Top 10 British Things That Annoy Even British People

Despite being the people that conquered much of the world, and stood up to the Nazis and the Spanish Armada, we just cannot hack the weather. It’s one of Britain’s top moaning points. “It’s too hot”, “it’s too cold”, “it's raining”, “the rain’s delaying Wimbledon?!” It's true, it can get really cold and rainy in Britain, and conversely, we don’t tend to have much air conditioning when it’s hot; we’re only really okay when the weather’s just right. A sunny day with a gentle breeze to take the edge off.

Yes, he’s one of, if not, the most influential writer in all world history, with stories that have stood the test of time for hundreds of years, and still influence literature and theatre to this day. But despite the Bard’s legacy do you remember, actually, having to sit and read, or worse, watch his ruddy plays? Analysing the writing? Then writing those essays! The plays are so long, and the dialogue can be so dense, anachronistic and borderline incomprehensible, all whilst moving at a snail’s pace. Great, he's a British institution... but so is “Blackadder”.

This one’s a bit of a Catch 22. Our British good manners dictate that we should ask someone how they’re feeling, even if we're not remotely interested in the answer. The other person doesn’t want to tell you, but they're now obliged to answer because it would be rude not to. But sometimes this just gives a platform to someone who insists on talking when they have nothing worthwhile to say. We repress our emotions in this country, thank you very much.

The message of the advert is relatively straightforward: do you want a refund for your PPI or not? Now here’s Schwarzenegger’s head on caterpillar tracks to yell at you. What does he have to do with PPI claims again? It feels like we’re being simultaneously harassed, stalked and blamed by bad sketches written by amateur comedians. Just tell us what we need to do, in a calm and level headed manner, and let us make up our own minds in our own time. Now what, exactly, is PPI again?

There were dozens of celebrities up for a spot . . . Piers Morgan or Katie Hopkins anyone? However it’s Gordon who drew the short straw today because, to be frank, he’s not a D-lister with niche appeal. He’s a successful chef, with TV shows and cookbooks people actually watch and have bought, and who conquered America. With all that you’d think he’d be happy, but after all these years he still behaves like an obnoxious and angry hooligan, screaming into the faces of anyone who isn’t as good at cooking as he is. Calm down mate, it’s only dinner.

A cup of tea, hot water and a tea bag, maybe with some milk and sugar. Sounds pretty simple right? Wrong! There’s way too much pressure involved. How much milk exactly? How long do you leave the tea bag in the water? Don’t even get us started on the “milk first or not” dilemma. You shouldn’t need a degree in mathematics and another in chemistry just to make a brew, but you do, seemingly. It’d just be easier if we all committed to drinking squash.

How can you ever hope to match Christmas Day presents and dinner? Easy: with absolute anarchy. You just received loads of presents, so why not celebrate by going out in a huge crowd and buying more stuff you don't really need and can't afford? Hey, you can even use the opportunity to take those presents — you know, the ones intended as a demonstration of love and affection — and get an exchange or a refund. This is a similar hell akin to the dreaded bank holidays where we all decide to go to the beach en masse.

What is it with these things? What gap in the market needed filling? A constant reminder not to panic in a time that isn’t anywhere near as harrowing as WWII? There’s something annoyingly patronising about being instructed by a poster that you're too stressed and need to do something trivial to resolve it. Who started this trend? Why do they think they have the authority to tell us how to feel? The poster isn’t the boss of us!

Hurray, finally a TV show that lets unpleasant people behave like idiots for fame and fortune. Yay! To be honest we could have picked any reality TV show. We understand that it was a big deal, twenty years ago, putting ordinary people in extraordinary situations, but it’s gone on way too long. Plus these newest iterations are the worst of the worst. Loutish and unpleasant people shouldn’t be rewarded for their bad behaviour, it’s a bad influence, we’re supposed to elevating our ideas, not driving them down.

It's the bane of many a commuter. Unless you’ve been through it, you can’t understand the pain of using the rail replacement service. You paid, fair and square, for a seat on “a train” to get you somewhere; but then, in the middle of the journey, you’re ushered off to the much slower and more crowded bus, the train’s idiot cousin. With double journey time, no apology, no explanation and no ruddy discount, you get, by far, the ultimate test of the limits of human patience in Britain.