Top 10 Strangest Mario Bros. Spin-offs

Kicking off our list is the puzzle game in which the famous plumber decided to play doctor. And by doctor, we mean Tetris. Here, Mario uses colorful drug capsules to fight goblin like viruses. We love this game, but we always find ourselves questioning the wisdom of Nintendo influencing children to follow the instructions of a fake doctor and overmedicate illnesses. You think MJ played this game?

The princess has been kidnapped, so it’s up to Mario to save her. Only this time, he has a machine squish him into a pinball so he can fling his way through obstacles. This is easily one of the oddest rescue mission setups of all time.

Ever wonder what would happen if Nintendo combined Super Mario World with an arcade style shooter? The answer is Mario riding a dinosaur with a bazooka. We dig everything about it, save for the fact that it’s set in a place called Jewelry Land.

There was a time when Nintendo allowed their mascot to not just appear on the PC, but educate, rather than entertain children. The result was two entries in the Mario Discovery Series by Software Toolworks. Here, the brothers took a break from turtle genocide to teach gamers about real-world landmarks and artifacts.

As if the history lessons weren’t bad enough, Mario’s need to edu-tain managed to spread to the keyboard. While we see this glorified schoolwork making sense in the classroom, we pity the kids who were duped by their parents into playing this for fun. You know who you are!

Remember that huge Dance Dance craze a few years back? Well everyone’s love of dancing over plastic mats certainly didn’t go unnoticed by Nintendo. As a result, Mario hit the dance floor in order to reclaim four musical keys stolen by WaLuigi, the series’ lamest villain. Among its stranger moments was the section in which Mario danced to control a spaceship made out of trumpets.

For as long as we can remember Mario has saved the princess, but not this time! Here, the endlessly captured royal must return the favor. It’s an interesting premise, but it’s tragically undercut by sexist undertones. Namely, that Peach’s intense emotions give her superpowers. We’re all for girl power, but its shocking that rage gives her hot flashes, joy makes her fly, gloom makes her powerful, and calm regenerates her health. Alas, this was not the post-feminist masterpiece it was destined to be.

You knew that we’d mention this infamous Philips CD-I game at some point. Well, here it is, Mario’s ill-fated adventure through Bowser’s many hotels. Horrific play issues and garish video cut scenes aside, it’s quite odd that a company that once operated a real-life love hotel would allow their mascot to haplessly wonder into anything resembling one.

The portly plumber has appeared in countless sports games, ranging from Golf to Tennis. One might suppose that that alone would make his entry into the Olympic games easier to swallow. What it doesn’t gloss over is the fact that he’s sharing space with his arch nemesis from the 16-bit era. Seriously, who believes that Mario could ever match Sonic the Hedgehog in a foot race?

Taking the top spot on our list is Mario’s attempt to cash in on all this recent economy talk. That’s right, it’s a board game like Mario Party, which forgoes traditional mini-games in favor of all the fun there is to be had in the mortgage crisis! Why would Mario even bother with this anyway, the guy collects so many gold coins he literally buys himself new lives all the time. I don’t get it…