He has a super brain, but his writers….not necessarily. Welcome to WatchMojo.com, and today we’re counting down our picks for the Top 10 Dumbest Superman Moments.
For this list, we’re looking at moments when Superman behaved in a stupid way or made a dumb decision, or when situations in a Superman story were simply too ridiculous.
#10: When He Cried Over the Deaths of Space Slugs
Look, we’re all for men getting in touch with their emotions, but there’s a limit, right? Case in point, this 1983 Superman-Batman story. It starts out with the two heroes getting together to do some intense bro bonding – just at the time that this spaceship carrying outer space slugs comes along. And wouldn’t you know it, these slugs just happen to live by draining emotions. They get so high on the massive emotions from the heroes that they decide to sacrifice themselves. Otherwise, their fellow slugs will come along and destroy the planet. It’s enough to make a superhero weep – and our boy does. Personally, it’s the torturous narration that makes us weep.
#9: When Superboy Got Fat
Coming up with new challenges for Superman is…um, challenging. After all, he’s practically indestructible and almost all-powerful, so what can new obstacles can be thrown at him? How about telling a story from his childhood when he and all of his buddies got fat? Hey, it will fill ten pages, so go with it. Gee, the fattening of Smallville’s teenagers just happens to coincide with the appearance of a growth ray being used on crops. Amazingly, it takes seven pages for the super-genius to realize the connection between the growth ray and the obese teens. Even more annoying is how casually Superboy engages in fat shaming. Not cool, Kent.
#8: When Pink Kryptonite Made Him Gay
It’s something which takes up only one panel, but it’s mind-blowingly ridiculous - not to mention offensive - that it had to end up somewhere on this list. The moment happens in a convoluted storyline that’s hard to explain simply. Just understand that a version of Supergirl has traveled to Earth-One and is taking the place of that Earth’s Supergirl. Along the way, there’s a tangent where Superman is apparently exposed to some new form of kryptonite – pink kryptonite. And the effect is to apparently turn him gay – which means he flirts with Jimmy Olsen and compliments window treatments. It was clearly an attempt at humor but just comes off as cringy.
#7: When Jor-El Spanked Him (As an Adult)
Superman may not have to worry about bullets or bombs, but there’s bound to be something which he fears. In 1971, writer Dennis O’Neil considered this and figured it must be something psychological. And since Superman always expects the ultimate from himself, maybe he has a fear of disappointing someone – like his dead father? Again, not the worst idea. But what WAS stupid was the way Superman conquered this fear. The villainous Felix Faust created a huge version of Superman’s father Jor-El, and had him tell his son what a loser he is – and then proceeded to have him spank the Man of Steel. Superman’s need to be punished felt dumb – and very uncomfortable.
#6: When He Spoke Creepily About His Cousin
So one day, Supergirl decided to play matchmaker for Superman. It didn’t work out, but Superman took the opportunity to tell his teenage cousin how the girl for him is her – if only they weren’t so closely related! It’s a moment guaranteed to creep out just about any reader – but there’s more. Supergirl manages to track down a super-powered woman from another planet – who happens to be almost a dead ringer for the Girl of Steel. Superman falls for her and is all set to marry this carbon copy of his cousin when a plot contrivance – one thing Superman is powerless against - derails the plan.
#5: When He Used His Super-Kiss
There are some powers which are immediately identifiable as belonging to Superman – flight, great strength, x-ray vision, and so on. But there have been numerous other powers which popped up once or twice and then were never seen again –with good reason. Like this one. It all happens at a swinging office Christmas party at the Daily Planet. Perry White forces mild-mannered Clark Kent underneath the mistletoe so Lois Lane has to kiss him. Lois is less than thrilled with the idea, so Clark decides to use his super-kiss on her. At least this one didn’t mess with her memory.
#4: When He Became Two Supermen
As previously mentioned, coming up with new challenges for Superman can be hard. So why not make split him into two Supermen? They’d done something similar back in 1963, but this story was a bit more fleshed out. By 1998, Superman had already become a being of pure energy – don’t ask – who wore a blue suit. But then Cyborg Superman and Toyman set a trap that split him into two Supermen. Superman Blue was a cool, rational dude and Superman Red was fiery and irrational. Neither one of them had a patch on the original Supes, and to be honest, they were both kinda annoying. Frankly, they got themselves together pretty quickly.
#3: When Superman and Wonder Woman’s Sex Killed Thousands
Sure, we know that sex between Superman and Wonder Woman would be an earth-shattering event. But we also know that shouldn’t be taken literally. So why the hell didn’t Frank Miller know that? Miller’s sequel to his original Dark Knight saga had its problems, and this was one of them. Trying to soothe his battered ego, Wonder Woman initiates some high altitude sex with the Man of Steel. It somehow causes earthquakes, hurricanes, and volcanic eruptions, all of which presumably cost thousands of people their lives.
#2: When He Made a Porno with Big Barda
A big part of Superman’s appeal is that he really is just an overgrown boy scout. You can create some drama by playing against that type – but you shouldn’t push it too far. Unfortunately, nobody told John Byrne that. He wrote a story in which a supervillain by the appropriate name of Sleez comes up with a great idea. He’ll hypnotize a Superman and Big Barda, the wife of Mr. Miracle, and make them film a porno. This proves easier to do than one might think and it’s only the timely intervention of Mr. Miracle that keeps Superman and his wife from getting to know one another a bit too well.
#1: When He Created a Mini-Superman
Lots of weird superpowers showed up in the 1950s, but this was really bizarre. An encounter with an alien spaceship strips Superman of most of his powers. In exchange, he gains the ability to shoot rainbows from his hands. And eventually, he finds a way to turn these rainbows into a miniature version of himself – but this one has all his old powers. Now this mini-Superman keeps saving people and fighting criminals and getting all the glory. Superman gets jealous and even after the Mini-Superman sacrifices himself to save the original, the big guy doesn’t shed a tear. After all, it’s not like this was an alien space slug that died!