Top 10 Eric Cartman Plans That Actually Worked

“Make Love, Not Warcraft” When Cartman rallies his friends together to defeat a high-level player who keeps killing their characters, they’re all easily taken out. Everyone is ready to call it quits… everyone except Cartman. He comes up with a well-thought out plan to hold their own against their attacker. His plan even gets noticed by the game’s creators, and the boys are given a special weapon in the final battle. Their success is only half the story! The way Cartman strategically leads his friends through the battle and inspires them to keep going also makes for some great moments. If only he used more of his plans for good…but then he wouldn’t be the same menace viewers know and love!

“The List” After discovering the girls in their class have made a list ranking the boys’ looks, the boys begin arguing over their hypothetical placements. In order to know for sure, Cartman develops “Operation: Cannot Possibly Fail”, a plot he’s mapped out for the boys to steal it from list-keeper Nelly. This plan ultimately fails, but Cartman learns from his mistakes and creates a second one. Second time’s the charm, we guess, because this one works! Of course, the results only create tension between everyone, but Cartman’s no longer the only one being picked on for his looks. Do we smell a conspiracy brewing here?

“Major Boobage” When cats are declared illegal in South Park, Cartman begins hiding Mr. Kitty in his attic. Soon, he’s running his own safe house, hiding Mr. Kitty’s friends and other people’s cats. This is one scheme where Cartman actually helps others without any receiving any personal benefits. It’s one of the rare moments the audience gets to see his softer side and it’s really endearing. Although he claims to learn a valuable moral lesson at the end of the episode, he can’t apply it to the world outside himself, which… yeah, is pretty typical Cartman behavior!

“City People” In an incredibly selfish move, Cartman truly believes his mom’s only purpose is to be devoted to him, and him alone. When she gets a job as a realtor, he manages to found his own company in the field. Driving up the real estate market and causing the Chamber of Commerce to go after him, he refuses to quit until his mom agrees to do so. Although his actions are pretty insane, they’re also impressive, in a sort of of horrifying way. The way he treats his mom is abhorrent, but the fact that this plan actually worked is what earns it its spot on our list!

“Smug Alert!” When Cartman hears Kyle is moving to San Francisco, he is elated… until he’s reminded he might miss having his enemy around. As much as Cartman seems to hate Kyle, he also seems to truly enjoy their rivalry. This leads him to deciding to rescue the entire Brovlofski family, making sure they get back to South Park unharmed. Even though Cartman does this mostly for himself, the fact that he saves Kyle’s family too makes his efforts relatively selfless. He doesn’t want any credit for it either, and goes right back to insulting Kyle as soon as he’s safe. Good ol’ Cartman, are we right?

“Bass to Mouth” Anyone who comes to Cartman for a plan should always be wary of the outcome. The administrators of his school probably should have known this when they asked for his help. As is typical, Cartman only makes things worse. The faculty’s response is less than productive, and Cartman (as Cartman does) seeks retaliation. His forgive-and-forget act is spot-on but, of course, his complimentary cupcakes are laced with laxatives. The school administrators probably should have expected whatever he came up with would backfire, or at least come back to haunt them in the form of laced cupcakes.

“Cat Orgy” Cartman can’t win against Stan’s older sister, Shelley, when she babysits him one night. To get back at her, he successfully collects evidence of Shelley and her boyfriend, Skylar, in their very illegal relationship. He gloats about his victory for a little until he realizes his babysitter is truly hurt. In a rare moment, we see Cartman sympathize and connect with another character. Hearing Shelley putting herself down, he brings her back up and makes it clear something’s off with Skylar, not her. He then offers to use his evil for good, and helps her get back at Skylar. Watching the two of them work together is a lot of fun and, once they team up, Skylar doesn’t stand a chance.

#3: Making Mysterion Reveal His Identity

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“The Coon” Declaring himself a superhero, Cartman instead turns into South Park’s version of the Joker in this episode, threatening violence against the town until a more-appreciated superhero, Mysterion, reveals his face. Cartman’s jealousy is on full display as he plots Mysterion’s downfall. He clearly has no problem putting innocent people at risk which is definitely he mark of a supervillain. Still, by the end of the episode, when Mysterion’s identity is outed and Cartman has done more harm than good, he continues to see himself as the town’s hero.

“Die Hippie, Die” Discovering hippies in South Park, Cartman begins locking them in his basement. After he is thrown in jail for this, the hippies throw a music festival, one that expands and begins taking over the town. After some persuading, Cartman agrees to try to help the people of South Park. What makes this plan interesting is that it’s pretty morally challenged. Yes, Cartman saves the town by stopping the music festival, but the way he gets to the stage…isn’t ideal. He plows through the crowd without mercy in his large drill, definitely causing a few casualties in the process.

#1: The Chili Con Carnival

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“Scott Tenorman Must Die” After being repeatedly outwitted by eighth-grader Scott Tenorman, Cartman comes up with a plan within a plan… the ultimate plan! He even lets the others in on the fake scheme, using it as a way to distract his opponent and enact the real one. He accounts for the smallest of details, including Stan and Kyle’s betrayal. What makes this so well-crafted is the way he keeps it hidden from everyone until the last minute. Even viewers are surprised when he finally divulges his true intentions. Okay, you got us Cartman. You can stop licking Scott’s tears now.