Top 10 Dumbest Alex Jones Predictions That Didn't Happen
Ever hear the one about the Satanic pizzeria, gay-bomb juice-boxes, and Justin Bieber? From martial law, to financial collapse, to Y2K, these predictions missed the mark in a big way. WatchMojo counts down the Top 10 Dumbest Alex Jones Predictions That Didn't Happen.
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Top 10 Dumbest Alex Jones Predictions That Didn't Happen
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Ever hear the one about the Satanic pizzeria, gay-bomb juice-boxes, and Justin Bieber? Welcome to Watchmojo.com, and today we're counting down our picks for the top 10 dumbest Alex Jones predictions that didn’t happen. The US shock jock has built a media empire pumping out doomsday predictions and conspiracy theories. For this list, we’re looking at predictions with a specified timeframe that never happened. So Jones’ open-ended warning about alien Satan, for example, doesn’t make the cut.
#10: Martial Law
Sometimes it sucks to be right. But it also sucks to be wrong over and over again. Jones frequently claims the US government is about to enforce martial law. The army was “preparing for it” back in 2009, as part of staged terror attacks. And in 2015 FEMA was “set to takeover” Texas. But the agents of totalitarian rule won’t be who you think. According to Jones and his site “PrisonPlanet” in 2009, teenagers will be the American Gestapo, ready within “two-three years” to “do seek and destroys”. Shockingly, this still hasn’t happened. Damn lazy teenagers!
#9: Financial Collapse
How better to cash in on catastrophe than with forecasts of worse to come? On the heels of the 2008 financial crisis, a panicked Jones projected that the American dollar would devalue by 90% in two years. In 2010 this became a devaluation of 50% within two years. To top it off, 15 European nations would collapse by June 2012. The “global meltdown” was also supposed to begin in 2015. All thanks to powerful elites that, in hindsight, are apparently pretty incompetent. Jones has since predicted the EU will be “completely dissolved” by 2022. So mark his words!
#8: World War III
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Who knows, maybe the end is nigh. But for Alex Jones, it’s nigh all the time. While another world war is neither laughable, nor impossible, the devil is in the details - like why and when. For Jones, the “why” is a Satanic cabal behind major world events. It includes the actual “demon(s)” Obama and Hillary, who “smell like sulfur”. As for the when . . . In 2006 Jones asserted a “90% chance” of “bone-shattering mega attacks” within two months that would trigger global war. In 2009, the war would probably happen “in the next few years”. Then in 2011, it was already happening. And in 2016, it had finally begun . . . again . . . but in our minds.
#7: The Deep State Will Murder Trump
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Sometimes, even Avalanche Alex is lost for words. In December 2017, Jones uncovered a nefarious plot to kill the President. His source? His good ol’-fashioned salt-o’-the-earth gut. It isn’t clear who the plotters are in a spittle-flecked rant that rails against the Justice Department, FBI, and the Clintons. But in a follow-up, he specified “globalist operatives within the secret service”. Trump and Jones are mutual admirers, and the prospect that Jones has just made up plunges him into paroxysms of defiant passion. But he also gives his prediction a backdoor: globalists will either “give up” or “activate their cells”. Sooo they'll either try to murder the President, or, like, not.
#6: Y2K
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Of course Jones cut his conspiracy-chewin’ teeth on Y2K. In hindsight, the hysteria around Y2K is difficult to credit. But at the time, people worried that the rollover of dates into the 2000s would glitch some computer systems. Then there were the prophets of digital apocalypse who foresaw worldwide chaos. On New Year’s Eve 1999, a young Jones milked this paranoia for all it was worth, describing cash machines and power plants failing, currencies plunging, “more wars than in the past 50 years”, gas stations out of water and fuel, government about to takeover radio and TV, military everywhere, and Russia threatening to nuke America. Turns out January 1st 2000 was just another day. #5: "Machete" Will Start a Race War
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In 2010, as Arizona introduced controversial laws against undocumented immigrants, director Robert Rodriguez released a special trailer for his Mexploitation movie “Machete”. It was tongue-in-cheek, but also politically pointed . . . and ripe for the purposes of a professional provocateur who, essentially, sells fear. According to Jones, there was a “90% chance” the movie would trigger “racial riots and racial killings” upon release on September 3rd. And it never happened. Better luck with the mass violence next time, Alex!
#4: A Staged Assassination Attempt Against Obama
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The New World Order are busy folk. They’re using juice boxes to turn children gay and lacing President Trump’s Diet Coke with sedatives. Oh, and they killed Prince. It’s all part of a master plan for world domination, and in 2009 this meant a fake assassination attempt on Obama. Jones repeated his claim in 2010. The globalists would blame it on Islamists, and a Tea Party 9/11 Truther. Two birds, one stone. The plot would boost Obama’s approval ratings, allowing him to confiscate guns and go to war with Iran. Yeah, not so much. Whoopsie!
#3: A False Flag Attack
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It’s the 9/11-truther’s favourite topic. The staged terror attacks are coming . . . aaanytime now . . . In August 2006, Jones predicted “mega attacks” within two months. In January 2009 he could feel it coming “in my bones”, and by February there was “no doubt” of an “inaugural bombing” within six to seven months. It would be a “biological event” preceding a worse attack that would wipe out half the US population. And it was “soon”, so soon, before year’s end. In fact in June he “wouldn’t be surprised” if it happened in two to three months. Fast-forward to March 2010, and it would occur on April 15, or 19, to coincide with anti-Tea Party documentaries . . . Soon. So. So. Soon!
#2: The Media Will Announce Extraterrestrial Life
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“There’s a war on for your mind” . . . in space! In 2009, Jones came out and declare that the media was getting ready to announce extraterrestrial life. And hey, to be fair, who knows what might happen sometime in the future with space exploration. The absurdity isn’t so much the possibility of some form of life elsewhere in the universe, it's that Jones claims to have an in on the intel, as if he’s part of freakin' NASA. That’s one thing you can say about Jones putting himself out there. Sure, he might be wrong again and again. And again. But he sure does make predictions!
#1: A Second Civil War
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Alex Jones revels in controversy, to say the least. He’s the one that said that the Sandy Hook massacre was fake and that Michelle Obama is a man. But his incendiary headlines got more laughs than outrage when he predicted a second civil war on July 4th 2018. Liberals apparently didn’t get the memo. Jones fired back that the date was just a “demarcation line”, and that it was really a “soft civil war”. Which is funny, because here is him training for it a few months earlier. And warning it will be “bloody” the year before. But hey, maybe it was “bloody” in our minds? Or maybe the “demarcation line” is really wide? For now though . . . this one is just more clickbait.
