High on Scorpions, Bulldozer Battles & Spandex Bulge: The Dispatch #24

VOICE OVER: Adrian Sousa
Script Written by Jesse Polowin & Adrian Sousa

Welcome to The Dispatch,'s look at the weirdest and coolest news stories from the previous week of human existence. This week we’re looking at unwanted breakfast bulge, smokin’ scorpions and bulldozer battles.

High on Scorpions, Bulldozer Battles & Spandex Bulge: The Dispatch #24

Breakfast bulge, smokin’ scorpions and bulldozer battles. Just because you don’t need to know about these stories, doesn’t mean they won’t interest you. Welcome to, and this is The Dispatch, where we bring you the Internet’s weirdest and coolest stories! This week will be our last episode as we take a break to improve The Dispatch. What do you want to see when we return? More amazing tech stories like this? Cool video game stories like this? Funny slash weird stories like in this episode? Voice your opinion! With that being said, let’s get this going.

#3: Chasing the Scorpion

For those who like to roll up the kush on the regular, it was the annual “Smoke weed today just like you did yesterday and probably will also do so tomorrow” Day, aka 4/20. But neither the baseball bat sized joints or smoke-filled gas masks could hold a candle to what people are lighting up along the Khyber Pass; scorpions. Well known are the opiate habits of the Middle East, but an even deadlier addiction to smoking dead, dried scorpion is making waves in the northwest of Pakistan. In addition to hallucinations and physical pain over the 10 hour high, users of the arachnid-turned-drug will experience long term memory loss, sleeping and eating disorders and chronic delusions. The drug is consumed largely in secret and there’s little research on scorpion addiction, but the government may need to step in soon to stop the roasting of scorpions – and users’ brains.

#2: Breakfast Bulge

The Plough Hotel in Rangiora, New Zealand offers old world charm, affordable pub fare, modern hospitality and views of downtown Rangiora. One view they are trying to cut back on though is the “unsightly bumps and bulges” of the human body provided by Lycra and co. According to hotel owner Mike Saunders, the only kind of sausages people want to see when eating breakfast is the ones on their plate. For this reason, Saunders has banned the cycling shorts from their restaurant entirely. It’s a bold move considering his restaurant is a popular stop for cyclists, but as a former colleague of Saunders explained, “when cyclists come in they do stink, they are sweaty and it is unhygienic sitting on the furniture”. Some establishments are calling it ignorant, others wishing Saunders would “embrace bodies of all shapes and sizes”. Ignorant or no, this ban should help to reduce sightings of the infamous camel-tail.

#1: Bulldozer Battle Royale

What’s going on in China these days? Last week we saw two wedding parties battle it out with knives and fireworks. Now, two competing construction companies channeled their inner “Robot Wars” as wheel loaders hurled themselves at each other on the streets of northern China. Just as the competition for construction contracts in China is fierce, so too was the battle, as wheel loader one managed to get a good position on wheel loader two, shimmy him sideways and dump him on his side! The operator managed to escape unscathed, but the battle raged on for multiple rounds, leaving two ‘dozers flipped over on the street. No details on arrests or injuries were given due to an ongoing investigation. But hey, maybe these guys could monetize this and make even more money battling than they could with their construction salary?

So, biker bulge rights, am I right?
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