Top 10 Times Salem Was a Savage on Sabrina the Teenage Witch
#10: When He Made Egg-streme Demands “Sabrina Gets Her License (Part 1)”
In this season two opener, Sabrina’s aunts worry about whether she’ll study enough for her Witch’s License. They ominously hint at potential consequences should she fail, attracting our intrigue. One person, however, who couldn’t care less about these mysterious repercussions is Mr. Salem Saberhagen. In his defense, Sabrina did conjure up a delicious-looking breakfast while completely ignoring his request before heading to school. Even so, this fiery feline chooses not to read the room, instead redirecting the conversation back to himself and his stomach. After all, if Sabrina doesn’t study, that’s her problem, right? But without opposable thumbs or magic, how else can Salem get his omelet?!
#9: When He Put the Fear in Furniture “A River of Candy Corn Runs Through It”
The Spellmans’ are super excited when their new Other Realm furniture arrives. Except the pieces wind up being a tad chattier than you might anticipate. But by the time they realize what’s going on, Sabrina’s aunts have already agreed to let her throw a Halloween party. That’s some seriously terrible timing! To make matters even more complicated, they’re forced to trap magical termites in the basement, which means there’s nowhere to hide the furniture. As you can imagine, this opens the door for plenty of potential chaos up ahead. So, with the party about to begin, Salem sticks his paws in and tries to be helpful. Only apparently, that means striking fear into the furniture and threatening to expose their stuffing!
#8: When He Tried to Show Sympathy “It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad Season Opener”
The Spellman sisters and Mr. Kraft provided one of the weirdest love triangles on ‘90s/early ‘00s teen shows. In the season three premiere, Zelda admits that she’s attracted to her sister’s former love interest, Willard Kraft. Hilda hides her true feelings and plays along, all under the watchful eye of their callous cat. Salem barely gives Zelda a moment to leave the room before laying Hilda’s cards out on the table for her. Her angry glare is enough to make him eat his words and desperately try to retract his claws, but it’s too late. Well, you know what they say, don’t bite the hand that feeds you.
#7: When He Shaded All Dog-Kind “Dummy for Love”
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As we just mentioned, Hilda and Willard Kraft had a bit of a thing, but it wasn’t love at first sight – at least, not for her. This season 2 episode sees Sabrina conjure up a plan to get them together in a bid to avoid detention. Naturally, she gets some help from Salem. He helps the teen brainstorm ideas and is even willing to provide some necessary assistance in the resulting magical scheme. The dog vs. cat trope is well played-out across all mediums, but Salem manages to breathe new life into it with this vicious canine takedown. This level of shade would leave any dog dragging its tail between its legs.
#6: When He Reveled in Someone Else’s Misery “A River of Candy Corn Runs Through It”
Remember that talking furniture we discussed earlier? While Hilda and Zelda are off trying to deal with the misunderstanding, Sabrina and Salem get to know the newest residents of the Spellman home. Sabrina struggles to warm up to their latest additions, but Salem finds the silver-lined stitching in the situation. As we know, the sassy pet was sentenced to a century of cat-life after a failed world-domination plot. Needless to say, playing with yarn and chowing down on tuna just don’t provide the same fulfillment or excitement as plotting a global takeover. So when he meets a sofa with a cat allergy, he’s fe-line pretty good about himself.
#5: When He Delivered This Backhanded Burn “It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad Season Opener”
Like many of us, Salem takes to the internet to pass the time when he’s bored. A game of virtual chess soon turns hostile thanks to his poor sportsmanship. It’s not long before his opponent tracks him down with some unfavorable words of his own. Luckily for Salem, it’s Hilda to the rescue. But even though she just saved his fur, he still can’t resist taking a shot at her. Although, by Salem’s standards, this could be considered a compliment. Perhaps next time, Hilda should think twice before defending this cat’s behind.
#4: When He Didn’t Sugarcoat the Truth “The Competition”
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In a reverse Dorian Gray-style situation, Sabrina’s ugly attitude manifests itself on her face after a potion goes awry. Unfortunately for her, Salem Saberhagen is on hand to not only point it out, but to rub salt in the wound as well. You might think that telling someone they look like a “trainwreck” is harsh enough, but Salem’s only just getting started. By the time he’s done, the message has been well and truly hammered home. He’s arguably the voice of reason in this scene. Yet even in his most sage moments, this catty kitty can’t help but throw all the shade.
#3: When Sharing Wasn’t Always Caring “A Halloween Story”
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Confined to the kitty table, Salem’s company for this evening is a Witch Familiar like himself, called M’Lady. Throughout the event, she gorges herself with catnip. If you know anything about cats, you’ll understand what that means. In her inebriated state, she tries to engage Salem in a heart-to-heart. Yet Salem is…less than interested. Considering her vulnerable state, his remarks seem especially ruthless, but we’d be lying if we said that we didn’t laugh just a little bit. If M’Lady was looking for a paw to cry on, she definitely chose the wrong cat.
#2: When He Admitted Ruining Lives Was Part of His Daily Routine “Welcome Back, Duke”
Salem reunites with an old pal named Duke, played by the legendary Dick Van Dyke. Duke’s finished serving time as a cat, and now plans to go on the straight and narrow. Unfortunately, he’s out of practice so his magic’s not what it used to be. As you can imagine, things go wayward – despite his best intentions. While Duke feels terrible about the mess he causes, Salem offers an alternative point of view. It seems that the Spellman cat has been spending his time as a feline felon quite differently than his buddy did. It certainly gives us some insight into Salem’s pre-cat life, too. If he can unleash this much chaos now, just imagine what he could do outside his furry confines! Before we unveil our top pick, here are a few honorable mentions. When He Dissed English Majors, “First Kiss” That Hurt More Than the Paper Cuts They Get When His Ambition Got the Better of Him, “The Great Mistake” He Was So Close to Acing That Interview When He Had No Time for Cupid, “Dummy for Love” Someone’s Being a Bit of a Sourpuss When He Schooled Us All in Spanish, “The Band Show” Don’t Say You Never Learned Anything From Mr. Saberhagen When He Told It as It Is, “Sabrina’s Date with Destiny” All That Matters to Salem Is That All Eyes Are on Him
#1: When He Reinforced Cat Norms “Jenny's Non-Dream”
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With a mortal spending the night, the Spellmans try their hardest to act normal, which is easier said than done for them. When Sabrina hears a crash, she goes to investigate, but asks Salem to ensure that Jenny doesn’t follow her. Of course, he could just be helpful and guard the door, or he could say this. Any pet owner knows this to be accurate; dogs will undoubtedly stand and protect while cats, well, they’re doing you a favor just by existing. Even so, it’s hilariously savage, especially during Sabrina’s time of need. Let’s just say that the Spellman house would be a lot less dynamic without Salem.
