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Top 5 DUMBEST Things in Metal Gear Survive

VO: Dan Paradis
I’m pretty sure there’s a hashtag to be used here, starts with an ‘F’ and ends in an ‘i’. Ring any bells? welcome to and today we’re counting down the Top 5 DUMBEST Things in Metal Gear Survive.

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Top 5 DUMBEST Things About Metal Gear Survive

I’m pretty sure there’s a hashtag to be used here, starts with an ‘F’ and ends in an ‘i’. Ring any bells? Welcome to and today we’re counting the Top 5 Dumbest Things we found in Metal Gear Survive.

If you’re subscribed to our MojoPlays channel than you know we’ve already given our full review on this game, if you need a refresher this is what we said: (Metal Gear is a series that use to be Solid but now it’s trying to Survive). For this list we’re analysing some of the moments in this game that made us go: “Wow … really?”. Some of these points did already appear in our review, while others do go into a minor bit of spoiler territory, but screw it.

#5 to 1: The Game Exists

That it! That’s all you need to know. Be sure to check out our other great clips and … alright alright here’s our real list.

#5: The Nurse Says There’s a Cure For Decapitation

One of the earliest allies you meet in the game is Miranda, a nurse that works at the hospital in Cyprus at the start of The Phantom Pain. Though we do have to question her credentials given her medical theories. Early in the game Miranda hypothesizes that it may be possible to cure the Wanderers and return them to human form. Even though they’re missing the top half of their heads? And therefore their brains? Sure, The Captain had his arm restored due to his infection with the Dread Dust nanomachines, but there’s no way Miranda could know such things even exist since she comes from the 1980’s. (Oh sorry, the story has time travel in it, don’t ask) Even then, how would restoring a whole brain from nothing even be possible? She’s a nurse, not a wizard.


In a later part of the game; the crew open a wormhole above the ruins of Mother Base, to which the behemoth know as the Lord of the Dust; slowly moves towards the portal. While everyone else runs as fast as they can to the portal. The Captain, carrying a wheelchair bound Chris on his back, proceeds to head up the first flight of stairs and … stops to stare at the monster … for a good minute. Hey uhh Captain? Do Virgil’s words: “You Must Hurry!” not mean anything to you? MOVE!, RUN!, MAKE HASTE!, GET OUT OF THERE! It’s not even the first time you saw that thing? Why are you being awestruck now?

#3: Crouching Uses Stamina

I’m sure you’ve heard from other sites by now about how low your Stamina gauge is, and well … they’re right your stamina is ridiculously low in this game. The only movement that doesn’t use up Stamina is walking, so it makes sense when you run or crawl across the ground in a prone position that it drains your stamina … Not so much sense when you’re walking slowly in a crouched position. I.e. the position you move in to go stealth. You’re using stamina to move at a speed slower than walking! Who the hell made this game? Oh … Right!

#2: Please Sir, I Need to Eat Another Bear

We get it, Hunger and Thirst meters are staples of the Survival genre, but first can we just acknowledge just how ridiculous fast those meters deplete in this game? This wouldn’t be much of a problem, … if it weren’t for the fact that your character seems to have the stomach made out of Doctor Who’s Tardis. Take a Brown Bear for example, an animal that’s bigger than you. You could feed an entire orphanage with that thing. Yet when you cook his meat it only fills up ⅓ of your stomach. Sure the player can’t take the entire bear back to camp. But … why not just take more meat? You’d have plenty of room.

#1: Paying $10 For an Extra Save Slot

This is just ridiculous. Why would Konami even do this, knowing full well how bad their reputation with the gaming public is? But you want to know what’s worse about; It’s a feature you don’t even need. Yeah All you need to do to start up another save without losing your current one (at least on the PS4 version) is to simply start up the game on a 2nd profile. That’s It! it doesn’t even need a PS+ subscription. That means that Konami is charging players for service that they already have access to. … WOW! … Konami ... you really do deserved that infamous hashtag with BS moves like this.

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