Top 10 Modern Storylines We Wish Seinfeld Could Tackle
#10: Social Media
Jerry and George contemplate whether or not liking someone’s story is inherently sexual– in Kramer’s view: “ohhh, it’s sexual.” George must do damage control when he realizes his incessant story likes have been giving his annoying coworker the wrong idea. Elaine signs Puddy up for Instagram, and instantly regrets it when she gets a hold of his DMs. She decides to make a catfish account to trick Puddy into incriminating himself, but accidentally gets herself catfished by Newman. Kramer has a legacy blue checkmark, making the others feel uneasy about his mysterious notoriety. He’s in the upper echelon of virtual society! Turns out, Bob Sacamano runs a Russian web brigade, and has been pumping Kramer’s profile with bots for years. He tries to get the same treatment for the rest of the gang, resulting in lifetime bans on all of their accounts.
#9: Climate Change
Elaine confronts a plastic straw drinking, MAGA hat wearing Karen at Monks for her environmentally unconscious behavior, before she takes off in a gas-guzzling SUV. George can’t help but be taken by her devil-may-care attitude, and secretly begins to date her. Kramer tries to offset his carbon emissions by creating his own independent bicycle-only delivery service– KrameCart– but inadvertently becomes the singular middle man between an unregulated sweatshop and consumers. Jerry performs at a Greenpeace benefit, but gets boo-ed off the stage for bringing a water bottle up with him. Elaine and George attend, but George gets caught in his double life when he spots Karen– who’s been protesting outside.
#9: OnlyFans
Jerry’s new girlfriend seems unusually well-off financially but refuses to share what she does for a living. Kramer immediately cracks the case upon meeting her– she’s an OnlyFans model. Jerry is dumbfounded, as he’s yet to see her naked himself. Jerry confronts his girlfriend, and she makes him swear he’ll never look at her account– likening it to Pandora’s Box. George cannot resist the urge to subscribe and find out what all the fuss is about, but promises to keep whatever he sees “in the vault.” He struggles to keep his findings a secret, but cracks under pressure from Elaine, who now also has seen what lies behind the paywall. All of the secrecy and gossip makes Jerry throw his promise out the window, to discover his girlfriend has posted content featuring a super fan special guest– Kramer.
#7: Cancel Culture & Political Correctness
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Jerry tells an innocent joke about an unfortunate sexual encounter, and gets canceled on Twitter– only to realize that Bania has been leading the charge against him. George starts reposting his new girlfriend's infographics without reading them, gets in too deep and accidentally agrees to organize a rally with no idea what cause he's supporting. Elaine gets accused of virtue signaling after posting a black square on her Instagram, and tries to prove that she’s anti-racist by befriending her Black coworker– who she quickly realizes is racist.
#6: Gaming & Live Streaming
When Newman gifts Kramer with an Xbox that “fell off the truck,” he amasses a major following on Twitch by offering V-bucks and Robux to his young followers– not realizing that those aren’t fictional currencies. George realizes he’s a natural pro at the game Among Us, as he’s constantly pretending to do tasks in his everyday life. Jerry’s new girlfriend’s annoying quirk is that she’s always going live on Facebook. While he hates it at first, he begins to get offended that none of the dates he takes her on are “stream-worthy” – to which Elaine attempts to help him step it up. None of their efforts prevail, until he takes her back to his apartment to find Kramer being mobbed down by angry children, demanding their money.
#5: Online Dating
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George’s Tinder is famously unsuccessful– he’s got no swipes— until Kramer convinces him to change his orientation to bisexual so the algorithm widens his reach, so when he switches back he’ll be swimming in matches… only to learn that there are no takes-backsies. Elaine receives a like from a cute guy she sees at the gym, but when she tries to strike up conversation in person, he gives her nothin’, zilch. Jerry gets rejected from Raya, and becomes infuriated to learn that both Kramer and Newman were accepted. Newman uses the app to date a slew of comedians– Ali Wong, Janeane Garofalo, Sarah Silverman– to rub it in Jerry’s face.
#4: Cryptocurrency
Kramer brags to the gang about Newman’s newfound success in his cryptocurrency investments, claiming to have mined the “secret coin.” They all brush him off at first, until they begin to get envious of their newly lavish lifestyle. George is dumbfounded to learn that his own father is involved, and impulsively invests all of his savings as to not be left out. Elaine pretends to understand NFTs, and must organize a J. Peterman NFT campaign for their new publication– Peterman likes the monkeys. Jerry catches Newman on his delivery route, and tries to warn George that the “secret coin” was a pump-and-dump scheme all along, but he’s too late. Mr. & Mrs. Costanza graciously allow George to come live with them once again.
#3: Working From Home
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Jerry tries to get the hang of Zoom comedy shows– but his father Morty keeps unintentionally Zoom-bombing his performances thinking he’s on the phone with Jerry, and worst of all– gets the bigger laughs. Puddy tells Elaine that he’s an essential worker as a car salesman, and she breaks up with him– again. Kramer takes advantage of the remote lifestyle, and starts working five different jobs to “beat the system.” On the other hand, George takes the complete opposite approach, and uses the work from home wave to avoid all of his responsibilities. When Steinbrenner demands he returns to office, George goes to great lengths to prove he needs to remain at home. His plan is thwarted when he's caught on camera not being… the master of his domain.
#2: Artificial Intelligence
George falls in love with Siri, the only woman who truly understands him and his needs. Jerry can’t tell if an too-successful-too-fast comic on the circuit is using ChatGPT to write his jokes, and becomes determined to catch him in the act. To do so, he enlists Kramer to heckle him to see if he can think up comebacks on the fly. The comic fails to rise to the occasion, but Jerry realizes that he’s not unfunny because he’s a robot, he’s unfunny because he’s a nepo baby. Elaine discovers that George’s new mystery woman is his phone, to which he defends– “I could be AI. How do you know I’m not AI?” Elaine retorts that George isn’t even regular intelligence– he’s An Idiot.
#1: Masks & Vax
Jerry’s new girlfriend won’t take off her mask, and he can’t tell whether or not he finds her attractive. Elaine is so eager to get vaccinated, that she tries to convince Tim Whately to sign a note to let her get the shot before everyone else. Whately agrees, on the condition that she goes out with him. She gives up, claiming she’d rather get the cough then spend another minute with him. Kramer refuses the vaccine, and makes his own instead– complete with a false vax card. George’s parents forbid him to leave the house, turning him into a bubble boy. Jerry finally convinces his girlfriend to lower her mask, and he’s relieved to find that she’s beautiful. But as soon as she’s maskless, Kramer bursts in with the shocking news that his fake vaccine doesn’t work. What’s your favorite Seinfeld plotline that never happened? Let us know in the comments!
