Top 10 Overplayed Holiday Songs Retail Workers Can't Stand

#10:“It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” (2011)

Michael Bublé

You can’t spell “holiday” without “Bublé.” Or, at least it seems to feel that way, given how omnipresent this Canadian vocalist is around this most festive time of year. His take on “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” isn’t the most egregious example of X-Mas musical cheer on this list, hence his position near the bottom. Yet at the same time, we can’t help but think of other, better versions of this tried and tested holiday classic to fill our ear holes during a shopping trip. And we’re sure that a lot of retail workers would probably agree with that assessment, as well.

#9: “Feliz Navidad” (1970)Jose Feliciano

Nearly all of the songs on this list are considered both standards and classics…but that doesn’t necessarily mean we want to hear them all the time. The simplicity of “Feliz Navidad” by Jose Feliciano works in the song’s favor with regard to its heartfelt message, but that directness also makes it difficult for retail workers to hear day in and day out. “Feliz Navidad” doesn’t have any in depth verses or complex story to tell; it’s just a Christmas wish in two languages that’s supposed to spread good cheer. Of course, that cheer may occasionally be difficult to find for those passing their shifts away behind a cash register or service desk.

#8: “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” (1984)

Band Aid

Mileage almost certainly may vary when it comes to most charity songs, although we admit that Band Aid’s “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” has lasted a heck of a long longer than many of its contemporaries. Maybe it’s due to the memorable arrangements from songwriters Bob Geldof and Midge Ure, that oh-so-eighties production value that lends “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” a certain nostalgic appeal to some fans. Still, those stuck working in shops might feel anything but happy to be reminded of those charity group days, and wish to drown out those mental images of celebrities holding headphones to their ears with such damned sincerity.

#7: “Santa Baby” (1953)Eartha Kitt

The jury will probably always be out with regards to how well “sexy” Christmas songs do for the general populace. Are they coy and cute or just cringe? Everybody’s got an opinion, including workers that may not exactly be keen on having to hear Eartha Kitt’s fantasies about good ol’ Saint Nick. A pre-Catwoman Kitt goes all in on the performance, too, mugging and exaggerating her vocals to the point where we almost feel uncomfortable. “Santa Baby” is just one of those songs that requires a proper time and a proper place…preferably not while we’re stocking shelves, thank you very much. Oh, and don’t even get us started on that Michael Bublé version…

#6: “A Holly Jolly Christmas” (1964)Burl Ives

We don’t blame Burl Ives for this one, nor do we wish any ill will towards Rankin-Bass’ all-time holiday classic, “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.” We love to watch that one unironically every year, but at the same time, that viewing is also the only time we really wanna hear “A Holly Jolly Christmas.” Don’t get us wrong, Ives’ performance is wonderful on the track, all full of warmth and cheer, but should store workers be subjected to it multiple times on a daily basis? We don’t think so, and we don’t think Burl Ives would want those same clerks to be unhappy, right?

#5: “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” (1970)The Jackson 5

Now we don’t necessarily want to single out solely the Jackson 5 version of “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” on this list as a holiday song retail workers want to take a hike. Maybe their particular store plays the version The Ronettes recorded for producer Phil Spector, or even the original by Jimmy Boyd. It ultimately all comes down to how much prepubescent Michael Jackson you want to hear on a song that’s all about spying on mom making out with a man that’s not daddy. Oh sure, the listener may know that the sanctity of this marriage is still intact, but what about young Michael! He’s gonna tell his dad! Which, if he’s referring to Joe, is a whole other kettle of fish.

#4: “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” (1963)Andy Williams

It’s a vinyl record that your grandparents probably had, or maybe your parents - one that was always busted out around the holidays. Andy Williams’ Christmas album was a huge, holiday-defining release for the singer, containing such career staples as “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year.” Then again, the holiday season is often anything BUT the best time of the year for many workers. Maybe “most annoying” or “most stressful” fits in better as alternative lyrics for this one, a song that’s seemingly omnipresent on every retail Muzak playlist on planet earth. Also weirdly used for back-to-school.

#3: “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas” (1953)Gayla Peevey

Novelty songs. You either love ‘em, or you wish that they’d just go away and never come back. “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas,” mercifully is one of those novelty tunes that’s only brought out of retirement for one time of the year, but if you ask us? Gayla Peevey and this song can go pound sand. We’re sick of hearing it in stores, and we’re willing to bet that workers at your local big box chain or supermarket would agree with us! We don’t even care how cute Peevey was as a child star! She may want a hippopotamus for Christmas, but all we want is for said hippo to sit on that 45 RPM record, so it breaks.

#2: “The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late)” (1958)Alvin & The Chipmunks

We’re honestly pretty glad that The Chipmunks have managed to transcend so many generations, making kids laugh throughout multiple movies and television shows. At the same time, however, the original novelty tune that started it all has worn fairly thin with us over time, especially those of us who’ve worked retail in our lives. The Bagdasarian Family has come a long way in adapting and perfecting the Chipmunks’ voices and personalities over the years, and this makes hearing this embryonic version of Alvin’s duet with David Seville feel charming, yes…but also a little annoying.

Before we unveil our top pick, here are a few honorable mentions.

“Jingle Bell Rock” (1957), Bobby Helms

Maybe Smashing Those Rock ‘n Roll Records Wasn’t a Bad Idea After All…

“Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays” (1998), NSYNC

A Toothless Boy Band Holiday Song

“Carol of the Bells” (1916), Mykola Leontovych

The Trans-Siberian Orchestra Version or GTFO

“Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” (1979), Elmo & Patsy

Novelty Shock & Violence For the Holidays!

#1: “All I Want for Christmas Is You” (1994)Mariah Carey

As if it could be anything else. Mariah Carey has pretty much become the ambassador for Christmas, whether she likes it or not. Everyone knows that hearing “All I Want for Christmas Is You” is the unofficial ending of spooky season and turkey time. It serves as the harbinger of snow, presents and a red-suited fat man - all serenaded by Mariah Carey’s inimitable wail. Maybe you wait all year to hear it, or maybe you dread every time that instantly-recognizable intro hits your ears. One thing’s for sure, however: “All I Want for Christmas is You” isn’t going away, and it’s never going to stop tormenting retail workers every holiday season.

Do you love Christmas music? Or are you wishing it away immediately after Thanksgiving is over? Let us know in the comments!

“Merry Christmas (I Don’t Want to Fight Tonight)”Ramones

Video

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KIhIBFPtnoc