The 10 CRINGIEST Lines in Video Games

The 10 Cringiest Lines in Video Games

Welcome to MojoPlays, and ‘all your base are belong to us’. Today, we’re looking at the 10 Cringiest Lines in Video Games. Cringe is hard to define, but it’s easy to spot. If you hear a line of dialogue and your toes curl, it’s probably cringe. If you hear a line of dialogue, and your brow furrows, it’s probably cringe. If you hear a line of dialogue, and you vomit in your mouth through tears, it’s probably cringe. Let’s go.

#10: There’s no way you’re taking Kairi’s heart

“Kingdom Hearts” (2001)

More often than not, the cringe meter doesn’t come from the actual writing of a piece of dialogue, but from the delivery, and in this particular moment of Square Enix’s 2001 masterpiece Kingdom Hearts, it’s the delivery that kills it for us. At the climax of Hollow Bastion, in a showdown with Riku, it seems like Riku is about to deliver the killing blow on Sora, when at the last second he stops the strike with a block of his own. Then, he puffs up his chest, gets his big boy voice out, and delivers this absolute gem. The edgy delivery from the generally soft spoken Sora feels a little out of place, and causes many players to burst out with laughter. It’s like getting yelled at by a teddy bear.

#9: I have to stay alive to write this article before I die

“Disaster Report” (2002)

Disaster Report, released in 2002 under the alternate title SOS: The Final Escape, immerses players in the role of a reporter tasked with uncovering the gradual demise of an artificial island. Amidst the chaos of collapsing structures and frequent earthquakes, your primary objective is to escape the island. Despite the circumstances, the game underscores a profound commitment to journalism, (which is hilarious already) as you navigate the unfolding catastrophe while simultaneously striving to document it. In an era replete with technological advancements like laptops and Wi-Fi, one might wonder why the protagonist doesn't simply rely on modern tools to fulfill their journalistic duties amidst the island's impending collapse. This line, in all its tautological glory, hits the ears very poorly, with the motivation being cringe, and the writing being dogs**t.

#8: Jason!

“Heavy Rain” (2010)

The one thing you don’t want to do in a deeply emotional moment of a film, or a game, or a play, is make your audience laugh. When you are intending on complete and total seriousness, missing the mark and causing people to burst out with the giggles can heavily impact the intended tone, and unfortunately, the delivery of the line “Jason” in this section is so goddamn goofy, it undermines the unbelievably serious scene of a child going missing, and dying. Allowing the player full control of this line, with only a handful of variations in delivery, is a moment of cringe we won’t soon forget.

#7: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

“Final Fantasy X” (2001)

JRPG’s can often have their moments of agonosing cringe. To western audiences, some interactions are a little bit too cute to slide under the radar. This interaction between Tidus and Yuna in Final Fantasy X, is probably trying quite hard to be cute, but ends up coming across excessively cringey due to the scene itself, and the delivery. When trying to cheer up Tidus, Yuna adopts the childish method of making him smile to forget his worries, when one adult is telling another “Come on! Let’s see that smile,” it’s personally a little much for me. But, it gets even worse when she forces Tidus to laugh out loud, and he delivers the most stagnant “ha ha”’s you’ve ever heard. Couple this with them fake laughing together, and we’re officially done for.

#6: Master of Unlocking

“Resident Evil” (1996)

Originally launched in 1996, the Resident Evil series played a pivotal role in popularizing mature, horror-themed video games, thrusting the "survival horror" genre into the mainstream. What it didn’t play a pivotal role in was popularizing making characters talk like they were born on this planet. Amidst a plethora of memorable lines, one stands out, the enduringly amusing advice from Barry Burton to Jill Valentine: "Jill, here’s a lockpick. It might come in handy if you, the master of unlocking, take it with you." Such lines linger in our memories even after all these years, encapsulating the charm of the era. ‘Jill sandwich’ comes in a close second.

#5: They may as well talk to each other

“NBA 2K24” (2023)

This is less about one line, and more about an entire collection of lines. Being a commentator can’t be easy. You have no lines, you’re just commenting on what is happening before you and you have to be engaging, informed, and sometimes funny. Commentator humor can miss the mark sometimes. It’s all improv, but at least it’s improvised. When the dialogue is written, that’s when things get a little cringy. Any attempt at humor from the commentators in this game is met with audible groans from players, as the humor feels less ‘on the fly’, and more ‘dad jokey’. The most memorable being “Well, they don’t have cell phones down there to text each other so they may as well talk to each other.”

#4: They played us like a damn fiddle

“Metal Gear Solid V: Ground Zeroes” (2014)

Kojima is infamous for lines of dialogue filled to the brim with melodrama, and it was hard to just pick ONE from Metal Gear Solid, but for today we’ve decided to go with the line from MGSV that was so infamous it became a meme. After Big Boss completes his mission in Ground Zeroes, it becomes evident that the inspection was merely a distraction for a surprise assault on Mother Base, catching the MSF soldiers unaware and leading to the base's submersion beneath the ocean's surface. Though narrowly escaping with his life, Miller reunites with Big Boss to convey the unfolding events, prompting him to utter this AWFUL line. It’s something about the seriousness of the moment being coupled with this comical description that leaves us laughing till the cutscene is over.

#3: That Wizard came from the moon

“Destiny” (2014)

Cringe is hard to define, and this one could be argued as less cringe, and just more plain lazy, but it’s undeniably famous, so we have to talk about it! Now, although many people believe Peter Dinklage was replaced for a tonal change, that’s not technically the case. It was instead due to “scheduling conflicts”, which is a fact that fans of his character in this game like to remind people of. But, when you take into account the online hate he received WELL before he was recast, it’s hardly the smoking gun they think it is. With as much passion as a factory worker on their 10,000th shift, Peter Dinklage delivered this line like he’d never experienced even a touch of whimsy in his life.

#2: Mario, and Princess Beach

“Death Stranding” (2019)

Was this scene being played for laughs? Was it meant to be serious? Why the hell would Sam refer to himself and Amelie as Princess Peach and Mario when they’re brother and sister? That’s creepy. So many questions remain after experiencing this, and we don’t even have time to get into what is happening plot wise at this point, so let’s sum it up like this. Amelie, ever the comedian(?), makes a god awful pun (jumping off her brother's previous analogy), delivers it in full earnesty, and then the two run together along the beach smiling and laughing. Tonally, this didn’t match anything else going on, and also, it’s just such poo writing. I’ve been a Kojima fan boy since I was 5 years old, and even I think someone needs to reign this guy in.

#1: Dark Soul with Light

“Devil May Cry” (2001)

Obviously this is gonna be our number one pick. It’s atrocious. Sometimes cringe comes from the actor making the wrong choice, sometimes cringe comes from the writers making the wrong choice, and sometimes cringe comes when both these elements clash in a perfectly harmonious mess of dogs**t. At the climax of Devil May Cry, Dante, in agony and pain, believing his love to be dead, lets out the infamous line complete with voice break and echo. Even though the acting choice left much to be desired, the actual line is so lame, Daniel Day-Lewis couldn’t have delivered it well.