PokéGO Heartbreak, Red Light Life & Schoolgirl Possession: The Dispatch #31

#3: Red Light Delight

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Your neighborhood got you feeling a little unsafe lately? Don’t want to be pestered by that homeless fella who berates you for giving him anything less than a dollar each time you pass? Tired of having to scurry past that group of huddled teens outside of the corner store? Well maybe they’re playing Pokémon Go… But if not, move to the safe streets of your local red light district! According to a study conducted by the University of Central Lancashire in England, residents of the red light district in Blackpool actually love where they live. The red neon lights make the streets feel safe by brightening up the area, the prostitutes’ clients are much preferred to drunken mobs, and there’s also an economic contribution via the use of taxis and other amenities by the clients of the sex workers. Plus, the residents say the comings and goings – head outta the gutter people – is more entertaining that daytime television! Everybody wins!

Watch this video or you will be forever haunted by the Mojo demon! We remember those email threads from the Hotmail.com days, and we all knew they were bogus. So, we were all shocked to hear that 22 Columbian schoolgirls were “possessed by demons” after a game of Charlie Charlie, a simplified version of the magic 8-ball. The game consists of two pencils, balanced on top of a sheet of paper used to produce answers, similar to a Ouija board. The children, from the Choco region of Colombia, were seen screaming, hallucinating and writhing on the ground –some even foaming at the mouth. The students were rushed to hospital where doctors would later declare it an episode of “mass demonic possession,” after ruling out disease, intoxication or any other more natural health problems. Well, these are going to make for some crazy entries in their weekly school journal submissions.

Pokémon Go is the hottest app on the map, with the total user base surpassing both Twitter and Tinder a week after release. But while most people are overjoyed with its nostalgia-inducing gameplay, some users aren’t so thrilled. Take Evan Scribner, who told The New York Post he got dumped after his girlfriend checked his game history within the app and discovered Scribner had caught a Pokémon at his ex-girlfriend’s house. Naturally, his girlfriend used BREAKUP: It was very effective. Speaking of being very effective, this augmented reality app has been great at getting people off their butts! We saw hordes of people scouring Central Park in New York for a Vaporeon. In the UK, dozens of trainers were showing up at a sex shop, with none of them looking to do some shopping. Regardless, people are out and about, eager to walk around for digital gratification. Have we finally solved the obesity epidemic in America? So, will you be moving to your local red light district? And, for your bi-weekly dispatch of offbeat news stories and Top 10 lists published every day, be sure to subscribe to WatchMojo.com.