Top 10 Funniest Brooklyn Nine-Nine Cold Opens
#10: Full Bullpen “Skyfire Circle”
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While we expect Jake to act a fool the majority of the time (or ALL the time), we don’t expect it from Capt. Holt. If the Nine-Nine crew are stuck on night shift and there’s a cleaner waxing the floor, we know Jake will slide on the freshly-waxed floor in his socks. That’s Jake! But Holt lifting Jake’s arm in a victorious gesture after completing the long slide from the Captain’s office to the elevator is something out of character for the Captain and it totally messes with our expectations (hilariously, we should add). Just look at Holt’s face coming off the elevator, he looks super pissed, but – nope! – he’s as pumped as everyone else that Jake nailed the Full Bullpen.
#9: Oldest Bag “The Vulture”
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Joe Lo Truglio is incredible as Charles Boyle. Every time he inserts himself into a conversation, it’s bound to end badly for him, but yet he just keeps doing it with a huge smile on his face. This cold open would have been funny enough with Charles mistakenly talking about the oldest woman he ever slept with while the rest of the Gang were talking about their oldest arrest; but, what puts it over the top is that Boyle attempts to justify his romancing of a 68-year-old and then goes on to explain how he met her! Watch Andy Samberg’s face as he genuinely cracks up when Boyle says he went to college with her grandson. Amazing.
#8: Amy’s Late for Work “Jake and Sophia”
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It’s one of the better known – and most quoted – cold opens in the show’s run and, HOT DAMN!, there’s good reason for that! It’s not everyday that the normally dry and stoic Capt. Holt explodes in a comical burst of enthusiasm. But, then again, Amy being late for work is a BIG DEAL (as her character is so uptight and perfectionist) so we can understand why Holt is so excited for guessing correctly. What makes this scene so funny is that Capt. Holt doesn’t partake in these little office games often – usually telling everyone to “get back to work” – but this time he not only joins – he wins! Hot damn, indeed! We love seeing Capt. Holt happy!
#7: Frosted Tips “The Night Shift”
Remember the ‘90s? Remember when guys frosted their tips to look more like the Backstreet Boys? Well, the Nine-Nine sure does, and they are NOT having any of it – even when Jake decides to try on the look for himself. Having spent most of the third season undercover in Florida, Jake returns to New York City having picked up a few bad habits down South, but none more so than his choice of hairstyle. The joke is clearly a shot at Florida for being behind the times, but it also reminds us that – once upon a time – frosting one’s tips was the cool thing to do (believe it or not). The fact that Charles frosts his too is just the icing on the cake.
#6: Holt’s Dance-Off “Hostage Situation”
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Like Capt. Holt shouting “HOT DAMN!” after guessing why Amy was late for work, this cold open works so well because it not only upends our expectations of Holt so well, but it does so for Jake and Charles too. The straight walking, slow talking, consummate professional in Capt. Holt would obviously diffuse a heated situation on the streets, but through dancing?? Seriously?! That’s what makes Holt so unpredictably hilarious. Too make it even better, Jake and Charles can’t get to their phones quick enough to record it, so it’s literally as if it never happened, because no one in the Nine-Nine is going to believe that Capt. Holt took part in a dance off. A Spelling Bee, maybe. But not a dance off!
#5: Gina’s Linexit “Four Movements”
While we sure were sad to see Gina leave the Nine-Nine, there’s also no denying that she made one hell of an exit! But, honestly, what did we expect from the woman who worships Rihanna as a God and doesn’t even know who President George W. Bush was? Gina’s all about style over substance and that’s why her two week’s notice comes complete with backup dancers! It’s funny because we expect something over-the-top from Gina, but we weren’t expecting a multilayered dance expressing different parts of her personality. But, thinking about it, after almost six seasons of dancing, wanting to dance, and always talking about dancing, it makes perfect sense. Farewell Gina! You will be missed.
#4: Hula Hooping Injury “Unsolvable"
We can see why the whole Nine-Nine office was speculating about Captain Holt’s injured wrist and his reluctance to talk about it. The idea of Holt tripping on the sidewalk just doesn’t fit into his careful and precise manner. And, it’s surely not as if he was off doing something dangerous like rock-climbing or something. Perhaps he sprained it while playing “air cello” and listening to Yo-Yo Ma? We could actually buy that story… But, it turns out that Holt was indeed doing something not dangerous but quite silly – hula hooping! It’s such a stretch to picture Holt hula hooping for exercise but the pictures on his phone are all the proof we need! And no one will believe a word Jake says…
#3: Dianne Wiest Infection “The Overmining
Everyone loves a good bad joke, right? A pun so bad and so stupid that, on some level, it’s just funny. . . Well, count Charles in as someone who does – to the point where he probably spent the majority of his weekend planning this Dianne Wiest joke. By turning the name of a famous actress into a common bodily infection, Boyle may have just created one of the worst good bad jokes of all time… Or would that be the best good bad joke of all time?? Anyway! The look on Boyle’s face shows that he clearly knows how bad the joke was, and he’s praying for some sort of reaction from Jake, who refuses to give him any satisfaction. It’s a stand off, Nine-Nine style!
#2: Holt’s First Marshmallow “Mr. Santiago”
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There are many times when Jake tries to make Capt. Holt the butt of a joke, but Andre Braugher’s performance (as Holt) just steals the scene and makes us love him even more than we already do. This is one of them… With everyone offering their impersonation of Holt eating his first marshmallow, Charles’ giddy impression seems to be the least accurate, as we just can’t picture the Captain giggling like a little child after biting into a “marshed mallow.” But, not only are we fooled, but Jake and Company look foolish as well, as Capt. Holt takes one bite of the fluffy sweet and breaks into a fit of the giggles! This is the ultimate example of Capt. Holt defying our expectations. Before we unveil our top pick, here are a few honorable mentions: Thanks Dad! “The Apartment” Hitchcock and Scully in the ‘80s “Hitchcock and Scully” Gina’s Phone “The Chopper” Holt Has No Pants “Beach House” Rosa Wears Pink “Det. Dave Majors”
#1: Backstreet Boys Criminal Lineup “DFW”
What would our number one spot be without Andy Samberg taking center stage? This scene is a pretty clever twist on the traditional police lineup, which usually just has the victim pointing out their assailant through a two-way mirror. Since the victim only heard the perp singing a Backstreet Boys song, however, Jake is forced to rethink the police lineup in hilarious fashion. What makes it so funny is that the song is super catchy (go on… admit it! You like it!) and so Jake gets caught up in the singing and totally forgets he’s investigating a murder! But, the guilty party does end up giving himself away via his beautiful rendition of the song, proving Jake is the best detective in the Nine-Nine.
