Top 10 Most Ridiculous Riverdale Quotes

Don’t get us wrong, the inclusion of Josie and the Pussycats in Riverdale is awesome. But she still delivers one of the worst - and weirdest - lines in the show. When Val is tired of Josie’s domineering ways, she quits the Pussycats and decides to work with Archie instead. Josie quickly replaces her with Veronica. Thankfully, Val and Josie make up, but in a super awkward way ... The cat metaphor is … creative, we guess … but why would Josie reference cat litter to welcome Val back to the group? Glad to have you back Val, we’ll make room in the poop box for you!

The early introduction of Dark Betty was an … interesting way to add dimension to her character. There could have been a really interesting storyline about Betty's mental health, but instead the writers just attribute it all to what they call “serial killer genes”. They try to make it scientific and official sounding, but truthfully the whole thing just comes off as ludicrous. The ridiculousness is brought home by the fact that the whole “issue” was resolved in a few episodes and not really ever mentioned again.

Riverdale likes to inject some real life topical subjects into the mix with its usual dose of fictional, broody teen angst, but this one was probably best left alone. It was really hard to keep a straight face when Kevin tried to get Reggie in on the tickle business. Poor Kevin is always suseptible to whatever dumb new trend reaches Riverdale. Reggie seems initially befuddled by the proposal, but after making some bank, he takes things a step further and suggests they start their own distribution business. And it’s all downhill from there.

Discovering a new passion for music, Archie goes to Josie and the Pussycats for help with his songs. But Josie rejects him while comparing him to a red-headed version of Justin Timberlake. This might have been clever if Archie wrote pop music, or was otherwise similar in any way whatsoever to Justin Timberlake. But he isn’t and frankly, this quote just doesn’t make any sense. Josie usually brings the “A” game with her ferocious quick wit, but sometimes her silver tongue betrays her. This is one of those times.

This show really ruined the term “endgame” for everyone. When Archie runs away from home to escape the wrath of Hiram Lodge, he ever-so chivalrously calls Veronica to break up with her over the phone. She says this line while arguing that although they may need to be apart for now, things are definitely not over for them ... With Veronica’s loquacious way with words, you’d think she could have come up with something more imaginative. What was meant to be a grand declaration of love just feels contrived. Have Riverdale’s writers heard actual people talking?

Speaking of Archie running away, his journey doesn’t last long; he ends up being mauled by a bear. Don’t worry though, he gets better - sleeping it off and waking up with a new sexy scar on his chest to add to his collection. Then he just … returns home. But, wait, isn’t Hiram Lodge still out to get him? That’s exactly what Fred Andrews asks his son, but Archie has a casual, worry-free response ready ... Apparently being attacked by a bear made him invincible. Who knew that confidence and safety could be so, um, easy to find?

Cheryl is famous for being overdramatic, and this speech is the perfect representation of that. Inspired by Riverdale High’s production of Carrie: the Musical, Cheryl decides to confront her mother about all of the terrible things she has done. She goes to her mother drenched in blood and basically threatens to kill her if she doesn’t give Cheryl the mansion and get out of her life. What’s supposed to be a really bad ass Cheryl moment comes off way more funny than it does intimidating. She just keeps saying blood over and over again.

Long before Cheryl became one of the best characters on this show, she was actually a bit of an antagonist to the main four. Even close to being a villain. That’s really the only explanation for why this line ever came out of her mouth. For anyone who is unfamiliar with this term, DILF stands for Dad I’d Like to … well you can guess. Can you believe Cheryl actually said this to Archie's dad? So inappropriate. Yes, Cheryl is the kind of person that says exactly what’s on her mind, but for this one, she probably should have just kept it to herself.

We already knew Jughead was a peculiar fellow with a dark sense of humor. But just in case we missed the memo, Jughead offers us this monologue as proof. When Betty throws him a party for his birthday, he doesn’t appreciate the festivities, and launches into a rant about how she should have known better because he’s not normal. Coming off as way more comical than intended, Jughead's weirdo speech has become somewhat legendary. You gotta wonder: is this the way Riverdale writers talk at home? That would be weird.

Before we unveil our top pick, here are a few honorable mentions.

“My Body”, “Chapter Sixty-Seven: Varsity Blues”

“Cuckoo Bananas”, “Chapter Forty-Three: Outbreak”

“Tangerine”, “Chapter Sixty-Six: Tangerine”

“Daughter of the Black Hood”, “Chapter Seventy-One: How to Get Away with Murder”

“Warrior Queen”, “Chapter Thirty-Six: Labor Day”

Get ready to cringe so hard your face implodes. Archie is trying to rally together his fellow inmates at Leopold and Loeb to play football as a way to stick it to the man. To this end, he attempts to deliver an inspirational speech. When one inmate challenges Archie, his response manages to be both melodramatic and tone deaf. We don’t think that football is the answer to this kid’s problems, Archie. The whole scenario is ridiculous and Archie’s belief that he has a simple solution just comes across as privileged and naive.