Top 10 Unhinged Childrens TV Shows

#10: “Grizzly Tales for Gruesome Kids” (2000-06)

Sometimes, children need to be frightened into following the rules their parents give them, and that’s where “Grizzly Tales for Gruesome Kids” comes in. Its nightmarish stories always punished those who broke rules or misbehaved, delivering karmic justice to children who committed crimes ranging from mistreating their siblings to refusing to eat their tea. In one particularly chilling episode, two children lie about being physically harmed by their nanny, leading to her replacement with a greedy snake, a horrifying spider, and an alligator who eats them alive. They learnt their lesson, and so did an entire generation of terrified children watching at home.

#9: “Scary Sleepover” (2004-05)

Two teams of three children each are tasked with spending the night in a haunted house, winning prizes if they last the night and losing if they run away screaming. It was a bit like “Most Haunted” with children, except that they were on a television set outfitted with tricks and traps, all made to look like a creepy, decaying mansion while they were filmed on hidden cameras. They weren’t REALLY staying overnight in a house, of course, it was just a game show, but it’s hard not to be afraid when you’re ten years old and things are jumping out at you. We can imagine that today’s generation of helicopter parents would be horrified at inflicting such terrors on their children.

#8: “Hider in the House” (2007-08)

You couldn’t make “Hider in the House” today, because it’s bloody creepy! A celebrity, usually someone only famous to children watching at the time, would have to stay in the kids’ house for two days – leaving to sleep somewhere else – remaining unseen from the one parent who wasn’t in on the joke. As if that wasn’t weird enough, they also had to carry out challenges ranging from messy to vomit-inducing, including the infamous “Suck the Sock” forfeit – which was exactly what it sounded like. They made their victims look even more foolish by filming a fake programme so that mums and dads wouldn’t be too suspicious of all the cameras.

#7: “Trapped!” (2007-10)

While “Grizzly Tales” was often trying to teach children why they SHOULDN’T lie, “Trapped!” was doing the exact opposite. Groups of children are sent to a mysterious tower and made to carry out tasks, except that one of them is, secretly, “the Saboteur”, trying to ensure they fail the challenge. They also have to try not to make their sabotage too obvious, because if they’re voted as the saboteur, they’ll be stranded forever in the tower. Essentially, it’s “The Traitors” for children, as they’re tasked with lying and cheating their way to victory. We wonder if the contestants on “Trapped!” ever trusted each other again after this.

#6: “Escape from Scorpion Island” (2007-11)

We just saw “The Traitors” for children, but what about “I’m a Celebrity” for children? A large group of kids were sent to a remote, tropical island and given arduous tasks to complete. It’s like “Jungle Run” times ten, since they weren’t on a studio set, they really were in a hot, tropical location – although, it wasn’t always REALLY an island. While we’re sure that the kids who went on this still view their island excursion fondly, since it really is a once in a lifetime experience, we still can’t imagine what the pitch was like where it was suggested “Survivor” style antics, with children, would be a winner for CBBC.

#5: “Prank Patrol” (2006-10)

This show was actually based on a Canadian original, so maybe we have them to thank for how bizarre it was. With its elaborate pranks, some of these episodes are just as absurd as the ones in “Beadle’s About”, except that its child victims are significantly more gullible, all set up after a child is publicly kidnapped by Barney Harwood. Then again, there are a great many adults who’d also wet themselves if they saw a giant spider lurching towards them. Are any of the “Prank Patrol” victims scarred for life? Do they live in fear of spiders, haunted houses, or ruining the shop of a small business owner? Let us know if you’re one of them.

#4: “Stupid!” (2004-07)

This surreal sketch show primarily featured children in its main cast, along with a handful of comedy actors kids wouldn’t really have been familiar with. Using his big, computer generated computer, the King of Stupid inflicts stupidity on Britons at a moment’s notice, generally causing them to ruin their own life. The most memorable and deranged sketch is, of course, Devil Finger, which led to no end of suffering for parents and teachers alike during the time this programme was on the air. Children up and down the country pretended to be possessed by a demonic entity just so that they could prod their friends to the brink of sanity, all thanks to this.

#3: “Tiswas” (1974-82)

The original, anarchic Saturday morning programme, you won’t find a Gen Xer today who doesn’t think “Tiswas” was the height of children’s entertainment. And perhaps they’re right, since it ruled television for eight years. It was pure chaos, bringing kids the joys of custard pies and gunge tanks – still staples of British children’s programming today. Everybody in the 70s and 80s wanted to go on “Tiswas” and get got by the Phantom Flan Flinger. It wasn’t just for kids, though; featuring jokes parodying gardening shows and even one gag about the Flan Flingers going on strike, it was fun for all the family, going out live every weekend.

#2: “Horrible Histories” (2009-14)

For our money, this is the greatest children’s sketch show of all time, managing to educate children about history while also ALWAYS being entertaining. But you can’t deny that there isn’t something bonkers about selling children satirical ringtones of the programme’s many, iconic songs. But it wasn’t just the weekly song kids loved: it was all the gore and violence. There was blood, bodily fluids, and severed body parts galore, with sketches lifting the lid on some of the revolting food crusaders were forced to eat to avoid famine; how the Black Death was spread; and what hospitals were like before Florence Nightingale reformed them.

#1: “Dick and Dom in da Bungalow” (2002-06)

Twenty years after “Tiswas” went off screens, it got a spiritual successor over on CBBC, with “Dick and Dom in da Bungalow”. It was so controversial that it triggered a moral panic in the parents of the day, sick to death of their unruly children shouting “bogies!” in public. Kids, known as “Bungalow Heads”, would compete to win prizes in various challenges, ranging from tame to revolting, with every episode ending in an all-out brawl fuelled by the show’s own iteration of custard pies, “creamy muck muck”. Even MPs got involved, saying the BBC had sunk to new lows by broadcasting filth and toilet humour every weekend. Kids loved it, though.

Were you team “Tiswas” or team “Swap Shop”? Let us know in the comments!