Top 20 Craziest South Park Fights
Top 20 South Park Fights
Top 30 Craziest South Park Fights
Why can’t societies just live in peace? Welcome to WatchMojo, and today we’ll be counting down our picks for the Top 20 South Park Fights. For this list, we’ll be looking at the most memorable showdowns and battles from “South Park,” including the 1999 feature film.
#20: ManBearPig vs. Satan “Nobody Got Cereal?”
In a not-so-subtle allegory for global warming, the citizens learn that ManBearPig is real and they should’ve gotten “cereal” a long time ago. To combat this creature, Al Gore and the boys summon upon the only being who can stop it: Satan. This builds to a brawl between the two hulking red demons, calling the “Hellboy” movies to mind. One would assume that Satan has the upper hand here. We mean, he is the devil. Well, apparently ManBearPig has grown even stronger than the Prince of Darkness himself. Impaled by his own horn, Satan dies and goes to Heaven. Yeah, we’re not sure how that works or who is running hell now. In any case, seeing Satan with wings and a halo is surreally hilarious.
#19: Mr. Hat vs. Mr. Mackey “World Wide Recorder Concert”
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Offering therapy on the bus, Mr. Mackey points out that Mr. Garrison uses Mr. Hat as an outlet to confront his deep-seated issues. Mackey seemingly forgets this when Mr. Hat insults his credentials as a counselor. Yanking him off Garrison’s hand, Mackey has a throwdown with Mr. Hat while the students cheer. We’re not sure what’s funnier, that the fight escalates so quickly or that Mackey loses to a puppet. This moment seems to lean towards the theory that Mr. Hat is alive and has a mind of his own. Of course, it’s also possible that Mackey is simply a moron, just like the other adults of “South Park.” Whatever you think, you don’t mess with Mr. Hat.
#18: Kenny vs. Kyle’s Dad “Major Boobage”
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In a homage to “Heavy Metal,” the “South Park” animators are given a chance to step out of their usual comfort zone with several fantasy sequences like this. Tripping on cat urine, a cheesed-out Kenny and Gerald fight for a large-breasted woman’s affection. The two go head to head in a gladiator colosseum that really should’ve been censored. The same can be said about their weapons, which include suggestive jousting lances, swords, and battleaxes. The fact that Gerald is only wearing his underwear doesn’t help. In reality, Kenny and Gerald are actually just having a scuffle in a sandbox as onlookers awkwardly watch. No imaginary woman is worth this much trouble. So, the next time you see a puddle of cat urine, just say no.
#17: Lemmiwinks vs. Wikileaks “Bass to Mouth”
Lemmiwinks acts like a regular gerbil and, to a certain extent, he is. Nevertheless, Lemmiwinks frequently finds himself wrapped up in extraordinary circumstances. When gossip is being shared online, the culprit is revealed to be Lemmiwinks’ brother, a rat named Wikileaks. Did this episode steal a page from “The Secret of NIMH 2?” It’s up to the Gerbil King to stop the dastardly rat. What’s built up as a battle for the ages comes down to a couple of rodents succumbing to their animal instincts. The epic buildup makes the lowkey payoff all the more priceless. The Frog King’s commentary also never fails to crack us up. Lemmiwinks emerges victorious and not even bass to mouth can save Wikileaks. Lemmiwinks doesn’t appear very devastated, however.
#16: PC Principal vs. Cartman “Stunning and Brave”
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Now more than ever, there seems to be a war raging between PC culture and politically incorrect humor. “South Park” materializes this ongoing debate in a confrontation between PC Principal and Cartman. Never one to back down from a challenge, Cartman believes that he can get rid of the strict principal by framing him. His threats don’t faze PC Principal, who’s more outraged that Cartman used works like “capiche” and “spokesman.” Cartman’s microaggressions spark a major backlash with PC Principal slamming him against the bathroom wall. This isn’t so much a fight as it is a one-sided beating that ends with Cartman in hospital. If people could throw real punches on social media, we imagine that most arguments would look like this.
#15: Coon vs. Coon & Friends “Coon 2: Hindsight”
In addition to superhero movies, the “Coon” trilogy parodies “A Clockwork Orange” in this jaw-dropping scene. Lining up for a group shot, Coon and Friends walk down the street in slow motion. At the drop of a hat, though, the Coon goes from marching like Superman to kicking Mosquito like Alex DeLarge. The others are every bit as shocked as the audience with Mintberry Crunch also getting caught in the crossfire. The attack seemingly comes out of nowhere. Of course, the same can be about the violent scene that’s being recreated. What’s especially funny is the aftermath, with the team uncomfortably sitting around a dinner table, conflicted on what to do about their deranged leader. At least Cartman didn’t start reciting “Singin’ in the Rain.”
#14: Robert Smith vs. Mecha-Streisand “Mecha-Streisand”
Just because Trey Parker and Matt Stone make fun of a celebrity doesn’t necessarily mean that they hate them… unless that celebrity is Barbra Streisand. The “South Park” creators went out of their way to depict Streisand as a monster, even turning her into a Mechagodzilla-like kaiju. Parker in particular can’t stand Steisand’s voice. So, it only makes sense that Streisand would be defeated by a singer who Parker DOES like, Robert Smith - who voices himself here. After taking down Leonard Maltin and Sidney Poitier, Streisand goes up against The Cure frontman, who takes on the form of a Mothra-like creature. Following a punch to the nose, Smith sends Streisand spiraling into space. Even Jesus praises Smith as humanity’s savior, which is pretty high praise.
#13: Tweek vs. Craig “Tweek vs. Craig”
Although Tweek and Craig don’t really have anything against each other, their classmates convince them to fight. With Tweek taking up boxing and Craig learning sumo, the two finally square off in a schoolyard brawl. The fight results in Kenny’s death, while Tweek and Craig are sent to the hospital… where they duke it out some more. Even more amusing than the fight itself is the aftermath. This episode presumably led to the ‘ship “Creek,” as well as a plethora of fan art. Over fifteen years after this episode aired, the creators decided to canonize the ‘ship. Tweek and Craig might have started off as bitter rivals (kind of), but now they’re among South Park’s cutest couples. It’s funny how things work out that way.
#12: Mickey Mouse vs. the Jonas Brothers “The Ring”
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Although Disney is often associated with family-friendly wholesomeness, occasionally we can’t help but wonder if something more devious is happening behind the mouse ears. Having reservations about their purity rings, the Jonas Brothers are paid a visit from their boss and we’re not talking about Bob Iger. The name Mickey Mouse is never said out loud - perhaps to avoid a lawsuit - but it’s clear who’s being parodied here. When Joe stands up to Mickey about wearing purity rings, the Mouse responds with a punch below the belt and a few kicks to the face. This foul-mouthed, unhinged portrayal is an uproarious contrast to how we usually perceive Mickey. It’s going to be very strange if Disney owns “South Park” one day.
#11: Michelle Obama vs. Childhood Obesity “Raising the Bar”
In order to one-up Honey Boo Boo, Cartman challenges her to a wrestling match… with spaghetti, naturally. The trashy fight takes place at the First Lady’s Symposium on Obesity where Cartman runs over his opponent several times with his mobility scooter. Once James Cameron raises the bar, however, everyone comes to their senses and realizes how tasteless this is. Michelle Obama thus makes it her mission to fight against childhood obesity, which is taken quite literally. She starts punching Cartman in the face and destroys his scooter. Just when you thought that Mrs. Obama couldn’t get any cooler.
#10: A Fistful of Theoretical Dollars “Canada on Strike”
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“The Spirit of Christmas,” which provided the basis for “South Park,” was among the Internet’s first viral videos - long before YouTube was even a thing. So, it’s only fitting that “South Park” would bring together some of the most iconic internet stars for the ultimate battle. The boys cross paths with Chocolate Rain, Tron Guy, Star Wars Kid, Afro Ninja, the “Leave Britney Alone” Guy, Sneezing Panda, “Numa Numa,” and Dramatic Gopher (who’s actually a Dramatic Chipmunk for the record). This bizarre collection of characters begin to debate who’s the biggest sensation and faster than you can say, “What What (In the Butt),” all hell breaks loose. Judging from the bloody outcome, Laughing Baby and Lonelygirl15 are the only ones who may have survived.
#9: Cartman vs. Kyle “Cartoon Wars Part Two”
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Cartman and Kyle are always arguing, which sometimes leads to physical confrontations. Cartman continually threatened to beat up Kyle on a mission to Canada, only for him to start whining over one mild punch. More punches were thrown when Cartman purposely gave Kyle HIV. Their rivalry reaches a boiling point in a fight over “Family Guy.” Although it looks like a heated battle is about to commence, we’re suddenly reminded that Kyle and Cartman are just little boys. Thus, their fight mainly consists of slapping and time outs. Nevertheless, the face-off takes them through the “King of the Hill” building and across the studio lot. Cartman seemingly secures his victory with a cheap shot, but Kyle has another animated kid in his corner.
#8: Russell Crowe vs. the World “The New Terrance and Phillip Movie Trailer”
Parker and Stone befriended Russell Crowe while they were picking up awards for “Bigger, Longer & Uncut.” That didn’t stop them from making fun of his infamous temper, however. In a “Crocodile Hunter”-like show, Crowe travels the world, picking fights for no good reason. When one fight gets cut short, Crowe takes out all of his rage on the editor. As extreme as this sounds, something similar reportedly occurred in real life when Crowe’s poetry reading was cut from his BAFTA acceptance speech. Following the near-death of his tugboat, Crowe decides to use his fighting gifts for something positive: fighting cancer. Unfortunately, he takes this too literally. Although he’s portrayed as unbalanced and insecure, you may be surprised by Crowe’s reaction to the episode.
#7: Cartman vs. Dr. David Nelson “With Apologies to Jesse Jackson”
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. We all know that’s not true, but a little person named Dr. Nelson remains resolute that Cartman’s relentless ridicule can’t get to him. After multiple attempts to teach Cartman sensitivity, Nelson decides to teach him a lesson in the ring. Working on the episode, there was some debate among the writers over who should win the fight. It depends on how you look at it. Cartman clearly gets the best of Nelson, pinning him down and making him beg for mercy. Nelson gets in the final punch, though. This is good enough to satisfy Nelson, although Cartman still finds himself laughing uncontrollably at him. Um… point proven?
#6: Randy vs. the Bat Dad “The Losing Edge”
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We’re pretty sure that they don’t allow beer at Little League Baseball games, but alcohol amounts to several brawls between Randy and rival dads. When the South Park Cows make it to the championship, Randy sees it as his big shot at a nonexistent title. Although Randy is initially intimidated by his trash-talking opponent - the Bat Dad - he musters up the courage and the booze to duke it out. Their big showdown is like the climax of “Rocky,” albeit with two drunken jackasses instead. The brawl costs South Park the game, but all that matters is that Randy went the distance… we guess? Few things are funnier than seeing Randy in his underpants, being carted off by the police, proclaiming, “I thought this was America.”
#5: Wendy vs. Cartman “Breast Cancer Show Ever”
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Outside of Kyle, Wendy is the classmate who Cartman probably butts heads with the most. Wendy is pushed over the edge when Cartman makes fun of breast cancer, challenging him to a fight. Although Cartman does everything he can to weasel out of it, the day of reckoning inevitably comes. In what plays out like a cross between “Three O’Clock High” and “Snatch,” Wendy lets out all of her pent-up frustration. While Cartman gets in his fair share of blows as well, Wendy ultimately leaves him in a pile of his own blood and tears. Given Cartman’s especially obnoxious behavior throughout the episode, it’s incredibly satisfying seeing Wendy come out on top. Her reference to Daniel Plainview is a nice touch as well.
#4: Let’s Fighting Love “Good Times with Weapons”
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When you’re a kid, simply playing in the backyard can feel more epic than it actually is. This is cleverly personified in this episode, which mixes the traditional “South Park” style with anime action. Things get real, however, when Kenny throws a ninja death star at Butters’ eye. Fearing that Butters will rat them out for playing with ninja weapons, the boys try taking him to the vet, only to be confronted by Craig, Token, Clyde, and Jimmy. A ninja battle ensues, complete with a theme song that you probably won’t entirely understand without subtitles. As fast-paced as the action appears, it’s really about as intense as watching a few kids playing Power Rangers. We especially love one passerby’s blank reaction to the childish squabble.
#3: Pwned “Make Love, Not Warcraft”
Like the aforementioned ninja battle, this fight provides an ingenious contrast between fantasy and reality, thanks in part to Blizzard Entertainment’s cooperation. In the World of Warcraft, the boys have become mighty warriors who are ready to take down the ultimate evil. Outside of the gaming realm, they’ve all let themselves go while their opponent has no life whatever. As is the case with most great games, though, this fight gets us completely invested in what essentially boils down to five people sitting at their computers. The battle even takes a hilariously tragic turn when Randy gives his life to deliver the Sword of a Thousand Truths. This gives them the edge needed to defeat the griefer, which is as gratifying as boss battles get.
#2: Jimmy vs. Timmy “Cripple Fight”
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As one of the show’s most famous moments, we’d be remiss if we didn’t mention this fight. Despite being friends now, Timmy and Jimmy got off on the wrong foot. Their initial rivalry climaxes with a street scuffle, which somehow manages to be both tense and drawn-out. The clash mirrors Roddy Piper and Keith David’s fistfight in “They Live” almost beat for beat. Since making their debuts, the reception towards Timmy and Jimmy has been largely positive. This is because most episodes focus on their capabilities and nowhere is that more apparent than here. Timmy and Jimmy prove that even if you have a disability, you can still kick ass. Perhaps that’s why this scene stands out, aside from the fact that it’s hysterical.
#1: American vs. Canada “South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut” (1999)
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When a franchise makes the leap from television to feature film, the stakes need to be raised. “Bigger, Longer & Uncut” does exactly that with an all-out war breaking out between America and Canada. Caught in the middle are the boys in a fight for free speech. While it doesn’t skimp on the laughs, the battle is also surprisingly dramatic at times. Where most of the other fights on this list were relatively low-risk, the whole world is put on the line here when Satan rises. And to think, all of them stemmed from a few kids saying bad words. Profanity saves the day, though, as Cartman unleashes an electrifying tirade. His filthy mouth brings down Saddam Hussein, with a reformed Satan delivering the final blow.
