Top 10 Scariest Toys Ever Made
#10: Jack-in-the-Box
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The entire point of this toy is to scare children. Isn’t that kind of…messed up? You just sit there in sweaty anticipation while the toy plays its song, waiting with bated breath for the figure to pop out and scare you. The toy was originally built in the 16th century for a German prince, but it wasn’t until the early 18th century that they became widely available. All jack-in-the-boxes are scary, but it’s these period ones that are truly frightening. They play creepy old-timey music and the figures inside are often depicted as terrifying clowns. Most vintage dolls are creepy. These vintage dolls were made specifically to scare you. Why is this a toy again?
#9: Little Miss No-Name
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Released in the mid ‘60s, the Little Miss No-Name doll was intentionally designed to inspire pity in children. Meant to be an impoverished orphan of some sort, Little Miss No-Name is equipped with a burlap sack, unkempt hair, and a tragic lack of shoes. Her hand is also positioned towards the user, as if it’s pleading for them to help her. But the worst thing about the doll is its eyes. The eyes are extraordinarily large and a unique brownish-red, making it look like some type of demon instead of a cute, pleading child. We advise that you do not take that hand.
#8: Coin-Eating Face Bank
We don’t know who designed this atrocity, and we don’t know how they got that job. You can buy these things on Amazon, but we suggest that you don’t. Save yourself the nightmares. A very…um…unique piggy bank, these little objects are meant to consume the coins that you feed it. It sounds fun, but it isn’t. The coin bank comes with a horrifying face, complete with weirdly realistic eyes and two tiny dots for nostrils. The mouth is also pliable, and the face makes creepy expressions as it hungrily consumes the coin. This ghastly thing looks like that stretched face lady from “Doctor Who,” and that is certainly not a good thing.
#7: Pregnant Midge
Created in the mid-60s, Midge was meant to silence those who criticized the newly-released Barbie doll. At the time, Barbie was seen as too mature for children. Midge was a more homely-looking doll, but she herself would later become the subject of controversy. As part of the Happy Family line, Midge became pregnant with her daughter Nikki. As a result, a “pregnant Midge” was manufactured. This doll had a fully removable stomach, and when children ripped it away, they were met with the grisly sight of a baby doll inside the womb. Children were essentially giving Midge a cesarean section, and unsurprisingly, many adults didn’t like it.
#6: Gooey Louie
Even the name makes us want to avoid this thing at all costs. Gooey Louie is a truly grotesque toy from virtually all angles. It looks bizarre, complete with a comically large nose and wide eyes that bulge out of its head. And the entire point of the game is to pick his nose. Yes, players are forced to pull long, stringy boogers out of Louie’s large schnoz, and it is every bit as disgusting as it sounds. But wait, it gets worse! One of the boogers makes Louie sneeze, and when he does so, his green brain shoots out of his retracted scalp. We don’t know if this is more revolting or terrifying.
#5: Baby Alive
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This doll was originally released back in 1973 and introduced young children to the joys of parenthood. The doll came with a spoon and food packets that allowed its owners to actually feed it through its movable mouth. The doll then wet itself. What fun. Later iterations of the doll introduced poop to the mix, because dealing with doll urine just wasn’t fun enough. To make matters even worse, some dolls spoke in an eerily deep and mature voice, telling their young owners that they had to go potty. Not surprisingly, that specific model was discontinued for being a little too terrifying.
#4: Ouija
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This toy has long been synonymous with paranormal activity and demonic possession. But at the end of the day, it is just that. A toy. Talking boards became incredibly common in the midst of the spiritualist movement after the American Civil War. The now-iconic parlor game soon followed. Ouija is famously linked to the occult - a link that is further bolstered by its portrayal in popular culture. While the mechanics of the game have long been regarded as harmless pseudoscience, Ouija is nevertheless a terrifying creation. Impenetrable darkness, candles, maybe a little incense, and a moving planchette is all one needs to get the heebie jeebies.
#3: Yume-Chan
We don’t know why crying dolls are considered a good source of entertainment for children, but whatever. Back in 2012, Japanese toy manufacturer Tomy introduced the Yume-Chan doll. Like many others, this one cries massive tears. But there’s a twist. To make the doll cry, you have to insert a giant syringe into its arm! A) Why is this toy encouraging children to make a play baby cry? That seems kind of malicious. And B) Why does the method of crying have to be from a gigantic syringe?! This is like something out of “Audition,” and that movie has made fully-grown adults cry in fear.
#2: Sir Growls-A-Lot
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Some toys are made exclusively to scare children. This is one of them. We mean, it’s even called “Sir Growls-A-Lot” for crying out loud. This toy bear looks like any other. In fact, when left unattended, it looks positively sad. But that’s the whole point. Its sulky face and downcast eyes are meant to lure children in. But when they give it a hug, the bear turns violent. Its face contorts in anger and bares its sharp teeth. The scary face is enough to send children running for the comfort of their parents. Now there’s a great message to teach the young ones. Don’t comfort things that look sad, because they just might kill you if you do!
#1: Cabbage Patch Snacktime Kid
These dolls were all the rage in the 1980s, and have since become one of the most iconic toys of all time. Of course, there were some failures, and the Snacktime doll was certainly the worst offender. These dolls came equipped with play snacks, and the doll would eat the snack with the help of an internal metal contraption. The problem is that the doll’s mouth couldn’t differentiate between plastic food and human fingers. There were numerous reports of children receiving finger injuries or having their hair ripped out by the doll, and if kids dolls going too far doesn’t bring Chucky to mind, we don’t know what does. Unsurprisingly, Mattel voluntarily recalled the doll amidst the complaints and fierce public backlash.
