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Top 10 Worst Things That Happened To Squidward

VO: Phoebe de Jeu WRITTEN BY: Joey Turner
Here's the crankiest punching bag under the sea. Welcome to WatchMojo, and today we're counting down our choices for the Top 10 Worst Things That Happened to Squidward. For this list, we're reluctantly looking at some of the cruel, unusual, and just plain gruesome incidents for SpongeBob's grumpy neighbor and deluded artist, Squidward Tentacles. Fans have complained that the show takes too much delight in Squidward's misery, and they may have a point. Not only are most of these examples hard to stomach, but there will also be spoilers.
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He’s the crankiest punching bag under the sea. Welcome to WatchMojo, and today we’re counting down our choices for the Top 10 Worst Things That Happened to Squidward.



For this list, we’re reluctantly looking at some of the cruel, unusual, and just plain gruesome incidents for SpongeBob’s grumpy neighbor and deluded artist, Squidward Tentacles. Fans have complained that the show takes too much delight in Squidward’s misery… and they may have a point. Not only are most of these examples hard to stomach, but there will also be spoilers.





#10: Fired from His Own TV show


After learning how easy it is to get on TV, Squidward lands a chance to host his own talk show on public access. Unfortunately, SpongeBob, Patrick, and all of Bikini Bottom get in the way as they break into Squidward’s house and turn his simple talk show into a wild house party. Apparently, the show’s a hit, but the cephalopod gets booted off his own show; to add insult to injury, they continue using his house and his name for their own insane, obnoxiously loud series – keeping him wide awake at night.





#9: Patrick’s Lemonade Stand


Patrick is running a lemonade stand and ends up drawing a crowd with his “black lemonade” – aka Squidward’s nose ink. To keep his business afloat, Patrick goes out of his way to terrify the ink out of poor Squidward – even going as far as building a weirdly personal haunted house. You’d expect this kind of conniving, almost sadistic business practice from Plankton or Mr. Krabs… but from the “good-natured” doofus? To make it even worse, nobody seems to care that they’re drinking squid ink until Squidward takes over the business –meaning he has NOTHING to show for his idiot neighbor irritating his condition.





#8: Being Trapped in Cement


After his TV time is ruined, Squidward leaves his home in a huff… only to run into a cement truck and get completely covered in concrete. Mistaken for a wild animal, he is put in a zoo by animal control – where visitors laugh at how hideous he is. SpongeBob and Patrick eventually break him out and leave him in the wild with creatures that look almost exactly like him. What makes all this humiliation even worse is that never ONCE does anyone seem to wonder or care about where the missing Squidward is – but at least he gets a somewhat happy ending afterward.



#7: Head-Go-Boom-Boom-Itis


Once again, SpongeBob and Patrick interupt Squidward’s private time with their annoying playtime; this time, however, Squidward ends up hitting his head so hard, it swells up and he starts acting like a baby. The bumbling twosome acts as the infantile cephalopod’s parents, which leads to even more head trauma. It becomes uncomfortably disturbing with every hit Squidward takes on the noggin, and cringy with the idea of him mentally regressing to an infant, and his little… “accident” at work. Thankfully, a little ice brings our cephalopod back to normal, and we can try to forget this episode ever happened.





#6: Losing His Perfect Sunday… Forever


Squidward made plans for a nice, simple Sunday where he can relax. Sadly, SpongeBob and Patrick take away most of his day by annoying him. He tries to keep them out with a new security system… but it turns his house into a rampaging robot that destroys half of Bikini Bottom. To top it all off, because it was his house, he’s sentenced to do community service every Sunday for the rest of his life… alongside SpongeBob and Patrick. All Squidward wants is to enjoy his Sundays in peace, but thanks to his “good neighbors” he’ll never have that luxury ever again.





#5: Sentenced to Boating School


After accidentally running into a stop sign, Squidward is sentenced to a day at Mrs. Puff’s Boating School. That doesn’t sound so bad… except he ends up in you-know-whose class. Naturally, SpongeBob is excited to share a class with his neighbor, but his admiration comes off as borderline obsessive and clingy. The “fun” doesn’t stop there, as Squidward gets repeatedly beaten up for inane reasons until he’s too injured to complete his final exam. If his next class is anything like this one, then our grumpy squid might be trapped in Boating School for a long time – all thanks to his “boating buddy”.





#4: SquidBob TentaclePants


Squidward is preparing for his big clarinet recital, but when he accidentally gets mixed up in Sandy’s latest experiment, he and SpongeBob end up fused together into one two-headed monstrosity. This is doubly horrifying for Squidward, however, in a bizarre twist of fate, the recital crowd loves the two-headed freak, and for a brief shining moment, Squidward is finally in the limelight – until Sandy fixes the two at the worst possible time. With his recital ruined and his newfound stardom gone, Squidward desperately tries to reverse the process… and the result is even more terrifying and hard to stomach.





#3: His Morbid Depression


SpongeBob wants to give Squidward a happiest memory, but all his attempts only make the cephalopod even more miserable… and battered. Eventually, Squidward falls into a clinical depression, and there are some pretty grim visual gags that make it look like he’s suicidal – luckily, they turn out to be tasteless fakeouts. In a last-ditch effort, SpongeBob tries to cheer up his forlorn neighbor with a party… full of paper-mâché doppelgangers of himself. Finally having his fill of his annoying neighbor’s hijinks, Squidward snaps and violently mutilates the SpongeBob copies, screaming that this is his happiest memory. Well, at least he’s not depressed anymore?



#2: His ‘Visit’ with SpongeBob


Even the cephalopod’s house takes its own share of beatings – blown up, demolished in a golf game, the list goes on. Nevertheless, Squidward would never leave the comforts of his home to visit SpongeBob’s pineapple… unless he was forced to. The little sneak “borrows” his vacuum cleaner to lure him next door only to reveal that he’s redesigned his interior to match Squidward’s… down to an eerily microscopic level. When he finally escapes this carbon copy nightmare, Squidward finds that his real house has burned to the ground – leaving him no choice but to stay in SpongeBob’s replica after a horrific mental breakdown.







Before we unveil our number one pick, here are a few dishonorable mentions at Squidward’s expense.



Kicked Out of the Cephalopod Lodge



Trapped in Time-Traveling Limbo



Breaking His Laugh Box



Mauled for Having Boat Smarts

Having His Toenail Violently Ripped Off



#1: His ‘Best Day Ever’


We’ve seen Squidward get mauled by Sea Bears, guard worms, and so on; but this is one of the earliest instances of the poor schlub taking his unnecessary lumps. After a biking accident, Squidward ends up in a body cast, and thus SpongeBob and Patrick try to make sure he has the best day ever. What follows is an all-day marathon of pain – getting burnt by hot soup, having his hand impaled, all before finally getting gruesomely zapped by a queen jellyfish. While the twosome had good intentions, it only cements how hazardous they really are for Squidward’s health.



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