What If Clueless Were Made Today?
#10: Cher No Longer Saving Herself for Luke Perry
One of the changes would def be Cher’s love interest. No, we’re not talking about Elton, or even Christian or Josh; we’re referring to Cher’s obsession with then-heartthrob Luke Perry (who has sadly since passed away). In the early ‘90s, Perry became a teen idol after he was cast as Dylan McKay on the hit show, “Beverly Hills, 90210. So it makes sense for Cher to want to save herself for him in the context of 1995. Flash forward to today, and Cher would probably be more obsessed with a Timothée Chalamet, or maybe one of the Hemsworth brothers. In fact, Cher’s response to being told that she was ever into Luke Perry would probably be a big “AS IF!”
#9: Taking Selfies Over Polaroids
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Let’s be real, if “Clueless” were made today, there’s no way Cher would be taking polaroid pictures of her outfits; her selfie game with the latest iPhone would be off the charts! It’s no secret that Cher Horowitz doesn’t trust mirrors, so to gauge her look on a day-to-day basis, she relies on polaroids - you remember, those bulky cameras that printed the shots in real time? Cher was actually ahead of her time in the whole selfie revolution, she just lacked the proper technology to really streamline the process. Well if the movie were made today, there’d be no shortage of available devices for Cher to capture her outfits on, and no shortage of selfies saved up on her phone.
#8: Updating “Rollin’ With My Homies”
We don’t know about you, but a lot of our musical taste was informed by “Clueless”. The movie had a killer soundtrack, whether you were a ska-head, a hip-hop junkie, or a teenybopper, and a lot of the songs used in the film still hold up today. But the main song that comes up more than once in the movie, Coolio’s ‘Rollin’ with My Homies,” would probably need to be updated for a modern retelling. The song is famous for being the one that’s playing when Tai first dances with Elton, and as much as it hurts the ‘90s kids in us to say it, if that party happened today, it’s way more likely that Pharrell’s ‘Happy’ would be blaring in the background.
#7: Modernizing the Alaïa Scene
A semi-pivotal moment in the film comes when Josh rescues Cher after she’s just been mugged. The assailant actually holds Cher at gunpoint, takes her phone and purse, and tells her to get down on the ground, thus potentially ruining her Alaia outfit. She argues but eventually complies, though we can feel her pain of having to lie face-down in a dirty parking lot with her designer suit on. A few things to note here: one, in today’s version of the film, Cher might have avoided the whole fiasco by just calling an Uber instead of dialing the operator to put her in touch with a cab company. And two, the modern movie would probably have to settle for a more up-to-date clothing designer.
#6: Cher Would Be on Social Media
In fashion or otherwise, Cher is clearly on the cutting edge of all things hip and cool, so if “Clueless” were made today, she would definitely be a massive hit on social media. It’s almost scary to think about how obsessed Cher and Dionne might be with Instagram, Tik Tok, and any other social platform that allows them to parade their outfits to the world. It’s a safe bet that Cher would even be a micro-influencer, or heck, a full-fledged influencer, given her style savvy. And forget about in-person meet-cutes, Cher would be getting set up on Tinder left and right. And her tips and life epiphanies would go straight from her head into Twitter.
#5: Paul Rudd Could Still Be Josh
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A lot of things have changed since 1995, but one thing that’s pretty much remained the same is Paul Rudd. That’s right, if the movie were made today, the role of Josh could STILL be played by Rudd, the ageless wonder. Sure, it might be a little creepy to have a fifty year old play a college grad, but hey, a little makeup goes a long way. We’re convinced that Paul Rudd can still pull off portraying a twentysomething like it’s no big deal. The movie’s climactic kiss would probably take on a new level of awkward, but then again, the scene already has Cher making out with her step-brother… is it really that much worse if the actor playing him is potentially a grandpa?
#4: Dropping the Stepbrotherly Love
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That leads us perfectly into our next point: what’s with the whole ‘step-brother-love’ aspect of the movie? Let’s be frank here, it’s kind of weird, isn’t it? In our modern day world, the final kiss in “Clueless” is perhaps a little de trop. But seriously, having Cher fall for her ex - technically-a-relative would probably have to be cut from the movie as quickly as a joke about Christian’s sexuality. We know the movie is based on the 1815 Jane Austen novel, “Emma,” and that sensibilities were much different back then, but this wouldn’t be a straight remake of that story, and maybe we ought to just forget about the whole brotherly love aspect?
#3: Kathryn Newton Could Be Cher
We know what you’re thinking: if Paul Rudd still gets to play Josh, does that mean Alicia Silverstone gets to reprise her role of Cher? Well, not really, since Paul Rudd is a genetic freak. But fret not, because Kathryn Newton has that perfect Beverly Hills look, along with the acting chops to go with it. You may know Newton from her role on the HBO mystery series “Big Little Lies” or from her numerous films, but the truth is that like Silverstone in 1995, she’s still on the cusp of breaking out fully. If she were given the role of Cher Horowitz in an updated version of “Clueless” we’re pretty confident that she would crush the part and quickly become a household name.
#2: Changing Up the Outfits
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We’ve already touched on it, but it’s well worth stressing that one of the biggest changes if “Clueless” were made today would have to be the wardrobe; and not just Cher’s, but everyone’s. Fashion is cyclical, so we’re not going to condemn the ‘90s style of baggy jeans, plaid skirts, and sweaters tied around the waist, but it’s probably safe to say that today’s version of the movie would feature a lot more mom jeans, skinny sweats, and monotones. Or whatever’s next! Cher was the fashion icon of her day, and we know she’d get with the program quicker than most. In fact, she’d likely set the tone of high style herself, while the rest of us just tried to keep up and follow along. Before we unveil our top pick, here are a few honorable mentions. The Revolving Closet Would Stay Because, Let’s Face It, It’s Still Very Cool SoulCycle Over Richard Simmons Because Home Workout Tapes Are Passé FaceTime Over Landline How Else Would Cher and Dionne Communicate, I Mean, Seriously?
#1: The Slang Would Be SO Different
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More than anything else, what gives away the fact that “Clueless” wasn’t made recently, has to be the film’s slang. From "as if" to "whatever", from a "total Baldwin" to a "cake boy", ‘90s slang reached its apex with this movie. They just don't slang it like they used to. We'd probably be calling Cher’s dad a “boomer”, and her classmates “Karen”. Our personal favorite from the original is “a Monet,” which, to those unfamiliar with ‘90s nomenclature, refers to someone who looks beautiful from afar but is a total mess up close. Seriously, is there a more on point and sophisticated slang term than that? If there is, let us know, because we’re too busy trying to choose a suitable modern-day alternative to a “Baldwin.”
