Top 10 DUMBEST Movie Monsters
#10: Mansquito “Mansquito” (2005)
The title of this made-for-TV movie might have had viewers expecting to see some sort of horrific, gooey, half-man/half-insect. Instead they got what looks like a thrown-together school project. After being hit by a blast of chemicals, convict Ray Erikson is genetically altered into Mansquito, and begins changing … through awkward CGI … into a stiff-looking costume. The special effects and costume combine to make this monster look fake instead of scary. It’s good for a chuckle, but doesn’t exactly elicit the fear and disgust that it was obviously going for.
#9: Killer Donuts “Attack of the Killer Donuts” (2016)
Top 10 Movie Characters Who Will Save You From A Serial Killer
Known more for their appearance in bakeries, donuts don’t seem like they would make adept monsters. Even if they grew teeth. So what were the filmmakers thinking when they decided to make a film about baked goods breaking bad? Well, to be fair, it is a horror-comedy. In Scott Wheeler’s 2016 flick, a toxic chemical finds its way into the donut fryer. This causes the donuts to become alive and evil. Since they can just be batted away by the main characters, their attacks seem easily avoidable. It also looks like anyone could just squash, smash or stomp on the doughy treats, or simply lock them in a building. These aren’t monsters, these are pastries.
#8: VelociPastor “The VelociPastor” (2017)
A dinosaur movie, even a horror comedy, should at least have a believable dinosaur! But just looking at VelociPastor sends us right back into the real world. After becoming infected by an artifact, priest Doug Jones transforms into a velociraptor when he’s angry. But … how could anyone take this guy seriously? His costume is painfully fake, with a large hump in its back that seems to be the actor’s head. When he’s moving around, it looks so clunky, it seems like anyone could just push him over!
#7: Bratzis “Yoga Hosers” (2016)
Combine bratwurst with Nazis and you get the Bratzis. Created by a Nazi scientist with the hopes of conquering Canada and the US, this army probably wouldn’t have gotten too far. Sausages with mustaches, dressed in Royal Canadian Mounted Police uniforms, don’t cut very imposing figures. Their potential victims might be too busy laughing to remember they’re meant to be scared! Kevin Smith’s movie was actually a spin-off from his horror film “Tusk”, but while “Tusk” had its defenders, “Yoga Hosers” was generally panned.
#6: Hobgoblins “Hobgoblins” (1988)
A stuffed animal isn’t really scary, even if it has a creepy smile and pointed ears. And yet in the comedy horror “Hobgoblins”, these alien monsters escape their vault to terrify everyone they encounter. They bring down their victims by making their dreams come true. You gotta wonder how the actors got through their scenes while the crew were shaking dolls at them. You can actually sometimes see the hand of a crew member in the shots! What makes the hobgoblins even less threatening is how easily they’re ultimately defeated. After the head hobgoblin is shot, the others just return to their vault!
#5: MAC “Mac and Me” (1988)
Top 30 Greatest Giant Movie Monsters
A boy becomes friends with an alien stranded on Earth, and they end up on the run from the government. Sound familiar? If only director Stewart Raffill had made his alien as likable as the one he copied. One of the more cringe-worthy aspects of this movie is its badly brought to life alien, MAC, which stands for Mysterious Alien Creature. He looks so fake that it’s hard to care about his fate. He has the same expressionless face throughout the movie. The rubbery special effects take away any sense of realism, leaving viewers wondering why they wasted their time. Although maybe the true monster of this film is the blatant product placement.
#4: Possessed Lamp “Amityville 4: The Evil Escapes” (1989)
The thought of demonic possession is enough to terrify most, until you see the brass floor lamp in “Amityville 4”. The overly large monstrosity soaks up the house’s evil through its cord. It’s then passed on to destroy other families. According to this film, evil looks like a weird blob as it moves within the wiring. It seems this whole process could have easily been avoided with a good pair of scissors. Or unplugging or breaking the lamp. Choosing this to be the object of terror in the movie was arguably a horrible mistake.
#3: Killer Tomatoes “Attack of the Killer Tomatoes” (1978)
Top 10 Reasons to Ignore The Babysitter: Killer Queen's Rotten Tomatoes Score
We get that this film was a parody. And that there’s an appeal in presenting innocent, ordinary objects as terrifying. But the ‘monsters’ in John DeBello’s film just leave us red in the face from second-hand embarrassment. When the tomatoes go on their rampage, we can’t help but wonder why the characters don’t just stomp on them all. Perhaps that’s the joke? But it becomes evident at the end of the film, when the tomatoes are terrified by the song “Puberty Love”, that they’re easily squashed. Even as satire, these movie monsters are just too lame.
#2: Sharktopus “Sharktopus” (2010)
The eponymous monster in this SyFy original movie went on to star in two sequels - “Sharktopus vs. Pteracuda” and “Sharktopus vs. Whalewolf”. But even in those, Sharktopus stands out for all the wrong reasons. In the Roger Corman film, geneticists combine a shark and an octopus for the US Navy. Thanks to the creature’s tentacles, it can traverse land as well as sea. The idea of a shark attacking you on land might sound kind of scary. But you don’t need to worry. Because the CGI looks incredibly cartoonish.
#1: The Gingerdead Man “The Gingerdead Man” (2005)
Top 20 Powerful Horror Movie Monsters
The ‘monster’ in this comedy slasher film looks like a plastic toy that was left sitting too close to a fire. After a crazed killer is executed, his mother bakes his ashes into a gingerbread mix. A series of accidents - an employee bleeding into the dough, and a surge of electricity hitting the gingerbread man - the killer is resurrected. He’s diminutive and looks easily breakable, making it hard to believe that this killer cookie is able to run circles around the main characters. Somehow though, he ended up in a slew of sequels, crossovers, and comics!
