Top 10 Things Not to Do During Sex
#10: Saying Thank You
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Sex is a special thing that, depending on what you do and who you do it with, can be a really, really good experience. There’s nothing wrong with celebrating a special time with your significant other, but when it comes to the actual gratitude you may want to hold back that ‘thank you’ that may be brewing. It may seem like an innocent remark, but chances are it will make your partner feel like they just performed a service rather than a meaningful act. Besides, as love making is- ideally- a mutual experience, maybe (hopefully) they also enjoyed the thing that just happened. If you really want to be thankful, breakfast in bed the next day would likely go down just as well.
#9: Checking the Time
Is there really somewhere else you need to be right now? Are you up against a deadline? Is Zorro on soon? Whatever the reason, you should probably keep those thoughts to yourself and watch your partner- not the clock. Even if you think it’s just a cheeky glance and they won’t notice, you're bound to not only get caught but also leave the impression that you are more eager to finish and get the hell out than actually enjoy the sex itself. Sex is just one of those things that can't be shoehorned into a strict time-frame, so once battle commences it’s up to you to be an adult and accept the consequences - scheduling included.
#8: Being Egotistical
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You may think you are God’s gift when it comes to the bedroom department, but you might want to do yourself a favor and take things down a notch when you’re actually getting down. Even if you are an undeniable beast in the sack, constantly letting your partner know about it is probably going to sour things. It's a case of show verses tell. Knowing that you are thinking about them and not how amazing your skill set is will definitely make the night a better one. But if you can’t stop checking yourself out in the mirror or saying how great you are mid-romp, then maybe you would be better off with some happy thoughts – and on your own.
#7: Awkward Dirty Talk & Role-play
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Everyone has different tastes when it comes to sex, but if your tastes are particularly different you may want to give your partner a heads up beforehand. Even if your best scented candle is burning, the sparks are flying and every move and touch are electric, nothing kills a mood faster then suddenly letting loose some cringe-worthy dirty talk. And no one likes being dropped into an unexpected game of improv, especially when pant-less magic is afoot. With honesty and preparation, these two little flavor enhancers can work wonders, but if you’re going to roll the dice of recklessness with them, be prepared to not get the reaction you were hoping for.
#6: Starfishing
Whether you are indulging or doing the majority of the work totally depends on the dynamics of the relationship you’re in and who prefers what. It’s more than acceptable to be treated without putting in much effort now and again, but if you’ve come to expect it and simply lay flat out on the bed waiting to be served, that’s really pushing it. Even if your partner enjoys being the dominant one and doing most of the action, just lazy-ing out and waiting to be boarded shows little interest and care - once again making them feel like they just did their civic duty rather than engaging in something hot, steamy and above all else, meaningful.
#5: Too Many Questions
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Of course you’ll want your partner to be comfortable when you get between the sheets, so prying a little into their personal preferences in bed isn’t a bad idea per se, as long as you keep a little mystery undiscovered. What is a bad idea, however, is asking numerous questions while you’re entangled. You might get away with checking in now and again during the proceedings, but if you are bombarding them with questions every other minute about your performance, then all you are doing is taking away the magic. As well, while it should go without saying, this is also not the best time to start an idle conversation.
#4: Finishing Too Soon or Too Late
This issue is a sensitive one for a lot of people, and while it’s perfectly natural given how every body is different, finishing too quickly can still spoil the whole affair. This is especially true if you are still in the early days of a relationship or are in the midst of a one-night conquest. On the flip side, taking too long can be just as much of a mood killer since both parties are bound to become frustrated and fatigued. While over time, a lot of these issues can be resolved as you start to understand each other’s bodies, it still doesn’t change how annoying it can be when either of them happens.
#3: Answering the Phone
Even if your mind isn’t totally focused on the action itself, when two people are making sweet love that should be the only thing holding their attention at the moment. However, chances are all that love is going to go right out the window if you decide to answer a call or reply to a text message when you’re copulating. Not only does it totally throw off the other person involved, but it’s sending the message that even a well-earned orgasm isn’t as important as your cell phone. Best to leave it on silent... or in the other room.
#2: Hands on Head
You may be having the best sex of your life with a person you hold dear and feel like you just have to grab something to steady yourself; but do yourselves both a favor and grab anywhere but your partner’s head, given the fact that depending on what they are doing and where you could end up may harm you both. On the darker end of the spectrum, if you feel like you aren’t getting enough pleasure and want to encourage more from your bedroom buddy, be warned that few things turn pleasure into pain faster than suddenly grasping their cranium - or pushing it down - without warning. Before we reveal our number one pick, here are a few dishonorable mentions. Singing Proposing Farting
#1: Saying Someone Else’s Name
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Whatever headspace you might be in during the act of making love, here’s a simple tip; if you just have to moan out their name, make sure it’s actually their name! Nothing is more insulting and disheartening in what is supposed to be a fun and amazing experience than knowing that the afflicted party is just a stand in for the person you are really thinking about. It may be accidental, it may just be a misunderstanding, but you can be sure that as soon as the wrong name is said that the hanky panky is now on hiatus.
