Top 10 Best Clapbacks on The Gilded Age
#10: A Planned Course of Action
“Never the New”
The arrival of the new money Russell family on the same street as the old money van Rhijns immediately unsettles matriarch Agnes, and this is established early on in the first episode. Agnes’ disdain for the Russell family and her refusal to acknowledge them socially seeps down through the household and becomes a topic of conversation among the domestic workers. During one such discussion, footman Jack predicts that a time will come when the new money families will grow too influential to be ignored, forcing people like Agnes to yield. Bannister, however, wastes no time in reminding Jack of his status and restoring the proper order.
#9: Haven’t Been Thrilled in Years
“A Long Ladder”
It takes quite a lot to impress someone as stoic as Mrs. van Rhijn. Early in the first season, her secretary, Peggy Scott, is hired by the New York Globe editor T. Thomas Fortune to write a series of articles. Peggy returns home later that day and shares the news with Marian, who can barely contain her excitement. However, when Agnes enters the room and inquires about the commotion, her reaction is nothing short of tepid. After all, 1865 was the year the American Civil War ended, and unless your news carries that kind of weight, Agnes is unlikely to react with much enthusiasm.
#8: The Bank Account of Life
“Face the Music”
After George Russell secures what appears to be a mutually advantageous deal with Alderman Patrick Morris, Morris and the other aldermen renege in an attempt to cheat him. Once George learns of their duplicity, he retaliates by buying as much stock as possible, driving the alderman to the brink of financial ruin. In desperation, Morris sends his wife to plead with Bertha and ask her to persuade George to back down. For Bertha, however, Mrs. Morris’ request comes entirely out of left field, considering she had never extended so much as a courtesy to her. Bertha uses the opportunity to give Mrs. Morris a pointed lesson about life’s realities.
#7: Monsieur Baudin From Wichita, Kansas
“Let the Tournament Begin”
In the Season 1 finale, it is revealed that the Russells’ chef Monsieur Baudin, had been deceiving everyone. Far from being a sophisticated cook from “gay Paris,” he is exposed to actually be Josh Borden from Wichita, Kansas, who passed himself off as French in order to secure the job. Before he is forced to leave the house, Baudin attempts to justify his actions to the other servants. When he is asked by one of the maids why he continues to speak in a French accent, he explains that it has simply become second nature. His answer is however met with a snarky remark from Church.
#6: An Uncomfortable Day of Travel
“Never the New”
Sisters Agnes and Ada have very different reactions to the news of their brother, Henry’s passing. While Ada is still a bit sympathetic despite Henry squandering all of their inheritance, Agnes can’t seem to get past that betrayal. After they learn that Henry’s daughter, Marian, will be moving in with them, Ada voices her regret over missing his funeral. Agnes, however, dismisses the idea, making it clear that she would never inconvenience herself on her brother’s account. Her contempt for Henry remains unwavering even after Marian arrives, resulting in a tense exchange between the two in which Marian reproaches her aunt for speaking poorly about her father.
#5: Copulate About & Become Learned
“Some Sort of Trick”
From the moment Peggy Scott steps foot in the van Rhijn household, she is met with open hostility from Mrs. Armstrong. This tension ultimately drives Peggy to resign from her secretarial position with Agnes in the first season. Later, when Peggy agrees to return, Agnes urges Armstrong to change her behavior towards Peggy, but the lady’s maid remains defiant. Despite the warning from Mrs. van Rhijn, Armstrong still refuses to accord Peggy any respect, even after she helps her with some sewing. This pushes Peggy way past her breaking point, to the extent that she loses her composure. It is basically her own way of saying “f– around and find out.”
#4: Pride & Prejudice
“Money Isn't Everything”
Agnes may work tirelessly to keep the Russells at arm’s length, but her son Oscar couldn’t be more determined to close the gap. Not only does he maneuver his way into getting invited for luncheon at their house, he summarily brings Larry over to meet his mother, a gesture she certainly doesn’t appreciate. Oscar later points out to her that the Russells are their social equals, given that they live just across the street. But one cannot expect something as trivial as facts to shake Agnes’ deep-rooted convictions! When she eventually retreats to her room in frustration, Oscar makes it clear that her prejudice won’t be going away anytime soon.
#3: Me, a Bastard; You, a Fool
“Never the New”
George Russell is a man driven by ambition. And when he sets his sights on a goal, he spares no expense in achieving it. After John Thorburn rejects his two offers to buy a stretch of railroad line, George decides to spend a fortune building an entirely new one, just to put Thorburn out of business. At first, Thorburn views this as reckless spending, but when he realizes George’s true intentions, he comes to see him less as a simpleton and more as a calculating schemer. To George, however, it is only a small price to pay for the lesson he intends to teach: that his second offer is always his last.
#2: You’re Talking Nonsense, George
“Marriage Is a Gamble”
Bertha Russell is quite certain she knows best, especially when it comes to deciding who her daughter, Gladys, should marry. To that end, she orchestrates a union with the Duke of Buckingham, despite the fact that George had previously promised to let Gladys marry a man of her choice. After a dinner with the Duke and his sister on the eve of the wedding, George raises his misgivings about the arrangement once again. He suggests Gladys might, in fact, be happier with a much simpler life. The very notion of this is preposterous to Bertha, who snarkily suggests that George retire for the night and sleep off his foolishness.
Before we unveil our top pick, here are a few honorable mentions.
“You Don’t Read”
Armstrong’s Contempt for Peggy Rubs off on Innocent Bridget
“Stick to Louisa May Alcott”
Agnes Never Passes up an Opportunity to Belittle Ada
Even Benedict Arnold Had a Reason
Agnes Isn’t at All Pleased When Bannister Has to Leave the House
The Broken Backbone of Society
Oscar Can’t Hide His Annoyance at Being Forced to Attend the Academy of Music
The Usual Precautions of a Housewife
Agnes Struggles to Understand Why Oscar Failed to Carry Out His Due Diligence
#1: “The Skin of a Rhinoceros”
“Face the Music”
Oscar van Rhijn truly is the son of his mother. Of all the characters, he is the only one who can match her quick wit and acerbic tongue. As mentioned earlier, Oscar tries to ingratiate himself with the Russell family in the first season, much to Agnes’ dismay. In the third episode, after finally securing a seat at the Russells’ luncheon, he breaks the news to Agnes, who, unsurprisingly, doesn’t take it well. But it is Oscar’s clever response to her caustic remark that steals the moment. The layers to the joke are boundless, and it only proves that in a war of words, Agnes’ most dangerous adversary is none other than the son she raised.
What are your favorite quotes from “The Gilded Age”? Share them in the comments below.
