Top 10 Worst Things to Happen to Hayley On American Dad
#10: Being Brainwashed “Haylias”
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Hayley’s father Stan works for the CIA, and unfortunately for her, he often takes his work home with him. When Hayley was a child, Stan had her put in a secret CIA experiment called Project Daycare, where children were brainwashed into becoming sleeper agents. The abusive training is traumatic, and gives Hayley nightmares several years later. As if Stan volunteering his daughter for the experiment wasn’t bad enough, he uses the trigger phrase to activate her as a sleeper agent and force her into marrying someone against her will.
#9: Having Her Head Shaved in Her Sleep “Stan Knows Best”
In early seasons of “American Dad!,” Hayley would constantly rebel against her father, with whom she had many political disagreements. After attending a Green Party rally, she changes her hair color to a rebellion green. Not appreciating the new look, Stan goes into Hayley’s bedroom while she’s asleep and cuts off all of hair, making her completely bald. When Hayley has to attend class the next day, she’s not left with many options. This is a classic Stan Smith approach to problem solving where you take matters into your own hands by being as reckless and invasive as possible.
#8: Unwittingly Going on a Date with Her Dad “Pulling Double Booty”
This is another example of Stan’s approach to problem solving backfiring horribly. Hayley has gotten romantically involved with Bill, Stan’s CIA body double. After Bill leaves Hayley, her parents are afraid that she’ll go on a violent rampage. To prevent this, Stan decides to pose as Bill and go on a date with Hayley. Obviously, this turns out terribly, with Hayley wanting to sleep with him. When Stan is inevitably exposed, Hayley is left more humiliated and heartbroken than if Stan had just told her the truth earlier
#7: Going to Jail “Faking Bad”
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Admittedly, it was Hayley who initiated the sequence of events here, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t an awful experience. Hayley teams up with Steve to create and sell fake IDs, but Steve ends up getting in way over his head. Meanwhile, Stan has been put on the case. To keep Steve out of prison, Hayley takes the fall for him, feeling responsible. She hopes that since she’s Stan’s daughter she’ll be let off easily. But she’s barking up the wrong tree and is sent to the slammer. Normally, going to jail would be the worst thing to happen to someone, but Hayley has had such a crappy life that she’s experienced worse.
#6: Almost Freezing to Death “The Most Adequate Christmas Ever”
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The Smith family’s Christmas celebration is disrupted when Stan decides that he’s unhappy with the tree they have. So he takes them out to a forest in the freezing cold to get a new one. While Stan foolishly continues to brave the subzero temperatures, Hayley and the rest of the family seek refuge in the car. Unfortunately for them, Stan has the keys with him so they can’t turn on the heater. When Stan has a near death experience, it almost leads to them freezing to death on what should have been the happiest time of the year.
#5: Puberty “1600 Candles”
Project Daycare aside, Hayley seems to have had a fairly happy childhood, largely getting along with her father. But then puberty came, and Hayley did not get along with the changes that came with it ... Her temper tantrums sent Stan and Francine into the corner cowering on more than one occasion. When Roger made the dumb mistake of making fun of her pimple, she threw him out the window and set the house on fire. Adolescence was rough for all of us, but most of us didn’t take it nearly as hard as Hayley.
#4: Almost Dying of Kidney Failure “The Kidney Stays in the Picture”
After a hard night of drinking at a restaurant with Francine and her crazy friend, Hayley’s kidneys shut down and she winds up in hospital. This leads to Stan discovering that he might not be Hayley’s father, as Francine slept with someone else around the same time that Hayley was conceived. Despite this shocking revelation, Stan decides to donate a kidney. This one of the few times on this list that Stan wasn’t directly responsible for whatever horrible thing that happened to Hayley; in fact he actually made a positive difference.
#3: Being Shot & Abducted by Roger “Love, AD Style”
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Roger is an amoral, sociopathic alien who will ruin someone’s life over a petty slight - or just on a whim. So when he discovers Hayley’s singing talent and develops a crush on her, bad things are naturally in store for her. Roger eventually works up the courage to express his true feelings, but when Hayley rejects him, he … doesn’t take it well. By which we mean, he goes completely crazy. He shoots her in the chest, sending her to the hospital. Then later, he ties her up and announces his intention to wear her skin.
#2: Being Disfigured by Her Dad “The Mural of the Story”
We go back to another problem caused by Stan. Always one to volunteer for civic duty even when it’s unnecessary, Stan takes it upon himself to restore a town mural that was defaced by graffiti. When he fails to restore it properly, he lets Hayley take the blame, which earns her the wrath of the town. Rather than owning up publicly to his own failure, he decides to make Hayley unrecognizable through amatuer face surgery. Obviously, Stan lacks the skills necessary to pull off a good job, leading to a horrible disfigurement of Hayley’s face. Before we unveil our top pick, here are a few honorable mentions. Being Kissed by Steve, “Stannie Get Your Gun” Living with the Middle Name “Dreamsmasher”, “Stanny Slickers II” Getting Bitten by a Shark, “Hurricane!”
#1: Losing Jeff “Naked to the Limit, One More Time”
During the show’s run, we’ve watched Jeff Fischer go from being Hayley’s on-again off-again boyfriend to becoming her husband. Hayley’s gone from taking him for granted to accepting him for who he is. However, in season nine, Jeff discovers that the Smiths are living with Roger, so one of them has to go. Through some conniving, Roger pushes Jeff into a spaceship that was meant to pick him up, so Roger ends up getting to stay at Jeff’s expense. Hayley takes this loss hard, never really getting over Jeff the whole time he’s in space.
