Top 10 Times Randy Marsh Got What He Deserved
#10: Getting Cancer on Purpose
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Some people go through life striving to make health-conscious choices. Others can’t help but indulge in habits that they might regret down the line. Either way, nobody sets out to get a disease like cancer… unless you’re Randy. To partake in the joys of medicinal marijuana, Randy does the only rational thing: gives himself cancer. We wouldn’t say anybody deserves to get cancer, but if you purposely go out of your way to achieve such a diagnosis, well, ya brought this upon yourself. Randy inspires his friends to do the same with the situation snowballing like a… Hippity Hop. South Park ultimately bans pot again, which is an appropriate outcome given Randy’s irresponsible actions. At least Randy’s cancer is among the easier ones to treat.
#9: Inspiring a Rival Weed Farm
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To bring more “street cred” to Tegridy Farms, Randy attempts to befriend Token’s (oh sorry, Tolkien’s) family. Of course, Randy isn’t interested in being friends with the Blacks. He wants others to see him being friends with the Blacks. And if he can get Tolkien’s father to go into business with him, all the better. It doesn’t take long for Steve to realize what Randy is doing. Not only does Steve walk away from his deal with Randy. He also starts a competing farm right across the street: Credigree Weed. Randy is naturally enraged, but considering how he exploited the Black’s skin color for personal gain, it’s only fitting that Steve shows him that two can play this game. What happened to your tegridy, Randy?
#8: Being Outcast For Saying… It On TV
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15 years before going to war with the Black family, Randy outraged the entire Black community. To Randy’s credit, we didn’t think the word was “naggers” either, but he should’ve known “Wheel of Fortune” wouldn’t include that other word on the show. Still, we’d give Randy the benefit of the doubt if he sincerely apologized to the Black audiences that he offended. Instead, he just apologizes to Jesse Jackson. And as Tolkien tells Stan, “Jesse Jackson is not the emperor of Black people!” Randy clearly cares more about how he’s perceived rather than how that word made others feel. So, there is a certain satisfaction in seeing the world ridicule him, even if it doesn’t last. Randy goes to Washington where a mostly white Senate sympathizes with his grievances, revealing a double standard.
#7: Fired For Punching His Boss
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People often have unrealistic expectations for elected officials. If your candidate loses, you blame them for all of your problems. If your candidate wins, you assume that everything is gonna be perfect from now on. A wasted Randy takes this to the extreme when Barack Obama is elected as the next president. Now that “change” is coming, Randy figures that he doesn’t need a job. Randy tells off his boss (who seems like a pleasant fellow), capping off his drunken tirade with a punch to the face. As a new day begins, Randy finds himself without a job or pants. Randy gets what he had coming to him, but rather than take responsibility for his actions, he pins the blame on Obama.
#6: Arrested For Sparking Little League Fights
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Randy never misses Stan’s Little League games, albeit not for the right reasons. Instead of cheering on his son, Randy would rather pick fights with other dads. As far as Randy is concerned, he always comes out on top. In reality, Randy continually hits rock bottom. Each match ends with a practically naked Randy arguing that he has rights as the cops escort him to jail. Although Randy wants to believe that he’s a champion, every brawl leaves him looking like a loser. All the while, his police record balloons and hundreds of dollars are squandered on bail money. Randy sees this as a small price to pay, but that’s only because his priorities have been knocked out with his brain cells.
#5: Getting a DUI
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Driving under the influence is already bad enough. Getting behind the wheel with your young son and his friends in the car is another level of carelessness. Randy lives by the old saying, “One for the road,” or several for the road in his case. Picking up the boys, Randy learns the hard way that this phrase is beyond outdated. Between urinating in a bottle and telling Stan to take the wheel, Randy soon finds a police officer knocking on his window. It isn’t long until Randy is in the back of a cop car on his way to the station. The humiliation doesn’t end there. Randy is forced to speak at Stan’s school. Honestly, we feel worse for Stan than we do for Randy.
#4: Every Time Sharon Leaves Him
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Randy and Sharon have divorced twice throughout the series. Given everything that Randy puts Sharon through, it’s amazing that she doesn’t dump him on a weekly basis. Randy repeatedly humiliates and belittles his wife, ignoring her needs as well as the needs of his whole family. In Season 2, their nonstop bickering results in divorce numero uno. They reunite faster than they broke up, although the two separate again in Season 15 when a petty argument over music unearths their deep-seated unhappiness. These instances may not find Randy at his worst, but looking over their entire relationship history, Sharon has every reason to leave him. Considering what Randy has done lately, we’re surprised that divorce #3 hasn’t happened yet.
#3: His Blockbuster Downfall
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Unless you live in Bend, Oregon, buying a Blockbuster video store isn’t the most lucrative business venture. Randy didn’t get the memo that streaming is the future (and present) when he bought a Blockbuster for $10,000. Of course, he didn’t consult his family about this expenditure. Randy nonetheless makes them work at the store on Halloween. He won’t even let poor Stan go trick-or-treating in person, despite having no customers in sight. The store only attracts ghosts as Randy’s sanity goes the same way as Jack Torrance’s. Like Jack in the Stanley Kubrick movie, Randy is left frozen outside, although he survives and is able to get a portion of his investment back. It’s a good thing there wasn’t a boiler room in that Blockbuster.
#2: Getting the Earth Isolated
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Randy’s worst deeds are usually propelled by the most asinine motivations. He commits theft and fraud to ensure Stan’s victory at a pinewood derby, driving a rival father to take his own life. The body count doesn’t end there. Randy teaches Stan that cheating, lying, and bloodshed are all acceptable as long as it spares you from humiliation. He soon wraps the whole world up in his lies, bringing out the universal Achilles’ heel of greed. Finland is the only country willing to do the honest thing. Randy thus convinces other world leaders to execute a nuclear attack. Turns out that the Federation of Planets has been observing all of this, culminating in Earth and the Moon being isolated. The blame is rooted in Randy.
#1: Arrested for Blowing Up Rival Farms
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Tegridy Farms brings out the absolute worst in Randy. Despite his family’s protests, he moves them to a weed farm where his reckless behavior goes into overdrive. His family aren’t the only ones who suffer. To prevent home-growers from hurting his business, Randy resorts to domestic terrorism. Randy didn’t count on the Tweaks setting up a security camera, however. This is just one of the many crimes that Randy has committed while running Tegridy Farms, including endangering the public’s health, needlessly slaughtering cows, and assassinating Winnie-the-Pooh. Randy is finally put behind bars, giving him time to reflect on his actions. Mexican Joker may score him a Get Out of Jail Free card, but at least Randy regains some of his tegridy. Do you think Randy got an appropriate dose of “authority” for his actions? Let us know in the comments!
