WHAT IS THIS I CAN’T EVEN

The Internet is a hard place to get a handle on. To say the least. Reality, virtual reality, kinda-sorta-reality. . . it all blends together sometimes.

Now is one of those times. Tara Reid broke the Internet.

How, you may ask? But how can you ask that? Have you been living under a rock? Like some kind of rodent? Or perhaps inside a hedge? LIKE SOME KIND OF RODENT? Well, roll over Beethoven. . .

Attention Hog

Here is The Guardian to lay it all out for y’all:

No journalist likes to admit this, but I recently blew a scoop. Last month I had to interview Tara Reid about Sharknado 5. I’d planned to ask her about some of her upcoming roles – in films with titles such as Party Bus to Hell, United Colors of Bennett Song and Andy the Talking Hedgehog – but before I could get there, Reid cut me off with what sounded like a well-practised wrap-up speech. That was fine; she’d spent most of the interview revealing that she’s been the victim of bullying, so it would have felt cruel to directly follow that up with a sneery “Hey Tara, tell me about your dumb hedgehog movie”. But now Andy the Talking Hedgehog is one of the hottest films on the planet, and I’m kicking myself a little.

Hedge Fund

When Reid tweeted the Andy the Talking Hedgehog poster on Friday, the internet went nuts. That was partly because the poster featured a hedgehog, two cats, Dean Cain, Tara Reid’s Twitter profile pic manipulated to look slightly more wholesome and an unattributed quote calling it “a magical good time”. But it was also because the IMDb plot summary for the film read “Tara Reid brings her Oscar award-winning prowess to this documentary about a hedgehog that Dean Cain farted on giving it the ability to talk. It’s a fun-loving family movie that will for sure make you say “WOWZA. That’s a stinky fart!”’ That summary, incidentally, was attributed to Scott Baio.

Obviously, like the rest of the world, I desperately wanted to know the story behind Andy the Talking Hedgehog. Although we can rule out the summary as nothing more than internet high jinks, it would appear that the film is real. Back in November actress Maria Wasikowski tweeted a photo from the Andy the Talking Hedgehog set, alongside Dean Cain and, one month later, Tara Reid Instagrammed a shot of her character, Fairy BFF.

The production company listed on the film’s IMDb page is Be Your Own Hollywood. Alongside Andy the Talking Hedgehog, it has 10 movies in its filmography. These include Baby Bulldog (a film about a girl who wants a puppy, starring Dean Cain and Tara Reid), A Dog for Christmas (a film about a girl who wants a puppy, starring Dean Cain and Dustin Diamond), Amanda and the Fox (a film about a girl who wants a puppy, not starring Dean Cain), two different films about horses (only one of which stars Dean Cain) and A Parent’s Worst Nightmare (a drama about child sex trafficking, starring Dean Cain).

As for Andy the Talking Hedgehog, no release date has been announced. However, its spiritual cousin might be a real film that Reisig produced last year, entitled Arlo the Burping Pig. If the trailer is any indication, Arlo the Burping Pig is about a pig that can burp so hard that peoples’ hats fall off. If Andy the Talking Hedgehog is anything like Arlo the Burping Pig, you can pretty much count me in.

IN SUMMARY

Tara Reid. Hedgehogs. You. Popcorn. Perhaps a wine cooler.