Top 20 Funniest TV Insults of All Time
#20: Yearly Insults “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt” (2015-19)
The eponymous Kimmy Schmidt is most often characterized by her unfailingly positive attitude and her disconnection from pop culture. However, when she does decide to deliver an insult, the gap between her perkiness and her sarcasm only makes her lines hit even harder. When Xanthippe, the obnoxious elder sister of the boy Kimmy nannies, goes for the old “insert year here called” joke to mock her wardrobe, Kimmy claps back with a future version that leaves “Zan” speechless, and us breathless with laughter. It’s true what they say - beware the nice ones.
#19: Spicy Remark “Bob’s Burgers” (2011-)
Louise Belcher can frequently be quick-witted and attention-seeking - being the youngest will do that. However, she’s not exactly enthusiastic about interacting with girls her own age. So when her mother Linda springs a slumber party on her with some of her classmates, Louise is less than thrilled. As the party begins, Louise goes through and lists each of the guests’ various faults. While being too chatty, obsessed with braids, and a germaphobe are all understandable turn-offs, Louise saves the most devastating one-two punch burn for Jessica, who’s boring, and manages to describe being dull in the most creative way possible - twice.
#18: Any House Insult “House” (2004-12)
The caustic, sarcastic, and sardonic doctor who gives the show its name simply has too many good insults to choose just one. Dr. Gregory House is never afraid to mock anyone, whether it’s his patients, his staff, his bosses, or other authority figures. House refuses to suffer fools and the sheer number of devastating barbs he delivers throughout the show may even exceed his correct diagnoses - and considering how brilliant he is, that’s saying something! Although there’s no one we’d trust more with our treatment, if it meant having to endure his brutal disrespect, we might consider alternative physicians.
#17: IQ “Sherlock” (2010-17)
In this modern update on the world famous detective, Sherlock Holmes is especially abrasive, socially clueless, and as sharp-tongued as he is sharp. One of his most frequent targets is Anderson, a police investigator whose insights are decidedly not valued by Sherlock. From asking Anderson to face the other way because he’s putting him off, to pedantically correcting him that he’s a sociopath, not a psychopath, Sherlock has zero time for him. However, his most devastating takedown consists of Sherlock claiming that Anderson’s IQ lowers the average intelligence for all of Baker Street. Ouch!
#16: Alphabetical Insults “Two and a Half Men” (2003-15)
Although this longrunning sitcom has no shortage of insults, this scene is arguably the most creative, if not the funniest. Brothers Alan and Charlie Harper return home after a day with Alan’s son. Despite bickering all day, they’ve turned their verbal abuse into a word game, insulting each other in turn by each using a derogatory word starting with a new letter of the alphabet. While the individual barbs aren’t always the funniest, the inventiveness of the scene overall is enormously entertaining. We’re just sorry we don’t get to hear every letter.
#15: Godhood Oneupsmanship “Rick and Morty” (2013-)
The titular Rick is a bitter, sarcastic old scientist, who delivers more vicious one-liners than he does alcohol to his stomach. Although his efforts to prove his grandchildren are pieces of crap mathematically are savage, our pick goes to his shouting and crafting match with Zeep Xanflorp. Stuck in a miniature universe inside a miniature universe inside yet another small universe that he powers his car with, Rick lobs hastily MacGyvered weapons and insults at Zeep, the scientist who created the second universe, in a neighboring cave. Zeep’s attempts to flex are ineffective, as Rick goes a step further - and gets Zeep’s mom involved…or at least the elements of her reproductive organs.
#14: “And Hugh Jackman!” “Scrubs” (2001-10)
Dr. Perry Cox is fond of sarcasm, insults, rants, and sarcastic, insulting rants. When the protagonist Dr. John “J.D.” Dorian asks him if he has any thoughts on J.D.’s final week of residency under him, Dr. Cox replies with an all-timer rant. He proceeds to list all the things he holds in just as low regard, including dozens of then-current fads, trends, pop culture figures, buzzwords, and political material. And he caps it off by taking a potshot at Wolverine himself! Dr. Cox may aim low with that last one, but we can’t help but admire his dedication to the bit.
#13: Basically All of Niles & CC’s Conversations “The Nanny” (1993-99)
Butler characters on TV are often known for being sassy and sarcastic, and Niles from “The Nanny” is among the kings of throwing shade. His favorite sparring partner is C.C. Babcock, his employer’s business partner. We’d like to say C.C. gives as good as she gets, but unlike her hips, we can’t lie - Niles gives her a thrashing every time. Still, she certainly sets herself up to be the butt of the joke quite well. The duo’s bickering and Niles’ one-liners are all so bitingly entertaining that we couldn’t choose just one.
#12: Liz’s “Your Mom” Joke “30 Rock” (2006-13)
Given how witty the writing is, there’s no shortage of putdowns to choose from in “30 Rock.” Although Jack Donaghy’s iconic description of Liz Lemon’s breath was a close contender, our pick goes to an insult from Liz herself. At her high school reunion, Liz discovers that, far from being the social outcast she believed herself to be, she was instead perceived as an antisocial bully, whose mockery drove everyone away. Her most vicious comeback happens when Kelsey genuinely asks about her astronomy project, only to get hit with a brutal “your mom” remark on her mother’s substance abuse. “Good God Lemon!” indeed!
#11: Not Just a Bad Father “The Simpsons” (1989-)
Given how long it’s been running, narrowing down the funniest insult in “The Simpsons” is like finding Homer doing actual work - almost impossible. Still, we have a soft spot for this one. Homer bombs a quiz about his kids, realizing he knows nothing about what his son Bart likes. His attempt to prove Marge wrong only ends up with him realizing that Bart has hobbies after all. As he laments his terrible fatherhood, Marge’s sister Patty and Selma are there to kick him when he’s down by mocking his weight. Homer agreeing with them only makes it funnier.
#10: The Opposite
“Community” (2009-15)
Abed is a guy who takes TV shows much more seriously than most. So when one of his favorite shows is delayed, his friend Britta tries to cheer him up by introducing him to a new show. However, when Abed reaches the end of the show, he goes into a catatonic state, leaving his best friend Troy furious with Britta. Troy unleashes a verbal tirade, referring to her as not only “human tennis elbow” and a “pizza burn on the roof of the world’s mouth,” but also “the opposite of Batman.” We’re not ENTIRELY sure what that means, and neither is Britta, as shown by her failed attempt to use the insult. But it’s still a very creative and hilarious jab!
#9: Sarcasm Binge
“Friends” (1994-2004)
Easily the most sarcastic and arguably the funniest member of the group of six friends, Chandler Bing is always ready with a witty or biting remark. However, some of his funniest insults actually happen when he’s denied the ability to dole them out. A New Year’s bet with Ross forces Chandler to refrain from insulting his friends for a week, which proves physically painful for him, since all of them provide him so much ammo - especially Ross. At last, when Chandler can’t take it anymore, he hands over the money and lets out a week’s worth of insults in hilarious fashion.
#8: Like a Temple
“The Golden Girls” (1985-92)
The four main cast members of this show may be “golden,” but their tongues are barbed. An impossibly large number of wicked insults are delivered throughout this series, to the point where it’s tough to narrow it down, but this is without a doubt among our favorites. When the promiscuous Blanche boasts that she doesn’t have to worry about getting sick, since she treats her body like a temple, Sophia takes the comparison a liiittle further . . . Ouch! Blanche’s self-care is going to need to include an ice pack for that burn!
#7: Embarrassment
“Brooklyn Nine-Nine” (2013-21)
Captain Raymond Holt is usually an unflappably serious man, but around his nemesis, Madeline Wuntch, he spits pure venom. Their endless bickering has given us ample material over the seasons, but while Holt calling Wuntch a “talking raisin” was amazing, arguably his best put-down was just plain honest. On one of the rare occasions when Holt apologizes to Wuntch, albeit to help his station, Wuntch lists off the reasons she dislikes him, including that Holt supposedly embarrassed her in front of baseball legend Derek Jeter. Holt’s reply is delivered so convincingly, and Wuntch looks so guilty, that we can’t help but feel it’s actually true. That’s a tactical strike right there.
#6: Wrong Order
“Arrested Development” (2003-06; 2013-19)
The Bluth family is seriously dysfunctional, and so they frequently take shots at one another. However, our pick for one of the funniest jibes in “Arrested Development” stands out from the crowd for having been delivered by the comparatively nice Michael. Like most of his family, Michael is baffled by his son George Michael’s interest in Ann Veal, whom they all find to be painfully dull. This opinion is accidentally conveyed to his son, when he tells him that it’s clear that he and Ann care for each other, although his bungling of a common phrase makes his real feelings about her pretty clear.
#5: Under a Microscope
“Frasier” (1993-2004)
This “Cheers” spin-off series has a whole host of witty insults, many of them delivered by Frasier’s brother Niles. His burn of Frasier’s agent is a perfect example. However, our pick goes to the titular radio psychiatrist himself. In one episode, Frasier takes a call in which the caller asks for help on what to name his new boat. In response, Frasier describes in detail a powerful microscope capable of examining atoms . . . For a moment, he seems about to deliver a powerful life lesson. But actually, he’s just explaining how little he cares about the caller’s dilemma . . .
#4: Neck Growth
“The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” (1990-96)
Will Smith’s character on “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air” is pretty much the embodiment of cool. However, his character’s cousin, Carlton, is a huge, loveable dork. And more often than not, this means that he winds up serving as the butt of the joke. When the entire family is cursed by a spiritualist in this Halloween episode, Carlton once again gets it worse than most - ending up with his hair dyed an obnoxious shade of yellow. Will rubs it in when he feigns spotting something hideous growing from Carlton’s neck . . . Immature? Sure. But it’s all in good fun.
#3: That’s Your Brain
“That ‘70s Show” (1998-2006)
Practically everyone in this show delivers a good burn at some point, but the undisputed king of putdowns is definitely Red Forman. The Forman family patriarch is always ready with a cutting remark, or creative threat regarding his foot and someone else’s backside. His most frequent target is his son, Eric. Following a Christmas rager, Eric is left incredibly drunk, causing him to mock Red and vomit all over his shoes. As he lays recovering from a hangover on the couch and complaining that his head hurts, Red provides him with a cutting explanation . . . [“That’s your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity!”]
#2: Every Al Bundy Insult “Married... with Children” (1987-97)
Sometimes it’s not about the quality, so much as the quantity. Al Bundy takes out his dissatisfaction with his lot in life on basically everyone he meets. This includes his customers, his neighbors, and especially his family. His dry, sardonic wit is seemingly bottomless, with the sheer number of gutbusting, haymaker lines being truly impressive all these years later. While life may often get the better of Al, his wicked remarks are usually more than enough to get one up on everyone around him. It’s a wonder he isn’t constantly being accosted by firefighters with the number of burns he delivers!
#1: Jerk Store
“Seinfeld” (1989-98)
There are TV show insults, and then, there’s “Jerk Store”. George Costanza rarely gets the better of those around him, as his inherently selfish nature usually gets in the way of his success. When a coworker mocks him during a meeting, George is angry that by the time he’s come up with a comeback, the man has been transferred. His fanatical devotion to the insult is such that he goes to extreme lengths in order to use it - only for his target to fire back . . . While his friends may not find it funny, we think that it’s iconically hilarious!
Is there a gutbusting TV comeback we forgot? Spice up the comments with your favorites!
