Top 10 Worst Actors of the 90s
#10: Carrot Top
A movie with a poster featuring prop comic Carrot Top surfing through an office can’t be that bad, can it? Yes. Yes, it can. Carrot Top stars as an inventor named Edison (get it? ha…) whose inventions end up landing him a position at a large “invention” corporation. Oh, and he’s also a surfer. Get it? Chairman of the board? All of this is clearly comedy gold. However, the point is no one asked for Carrot Top to embark on a short-lived acting career, nor did anyone ask for “Chairman of the Board.” Also, is it in any way believable that Top would romantically score Courtney Thorne-Smith? No. No, it is not.
#9: Tom Arnold
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One actor who just never really goes away is Tom Arnold. He began as a writer on the original “Roseanne” sitcom, then wrote himself into the show and unfortunately never looked back. We wish he had. Despite his lack of acting chops, Arnold’s filmography is extensive, with around 20 movie credits to his name in the 90s alone. The most recognizable is 1994’s “True Lies,” although it’s tough to really gauge his talents alongside “classically trained thespian” Arnold Schwarzenegger. Tom Arnold “graced” the big screen with his presence in such classics as 1996’s “The Stupids” and 1998’s “National Lampoon’s Golf Punks,” which we all remember fondly, right? Please hold your applause.
#8: Elizabeth Berkley
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The role of Jessie Spano in “Saved by the Bell” is what Elizabeth Berkley is best known for, yet we can all agree that that show did not require superior acting talents. Jessie’s caffeine pill breakdown wasn’t exactly the Emmy clip they might’ve envisioned! However, Berkley finds herself on our list due to the box office disaster that was “Showgirls.” She played the lead role of Nomi Malone, and showed us parts that Jessie wouldn’t dream of exposing. The film was harshly panned, as was Berkley’s performance. Her subsequent career resulted in guest appearances and minor roles, as well as a Hallmark Channel movie called “Lucky Christmas,” the latter channel we could call a sort of graveyard for former sitcom actors.
#7: Madonna
From her first 1983 album release to present day, it feels like Madonna has just always been around. We’re not denying her musical talents, nor are we overlooking the commercial successes of “A League of Their Own” and “Evita.” We are, however, saying that acting is perhaps just not her thing. She appeared in several films in the 90s, and though some were decent entertainment, none really gained Madonna critical acclaim for her acting. It’s no wonder she retired from acting after 2002. The Guardian refers to her Razzie-winning performance in “Body of Evidence” as “flat as a cycling holiday in the low countries.” Madonna’s 90s roles were more reliant on her reputation as a sex symbol than on any actual acting talent.
#6: Quentin Tarantino
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Some people should just stay behind the camera. Quentin Tarantino is a great director and screenwriter best known for his stylized violent sequences. He’s been acting for longer than directing if you can believe that. Did you know he had a small role on “The Golden Girls” in 1988? Let’s focus on the 90s, however. Directing himself in “Reservoir Dogs” and “Pulp Fiction,” Tarantino repeatedly found himself in the presence of superior actors who can make his over-the-top dialogue sound natural. Coming out of Tarantino’s mouth, though, it sounds like an actor reading from a script. Tarantino’s forced acting almost has a grindhouse feel to it, which might’ve been the point the more we think about it. Bad acting is still bad acting, however.
#5: Jean-Claude Van Damme
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If we say “Academy Award,” which face comes to mind? Is it Jean-Claude Van Damme? No. Van Damme is from the select group of quote-unquote “actors” who rely entirely on their other talents, in this case, martial arts. He is a master of mainly Shōtōkan karate and kickboxing, among other accolades. He appeared in almost 20 films throughout the 1990s, most of which feature him making the exact same threatening face on their posters. All of them rely on showcasing fight scenes without wasting time on pesky dramatic acting. It’s really all fight-fight, wooden acting, fight-fight. That awesome dance scene is from the 80s, by the way, so there are arguably no redeeming qualities to his 90s work.
#4: Pauly Shore
Another name synonymous with “Razzie Award” is Pauly Shore, whose acting career is/was definitely a glitch in the Matrix. His onscreen debut was as an MTV VJ, which is arguably the most fitting position for Mr. Shore. Though he had previously done some bit parts on a few productions, his first somewhat successful feature film was 1994’s “Encino Man.” The thing is, early on in his show biz career, Shore had created a character for his standup routines called “The Weasel,” basically a surfer dude with a likely penchant for herbal remedies. He never let this go, playing the same character in a number of 1990s failed productions, such as “Bio-Dome,” “Son in Law,” and “Jury Duty.” Don’t watch them, save your brain, Buuuuddy.
#3: Shaquille O’Neal
Remember that movie with Sinbad as a genie called “Shazam” in the 90s? Well, it didn’t exist. But “Kazaam” starring Shaquille O’Neal did exist, unfortunately. This was because in the 90s, some athletes became so popular that we thought they could star in movies and it would be great. It was not. There’s a reason Shaq’s filmography boasts many “Himself” entries in the cast lineup. The entire narrative can be summed up as such. Kazaam the genie emerges from a boombox (yes, a boombox) and helps little Max with his daddy issues. Shaq is exactly how you would expect him to be as a genie. He’s Shaq. Oh, and he raps. It’s also bad. Almost as bad as his foray into superheroes, “Steel.”
#2: Sofia Coppola
Here’s an example of nepotism at work. Sofia Coppola has definitely made a name for herself as a writer, director, and producer of major motion pictures. Her start in the business, however, was thanks to her parents Eleanor and Francis Ford Coppola. Sophia first appeared on screen in 1972’s “The Godfather” as an infant, which she played perfectly. After a handful of smaller roles, her father cast her as Mary Corleone in 1990’s “The Godfather Part III.” Critics focused heavily on her lackluster performance, with at least one calling her presence a “near-fatal flaw.” The role was originally set to go to Winona Ryder, but she dropped out at the last minute, prompting the emergency casting.
#1: Steven Seagal
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Steven Seagal is… an interesting character. His actual history is difficult to track down, as he is reportedly a liar (for example, claiming he trained under aikido founder Morihei Ueshiba when Uesheba died years before Seagal moved to Japan.) But one thing is for sure - he’s not a trained actor. Seagal did star in some commercial successes, such as 1992’s “Under Siege.” Despite being considered an up-and-coming action star at the time, Seagal’s career was primarily “direct-to-video” from 1998 on. That, kids, is when movies don’t even play in movie theaters. He guest-hosted “SNL” in 1991, and has been called the worst host in the history of the show. His wooden performances, subpar fighting skills, and difficult personality are notorious. His acting not so much.