favor. Not only could this premise not be remade today, we can’t believe it was even made in 1982. The audience consensus was overwhelmingly negative and it’s not difficult to understand why. The plot doesn’t really go anywhere that’s thoughtful or reconcilable, and even the film’s poster is pretty terrible. It features Jackie Gleason as the wealthy white businessman literally controlling Richard Pryor on the end of puppet strings for his son’s amusement.
#7: “Gone with the Wind” (1939)
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“Gone with the Wind'' might be one of the most popular films of all time, but if it were to be remade today some things would have to change! The film begins in 1861 as a divided America is about to throw down in a civil war over slavery. One of the mains issues with the film, however, is that it refuses to vilify slavery. Instead, it plays up the Lost Cause of the Confederacy myth - which justifies the Confederate States’ actions and paints a very different picture than the horrors that actually took place. And that is, frankly, something we should all give a damn about!
#6: “Me, Myself & Irene” (2000)
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Schizophrenia is a mental disorder that is unfortunately very often stigmatized. It’s not out of the realm of possibility to conclude that media often has a hand to play in how audiences perceive the disorder. If your only knowledge of schizophrenia comes from movies like “Me, Myself & Irene”, then you’ll probably believe many of the myths about symptoms. Since the aughts, there has thankfully been a lot of discourse that intends to change the false perceptions of schizophrenia in society. With that in mind, a film that sets those perceptions back is not one that could probably be remade the same way in the 2020s.
#5: “I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry” (2007)
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Chuck and Larry are two straight firemen who decide to get married in order for Larry to be able to get proper life insurance. Back in 2007, when the film came out, same-sex marriage was only legal in one state. It wasn’t until 2015 that it became a national right across the country. After all the fighting and the struggles that the LGBTQ+ community has endured to finally be granted this basic right, a film that debases it for the purposes of insurance fraud doesn’t have a place on today’s screens. Rob Schneider in yellowface would definitely have to go also!
#4: “Shallow Hal” (2001)
Why “Shallow Hal” you ask? Isn’t this a film about not judging people on their physical appearance and instead appreciating a person’s inner beauty? Sure, maybe that’s what those involved intended it to be about. In actuality, though, the movie is littered with fatphobic rhetoric. There are tons of offensive jokes and it doesn’t exactly help that Gwyneth Paltrow was cast as the lead woman and put in a fatsuit. The makers might not have intended “Shallow Hal” to be one big study on fat-shaming, but that’s pretty much what it was.
#3: “Revenge of the Nerds” (1984)
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Steve Jobs, Hermione Granger, and “The Big Bang Theory” may have made nerds cool. But, back in 1984, when “Revenge of the Nerds” came out, they were still the losers with broken glasses and pocket protectors whose life was a constant cycle of being rejected by hot girls and bullied by jocks. So, while the nerds-are-cool world we live in doesn’t quite fit with the total-loser-nerd stereotype from 40 years ago, that isn’t the only reason the film wouldn’t work. In the original, the nerds take secret nude photos of sorority girls. While this might have been remakeable in the late ‘90s when “American Pie” was secretly webcaming Nadia to everyone in the school, that kind of harassment is, thankfully, a no-go today.
#2: “Song of the South” (1946)
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Walt Disney has given us some of the greatest moving pictures of all time and we sure do know how much the company loves to remake their stuff… but, not this one. Released in 1946, “Song of the South” is a cringely racist film filled with happy ex-slaves and offensive black characterizations and stereotypes. And we aren’t saying anything Disney themselves don’t already know. The fact is that not only are they not thinking about remaking it, they don’t even want people watching the original. “Song of the South” has fotunately never been made available on home video or on Disney’s streaming platform.
#1: “Soul Man” (1986)
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The use of blackface, regardless of the reason, has always drawn controversy. And yet, in 1986, enough people thought it was funny to release a film about a white dude who pretends to be black in order to get a scholarship. We have trouble understanding how this was given the green light in the first place but at least we probably won’t ever have to see it remade. Although “Soul Man” does try to say something about racism and the hardships African Americans so frequently face, it didn’t really work then and it certainly wouldn't work now.