Top 10 Worst Lifetime Original Movies
#10: “The Pregnancy Pact” (2010)
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This movie was inspired by the real story of a reporter who traveled to a small town in Massachusetts to investigate a bizarre string of teenage pregnancies. Its message about the dangers, consequences, and hardships of teenage pregnancy is commendable, but the movie squanders any of its thematic potential on shallowness. The acting is mediocre, and the actors portray what should have been complex characters as clueless and unlikeable leads. It also could have explored various complex avenues and motivations regarding teen pregnancy, but instead veers into finger-wagging territory. Not bad, but certainly not what could have been.
#9: “Liz & Dick” (2012)
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This was supposed to be Lindsay Lohan’s big award-worthy comeback after battling addiction, prison, and various rehab stints throughout the 2000s. It’s fair to say that it didn’t work. The movie covers the tumultuous, headline-grabbing relationship between Liz Taylor and Richard Burton, but Lohan and Grant Bowler have such poor chemistry that they don’t capture the actors’ passion and charisma. Lohan was singled out by critics for being especially unimpressive in her portrayal of such a larger-than-life figure. Again, a missed opportunity.
#8: “More of Me” (2007)
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“SNL” alum Molly Shannon stars as Alice McGowan, an overworked mother who juggles children, a husband, and her dedication to an environmental cause. After burning out, she makes a wish for more versions of herself. And wouldn’t you know it, magically, that’s exactly what happens! Now there are three alternate versions of Alice, all independently tackling the three major aspects of her life; but the real Alice becomes invisible and wishes for a return to normality. It’s your typical “be careful what you wish for” narrative, but seriously on the mediocre side.
#7: “Fatal Lessons: The Good Teacher” (2004)
This title doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue, and the actual movie isn’t much better. It’s a story of a mother who is unhappy about her daughter’s performance in school. She goes to her daughter’s teacher to seek extra help, but there may to be more to the teacher than meets the eye. Dun dundun! Bad things start happening! Not only are the characters thinly sketched but the villain is fairly cliché as well, seemingly wanting to cause trouble merely for the sake of it. We weren’t expecting a masterpiece, but still. #6: “Honeymoon with Mom” (2006)
Here’s another less-than-stellar offering. It stars the over-qualified Shelley Long as Marla, a mother who takes a vacation with her daughter Shannon after the latter is left at the altar. But this isn’t just a vacation! Marla actually hopes to interview the resort’s owner to score a killer exclusive for her magazine. We do commend it for putting a unique twist on the typical child-parent vacation hijinks, but the script is uninspiring. The daughter slowly heals her broken heart, while mother and daughter share conversations and heal old wounds and misunderstandings. It’s not terrible, but you’ve seen it all before.
#5: “She’s Too Young” (2004) This film tries to be a hard-hitting drama about its heavy subject matter, a syphilis epidemic among teenagers, and it touches on themes like teenage secrecy, peer pressure, and the stigma of STDs. Unfortunately, the movie really hews to after-school special tropes. The male characters are presented as uncaring, sex-driven morons, and the characters unrealistically say things like “Don’t you want to be cool?” with exaggerated expressions. We appreciate the effort, we really do, but it could have been so much better.
#4: “Cyber Seduction: His Secret Life” (2005) Very much of its time, this issues film tells the story of successful 16-year-old Justin Petersen as he discovers Internet pornography and develops a debilitating addiction that ruins his life. It has even been compared to “Reefer Madness,” as it shares that movie’s tendency towards outlandish exaggeration. It treats pornography like a destructive virus that ruins good people and communities, and the main character is treated as amoral simply because he watches it. We’re sure not saying that pornography CAN’T be addictive and corrosive, but just like “Reefer Madness,” “Cyber Seduction” is a morality tale disinterested in treating its subject matter with any depth or complexity.
#3: “I Me Wed” (2007) Home renovator Isabelle Darden is a successful and happy woman, but is constantly nagged by her mother and friends to find a man and marry. Fed up with the constant questioning, she decides to . . . marry herself. This naturally upsets her family and friends, and, naturally, causes problems after she meets a potential suitor. It’s an intriguingly outsized idea for a plot, but then seriously goes off-message. Isabelle intends to marry herself as a confident declaration of self-empowerment and feminism, only to fall for a guy and marry him at the end of the movie instead. Well… so much for that.
#2: “Mother, May I Sleep with Danger?” (2016) Ah yes, the undead. Not a surprise they would show up on this list. Here, a teenage girl falls in love with a mysterious and seductive female vampire. Only this time the vampires kill abusive men instead of animals, and the protagonist’s mother isn’t cool with her daughter’s sexuality..While this film is definitely aware of its own campiness, and strives to have a progressive message, being in on the joke doesn’t by definition make it, well, good. The pacing is pretty poor, the action somewhat stilted, and many characters are just . . . meh. Plus, isn’t everyone kind of done with vampires yet? Before we unveil our top pick, here are a few dishonorable mentions. “I Killed My BFF” (2015) “A Face to Kill For” (1999)
#1: “My Stepson, My Lover” (1997)
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Oooookkkayyy. HEy, with a title like this, how could it not be on our list? For the curious, “My Stepson, My Lover” follows a nurse as she falls in love with her (wait for it…) stepson, whose ruthless father is played by Terry O’Quinn. Yes, the man who gave us the great John Locke is in a Lifetime movie called “My Stepson, My Lover.” We suppose this could have been handled in an interestingly provocative way, but not only is the plot way over-the-top, it’s filled with both poor writing and acting (including a poor attempt at a Southern accent). There’s not a lot of redeeming qualities about this one.
