Top 10 Anime Characters Who Finally Got Laid (Ft. Todd Haberkorn!)

“Parasyte” (2014-15) Poor Shinichi hasn’t had it easy. First his arm gets taken over by an alien, he gets thrown into conflict after bloody conflict with other aliens, his mother gets mutilated, he slowly starts to lose his humanity, the dude just can’t catch a break. Luckily, amidst all the carnage and bladed tendrils, he has one beacon of hope in the form of a beautiful young girl named Satomi. With so much chaos around them, the two decide to give into their hormones and make sweeeeeet love. We…really hope the sentient parasite in his arm wasn’t watching them do the deed.

“Cross Ange” (2014-15) Giant mecha, fallen princesses, magic…lesbian threesomes? Okay, some parts of this series were a little out-there, but the one thing that kept us coming back over and over was Ange’s struggle. She was kicked to the curb, put through hell, abused mentally and physically. By the time the series was nearing its conclusion we just wanted the poor girl to get her happy ending. Luckily, she does, and it comes in the form of a guy named Tusk, whose warmth and genuine love gives her the strength to move forward. Along with his mad humping skills of course.

“Kinnikuman” (1983-86) Considering practically everyone in this golden oldie ended up having children in the sequel series, we can’t deny the King of Planet Kinniku must have some kind of appeal…but seriously how did this guy manage to score? We’re sure some ladies find his creepy, pig-like mask attractive, but his tendency to weep and act cowardly can’t exactly be what you look for in a wrestler-husband. Regardless, Kinnikuman somehow found a way to grab himself a Queen and piledrive her so badly she ended up bearing his child. Guess there truly is someone for everyone.

“Future Diary” (2011-12) She’s slaughtered numerous people and traversed whole universes just to be with the man she loves. You have admire Yuno’s determination, even if she’s a total psycho and her antics rightly scare the bejesus out of Yuki. However, in a rather odd twist, she finally gets her wish (que Haber-sexy voice) for you see, on a beautiful moonlit night, Yuki suddenly submits and makes Yuno’s every fantasy come true (end of Haber-sexy voice). Honestly, we can’t decide whether its Stockholm syndrome or if Yuki really is that stupid. For gods sake man, she killed Akise Aru! Voiced by yours truly! And then you just go sleep with her? I thought what we had was special.

#6: Kei Kurono

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“Gantz” (2004) There are certainly a lot of contenders, but we think its fair to say that this guy is the most parched protagonist in anime. Even after he gets run over by a train, bought back to life and forced to go hunt down killer aliens, all he can think about is letting loose his shotgun. For the majority of the series, the object of his affection was the naïve and incredibly busty Kishimoto. Even after constant rejections, he never wasted an opportunity to cop a feel. At least until he encountered a brand-new gal…who he then procced to bang within two minutes of meeting her. Aliens can wait - Kei’s got his priorities in check!

“Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood” (2009-10) It took two series and a whole lot of people making quips about his height, but in the end the Fullmetal Alchemist was the one standing tall above all others. And no, its not because he defeated the Homunculi, stopped Father’s plans and managed to get his and Alphonse’s bodies back. It’s because he managed to rope Winry into agreeing to some intimate equivalent exchange! After all, what better way to end the series than by giving us a snapshot of Ed and Winry’s future family. Good to see he’s putting that new arm and leg to good use (Que quip about Ling having a harem)

“Inuyasha” (2000-10) Just goes to show that even a lecherous pervert has the capacity to find true love. Just as long as he’s willing to accept the occasional beating via a giant boomerang. As a monk with a talent for exorcising spirits, Miroku became a steadfast companion to Inuyasha and Kagome on their journey to find all the shards of the Shikon Jewel. That is when he wasn’t groping every lady he came into contact with. In spite of his frisky fingers, he still found a soul mate with fellow companion Sango.

#3: Hinata Hyuga

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“Naruto” series (2002-) Don’t let that adorable face full you, for beneath those pale eyes and busty body lies the heart of a stalker. Think about it. She was crushing on Naruto from the time they were barely adolescents all the way until they were fully-fledged adults. Did he notice her? Of course not! But she still bided her time…waiting…and waiting…and waiting…until some guy from the moon kidnapped her. Then all of a sudden Naruto had an inexplicable change of heart and ended up marrying her soon after. Huh, maybe this was all part of Hinata’s plan?

#2: Vegeta

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“Dragon Ball Z” (1989-96) The planet Earth owes a great debt to Bulma Briefs. After all, the Saiyan Prince could have easily acted on his more destructive instincts and killed everyone in a sudden burst of anger. But he didn’t. You wanna know why? Because he was too busy repopulating the species with everyone’s favourite engineer. We honestly don’t know how she managed to survive his galik gun, but all that matters is that Vegeta mellowed out soon after, going from world-ender to your average super-powered asshole. We salute your sacrifice Bulma!

“Sword Art Online” (2012-) While this guy hooked up and married his in-game sweetheart pretty early on, what fans may not realise is that in the original web-novel things were a little more…graphic. Now, please sit back and enjoy as I, Todd Haberkorn, read out this ACTUAL segment from Kirito and Asuna’s night between the sheets. Let me just put on my Haberglasses (Que story-time) “I could feel my hot sperm gushing deep into Asuna as she trembled in yet another climax. Two years worth of semen made a glopping noise as it flowed endlessly into Asuna. Every time my penis twitched, fireworks would go off in my head”. And just like that my career is over. Thanks WatchMojo.