Top 10 Dumbest Anime Heroes (ft. Todd Haberkorn!)

“Katanagatari” (2010) No one can deny that this shirtless wonder is one of the strongest martial artists around. The dude is practically a living weapon capable of slicing bodies apart with but a single swipe of his legs. Honestly, if it weren’t for the fact that he’s got no grasp of social norms or higher thought he could probably take over the land and rule as Shogun. Alas, Shichika above all else is a sword in service to the tiny yet temperamental love of his life, Togame. Don’t let that unassuming face of yours fool you, if his mistress so wishes it, you’ll be torn apart before you know it.

“Digimon Adventure 02” (2000-01) You have to feel sorry for this guy, not only was he stuck in Tai’s shadow as the new leader of the Digidestined, but his serious lack of tact prevented him from successfully laying the moves on his beloved crush Kari. Yeah, he certainly knew how to come through when it counted, but his inability to know when to zip-it certainly hurt his chances of getting a happy ending. Take it from a guy like Todd Haberkorn Davis, there’s nothing the ladies hate more than a guy who never stops talking about himself. Wait…

“Gatchaman Crowds” (2013) There’s no shortage of bubbly, hyperactive and naïve female characters out there in the world of anime, but Hajime here might just take first place for all three categories. Not sure about you but if I got the chance to turn into a neon pink, robotic superhero, I’d be over the moon…but I’d also know how to listen to my fellow teammates, as opposed to just running off at the drop of a hat. Our heroine’s serious lack of focus and weird obsession with stationary certainly doesn’t do her any favours when battling MESS, but it’s hard to stay mad at someone who has adorableness down to a t.

“KonoSuba” (2016-17) You might think that having this delightfully devilish deity as your personal goddess would be nothing short of heavenly, well you’d be dead wrong. Seriously, if you’re heading towards a bright light and she’s the one standing at the end, turn around and make a break for it, because this little lady is nothing but trouble. She’ll banish you to an RPG world, will blow all her skill points on the most useless of abilities, and generally just act as inattentive and irresponsible as possible. She really is the last person you want to swear featly to.

#6: Kid Muscle

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“Ultimate Muscle” (2002; 2004-06) Just like his dear old dad, this wrestling prodigy is nothing more than a coward whose only real desire is to stuff his belly and earn the attention of the ladies. Unfortunately for junior over here, he often finds himself tangoing with the most villainous fighters the galaxy has to offer, and despite his best efforts to flee, he’s often the only one who can defeat them. He may have flashes of awesomeness when he piledrives them into oblivion, but his constant screaming and inability to control his bodily fluids when scared doesn’t exactly paint him in the prettiest picture.

“Space Dandy” (2014) Is he one of the galaxy’s coolest cats? For sure. Is he also one of the galaxy’s biggest idiots? Absolutely. As the captain of the Aloha Oe, Dandy and his ragtag crew traverse the cosmos in search of new alien species to record and capture, or at least he’s supposed to, more often than not you can find him crashing at his favorite space-chain restaurant Boobies. His cocky nature is constantly throwing himself and his crew into life or death situations… which more often than not results in death. No joke, this guy’s kicked the bucket more time than there are stars. But hey, at least he has fabulous hair.

“One Piece” (1999-) He’s taken down would-be gods, declared war on every government and punched through more skulls than thought possible on his way to becoming the King of the Pirates. The only thing on his mind? Friends, food and adventure…and that’s about it. Luffy will go down without a doubt as one of if not the greatest anime protagonists, but it can’t be denied that the word ‘consequence’ doesn’t exist in his vocabulary. He’s spat in the face of rulers, took on whole armies and even once tried to stop a giant boat from crushing an entire civilisation. His solution to all of them? Don’t stop punching.

#3: Black Star

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“Soul Eater” (2008-09) Unlike a certain symmetry-obsessed gunslinger, this would-be ninja is all about being large and in charge, who one day hopes to amass enough strength that he can stand at the pinnacle as the most powerful being in the world. His plan for doing so? Screaming a lot and generally forgoing any sense of stealth. It’s impossible to not be charmed by Black Star’s enthusiasm, but it’s no secret that this meister has more shuriken than brain cells. Maybe he would be have managed to take out more bad guys along the road if he didn’t feel the need to announce his arrival before every fight.

“Sailor Moon” (1992-97) Fighting evil by moonlight, winning love by daylight...and wussing out all the hours inbetween. This pioneer of the magical girl genre may always come through in the end to punish her foes in the name of the moon, but that doesn’t mean she’s also not one of anime’s biggest crybabies. She’s hardly the perfect student, is driven by her laziness and bottomless stomach, and if she gets even a whiff of that hunky Tuxedo Mask, she’s off in her own little dream-world. It’s kind of amazing how the leader of the Sailor Scouts is actually the least qualified.

#1: Goku

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“Dragon Ball” series (1989-) When it comes to martial arts, transformation sequences and saving the universe from extinction, then this Saiyan truly is a genius. Everything else? Yeah, not so much. That’s not to say we want our Kamehameha maestro to be academically inclined, it’s just that his overwhelming desire to train, battle and grow stronger often leads him to make some really terrible decisions. Wait until Frieza reaches his full power? Sure. Give a world-ender a senzu bean? Why not. Have a helping hand in setting up a tournament that could result in all universes being erased from existence? You little rascal.