The 10 WORST GBA Games
“Cartoon Network Speedway” (2003)
Considering this was a game loaded with Cartoon Network characters, you would think a kart racer would be a shoe-in for success. Funny idea, right? Alas, “Cartoon Network Speedway” is one of the worst racing games you could play on the GBA. Now, we could forgive messy track designs that can be easily broken or exploited. But why would anyone want to play a racing game that runs so unbearably slow?? You want a good kart racer with cartoon characters? Go play “Nicktoons Racing” instead; that game had an incredibly fun GBA port.
“Kong: King of Atlantis” (2005)
Can you believe this was based on the “King Kong” animated series? And can you believe it was big enough to warrant a video game? Yeah, and it is a complete waste of your time. “Kong: King of Atlantis” has absolutely nothing interesting in store for you. Avoid tentacles, jump over water, punch rocks, wait for the camera to scroll more before you can do anymore gaming, punch more rocks, CYBERLINK WITH KONG?? And all of this hypersonic explosive action can be experienced across FOUR overly long levels! Pain. There is nothing but mental pain here.
“Medal of Honor: Underground” (2002)
For some reason, “Medal of Honor” couldn’t catch a break even before “Call of Duty” came in and wiped the floor with it. So, what hopes did it have on GBA? Practically none. “Medal of Honor: Underground” would dampen the experience on GBA by providing a more generic “Metal Gear” clone with some shooting gallery segments, and it did so with little effort. Knowing there were other notable shooters on GBA like “Doom” and “Max Payne Advance”, why bother with this utterly forgettable package?
“Dragon Ball Z: Taiketsu” (2003)
Just before we started getting the awesome “Dragon Ball” games on our handhelds (“Legacy of Goku II”, “Advanced Adventure”, “Buu’s Fury”), we got this waste of space. “Dragon Ball Z: Taiketsu” was the most horrendous way to make a “Dragon Ball” fighting game for the GBA. The AI is so stupid that you can easily spam a kamehameha over and over again until you finally win. It is so broken and unbalanced that you can easily finish an arcade run in about five minutes. And no, the unlockable characters are not enough reason to keep playing.
“Star Wars: Flight of the Falcon” (2003)
We’ve come to accept that “Star Wars” games can be hit or miss. “Flight of the Falcon”, though? Major miss. An on-rails “Star Wars” shooter could definitely work, but when under the technical limitations of the GBA, you’re asking for poor reviews. The visuals can make it hard to tell what’s just a star and what’s an enemy, and by the time you realize it, they’re gone. And would you just look at that framerate? How did anyone think this was remotely playable?
“E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial” (2001)
Top 10 Worst Video Games Based on Movies
Who had the bright idea of looking at “E.T.” for Atari and thinking “You know what? We can make a better one! We have the technology!” There is just something about “E.T.” and video games that just wreak havoc on the world, and this second attempt certainly shows. The level design makes no sense whatsoever, and the screen is loaded with so many enemies that they quickly become a nuisance. And if you think the sound is annoying to hear from today’s sound systems, imagine how abysmal it was coming from the GBA’s tiny speaker.
“Shrek Swamp Kart Speedway” (2002)
Speaking of games with horrible audio, “Shrek Swamp Kart Speedway” was another monstrosity no kid should have ever had to suffer through. We PRAY that you got anything other than this! “Shrek Swamp Kart Speedway” has some of the ugliest visuals we have ever seen on the GBA, and the way the audio constantly blares over itself throughout each race is enough to make us mute everything. Hey, at least it served as karma for your parents for buying you this over, say, “Nicktoons Racing”, “Banjo-Pilot”, “Mario Kart: Super Circuit”, or, you know, ANYTHING ELSE!
“March of the Penguins” (2006)
The Most Anticipated Games of March
You know what a documentary about penguins needs? A video game. To whatever marketing or licensing executive made this decision, hope you’re proud because you helped put out one of the worst GBA games ever made. “March of the Penguins” is a boring and clunky collection of minigames. One minute, you’re guiding them like the Lemmings. The next, you’re running through a maze. In addition to the uninspiring gameplay, “March of the Penguins” can be pretty unfair in its difficulty. Edutainment can work in the realm of video games, but this was far from a decent example. Save us Morgan Freeman!
“Spy Muppets: License to Croak” (2003)
Now, here’s some real squandered potential from a studio with some pedigree. A Muppets game where everyone is taking the role of secret agent heroes and villains? And it's made by Vicarious Visions? Sounds great until you see that all the studio could deliver was a thirty-minute package of ten mundane minigames. And you want to know the crappy part? You’re really playing three minigames three times each, once per boss. So, what exactly did you pay for? Not much, and we expected better from a studio like Vicarious Visions, which was delivering some quality games even in the early 2000’s.
All That Damn Shovelware
Top 10 Worst Final Bosses In Great Games
You know EXACTLY the type of games we’re talking about. These are the games that were made to trick parents into slacking off on birthday and Christmas shopping because “Oh, little Billy and Sally like this, so they’ll like a game about it!” And so, many of us were gifted titles like “Britney’s Dance Beat”, “Polly Pocket: Super Splash Island”, “Jimmy Neutron”, “Bionicle: Quest for Tao”, “Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends”, so much trash that we wound up leaving behind when bringing our GBAs to school. Games like these made some kids quit gaming decades ago, and there are still plenty who have not come back. To those of you who got nothing but these lazy titles, please come back: they can’t hurt you anymore.
