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Top 10 Funniest Homer Simpson Quotes

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Written by Jason C. McLean He may not be the brightest guy in Springfield, but he sure has a way with words. Welcome to WatchMojo.com and today we'll be counting down our list for The Top 10 Funniest Homer Simpson Quotes. For this list we'll be looking at the funniest, most quotable things the doughnut-loving cartoon patriarch has said throughout the Simpsons' extremely long run on TV. We will however, excluding recurring catchphrases, so don’t expect to be hearing “D’oh!” here. Have an idea you want to see made into a WatchMojo video? Check out our suggest page at http://WatchMojo.comsuggest and submit your idea.
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He may not be the brightest guy in Springfield, but he sure has a way with words. Welcome to WatchMojo.com and today we'll be counting down our list for The Top 10 Funniest Homer Simpson Quotes.

For this list we'll be looking at the funniest, most quotable things the doughnut-loving cartoon patriarch has said throughout the Simpsons' extremely long run on TV. We will however, excluding recurring catchphrases, so don’t expect to be hearing “D’oh!” here.

#10: “You Don’t Win Friends with Salad”


When Lisa decides to become a vegetarian, she meets with resistance from pretty much everyone in town, especially her meat-loving dad. When she suggests that he not serve meat at a barbecue he was planning, Homer laughs off the suggestion and neatly sums up the then-current thinking on the social impracticality of not eating or serving meat. The quote’s so catchy that Bart even turns it into a mini musical number, which the whole family takes part in, except, of course, Lisa.

#9: Stupider Like a Fox!


Homer is a proud man, one who’s prone to arguing and unafraid of conflict. When the situation calls for it, he isn’t above busting out some old idioms to come across as tough. Unfortunately, he rarely gets these time-honored expressions right, and, without taking time to think of how they apply to his situation, the resulting quotes are often comedic gold. In an attempt to one-up the Shelbyville junkyard owner whose son has stolen the Springfield lemon tree, Homer delivers this doozy of a quote, completely oblivious to the fact that he has, in fact, reinforced what his adversary has said, and done so with gusto.

#8: “Five Days? But I’m Mad Now!”


One of the strengths of The Simpsons is the show's ability to address complex social issues and boil them down to simple yet hilarious concepts and statements. In a season nine episode, Homer thinks he needs to buy a gun to protect his family. After a funny exchange with the gun store owner, in which he pretty succinctly proves that he isn’t responsible enough to own a firearm, Homer reaffirms his impatience with this hilarious line. Expressing his desires without second thought, Homer unintentionally hammers home the very thing that makes government-mandated waiting periods so important - anyone who wants a gun immediately… REALLY shouldn’t get one.

#7: I'm Normally not a Praying Man, but if You're up There, Please Save me Superman”


This quote from the season nine episode, in which Lisa goes missing and Homer tries to find her, is a clever fake out on the part of the writers. We start to think that Homer, who is in quite a predicament, is going to go out of character, and he does. For a moment, he actually starts to pray. But then, he turns back into the same pop-culture influenced and hilarious Homer we all quote and love by invoking Superman as his savior, in a scene that is also reminiscent of one in Superman II.

#6: ““Weaseling out of Things Is Important to Learn. It's What Separates Us from the Animals...Except the Weasel””


This season five quote really shows how Homer's thought process works. After Bart joins the Junior Campers in a sugar induced haze and wants to renege on his promise, Homer's well-intentioned parental instincts kick in and he gives what he thinks is sound advice. While he doesn't realize the obvious moral flaw, he does see the logical one... and adds an addendum to his statement. It's this kind of well-meaning oblivious confidence that makes us love Homer, and makes this quote so funny.

#5: “Oh Yeah, What Are You Gonna Do? Release the Dogs? or the Bees? or the Dogs with Bees in Their Mouths and When They Bark, They Shoot Bees at You?”


When your rich boss takes your son as his own, a father only has one choice - go get him. This gem of a line from Homer was the perfect sarcastic response to what he and all of us watching suspected would be Mr. Burns’ reaction to Homer’s rescue attempts. Since ordering Smithers to release the hounds is what the evil billionaire generally does when visited by an unwelcome guest, Homer’s assumption that Burns would take it to the next level in this scenario was a fair one - but ultimately incorrect. In a cold move, Burns and Smithers simply close the door on the desperate father’s face, an outcome that no one saw coming.

#4: “First You Get the Sugar, Then You Get the Power, Then You Get the Women”


This famous Homer Simpson quote is actually a tribute to another pop culture icon. When Homer hopes for a big score in the sugar racket and Marge is worried about him, Homer defends himself by delivering a variation of a line said by Al Pacino's Tony Montana in the film “Scarface.” Of course Montana was talking about money and, which the gangster made selling a different white powdery substance, but the homage is clear. In a testament to Homer’s influence, though, over the years, his funny version became just as iconic as the original.

#3: “I Am so Smart... S-M-R-T, I Mean S-M-A-R-T”


Leave it to Homer and his frequently unwarranted boasting to make an unintentionally hilarious statement on how we view education, particularly how we prioritize a piece of paper over actual knowledge. When the Simpson family patriarch is headed back to college to complete a nuclear physics course, he is so excited that he lights his high school diploma on fire – a fire that spreads to the wall it hangs on – all the while singing about how smart he is. He, of course, doesn’t quite get the spelling right. The fact that the line is actually a mistake made by Homer’s voice actor Dan Castellaneta that was left in only makes it more funny.

#2: “Kids, You Tried Your Best and You Failed Miserably. the Lesson Is, Never Try”


When Homer is having a great time laughing at his kids’ misfortunes (those of Bart in particular), completely ignoring the fact that he’s the one who put them in the situation in the first place, Marge interrupts with a suggestion. She remarks to her husband that perhaps this would be a good time for some words of reassuring wisdom. What she, Bart, Lisa, and the audience got instead was a classic Homer line. True to his character, it starts off typical, before taking a serious left turn to make it downright terrible parenting. But hey, it sure was funny.

Before we unveil our top pick, here are a few honourable mentions:

“You Don't like Your Job, You Don't Strike. You Go in Every Day and Do It Really Half-Assed. That's the American Way”

“Operator! Give Me the Number for 911!”

“Stupid Sexy Flanders”

#1: To Alcohol! The Cause of, and Solution to, all of Life's Problems”


It’s a one-line statement that perfectly sums up not only this character, but the ambiguous moral lesson of this classic episode. When Springfield bans alcohol and then reverses its decision thanks to Homer temporarily becoming a prohibition-era beer baron, the town celebrates with the booze that the mob is able to provide so quickly. Instead of moralizing, Homer delivers an episode-closing line that is as passionate as it is matter-of-fact, neutral, and depressingly honest. Though it may be a bleak outlook on life, it sure makes for a hilariously quotable line.
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