Top 10 Fastest Broadway Songs
#10: “The Speed Test”
“Thoroughly Modern Millie”
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This 1920s Jazz Age musical is a wild ride from start to finish. This number is no exception. When the unflappable flapper Millie Dillmount shows up in an executive’s office to flaunt her stenographic prowess, it becomes a showcase for its performers’ technique. Floor wax never seemed so urgent. As the contents of the boss’ letter are repeated over and over, they gain speed each time, until even the actor is barely able to keep up. Interpolated with a Gilbert and Sullivan tune, “The Speed Test” finishes with a flourish of frenetic pacing and lyrics colliding into each other.
#9: “Tschaikowsky (and Other Russians)”
“Lady in the Dark”
Ira Gershwin and Kurt Weill produced several wickedly funny classics, but this is probably one of the most bizarre. It’s not really a song at all, but more of a musicalized list of the names of significant Russian composers. Performer Danny Kaye made his early career with the number. His mastery of the song became a running theme of his performances in the show, with Kaye trying to top his personal best time like a marathon runner. A performer doesn’t just have the speed to contend with. The pronunciation of the Russian names can be a challenge on its own for non-native speakers.
#8: “Model Behavior”
“Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown”
Adapted from the 1988 classic by Pedro Almodóvar, this musical tells the story of a group of women with wildly complicated love lives. The high-strung fashion model Candela blasts into the show with a song about her relationship woes, and it’s a doozy. She’s taken up all the space on her friend Pepa’s answering machine with her endless tirades about her new suspicious boyfriend and non sequiturs about spiders, raisins, and melons. Although the show ended prematurely, Laura Benanti’s expert handling of this funny and vocally demanding number won her a Tony nomination.
#7: “We Both Reached for the Gun”
“Chicago”
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There is a lot going on here. The speed at which this song comes at you is, like, the third most memorable thing about it. There’s the ventriloquist staging, in which the lawyer, Billy Flynn, manipulates the journalists like, forgive the expression, puppets on a string. The interplay between alleged murderer Roxie Hart and Flynn’s virtuous version of her that he wants the press to believe makes for a hilarious watch. The Vaudeville-inspired number is a feat of vocal acrobatics, with virtually no chances to get a breath in. Lyrics fly out of the characters’ mouths with abandon, and between that and the precise choreography, it leaves very little room for mistakes.
#6: “If You Hadn't, But You Did”
“Two on the Aisle”
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This musical revue by Betty Comden and Adolph Green is largely forgotten except by die-hard fans and historians, and hasn’t been performed since its original 1951 Broadway production. What does survive is this darkly amusing song told from the point of view of a jilted lover. “If You Hadn’t, But You Did” is basically a list of reasons why she was justified in killing her lover, addressed to the dead guy himself. His cheating and disregard for her feelings fuels her burning rant. In the years since the show was produced, the track has been revived and performed by Liza Minnelli and “Wicked” star Kristin Chenoweth.
#5: “Therapy”
“Tick, Tick… Boom!”
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Jonathan Larson’s explosive musical memoir is about an artist who always feels like he’s running out of time. “Therapy” is a manic number played against the destruction of his relationship due to his obsession to complete the score for his musical. Given the desperate theme, it only increases in speed and intensity as it goes along. Complicating it further but also serving to add an extra layer of emotion, is the way the two actors sing different parts of the song at the same time, and at different speeds. As the couple dig into the problems plaguing their relationship, the entire thing spins out of control. In the film adaptation, this duet is performed with Karessa on stage instead, which is a cool changeup.
#4: “Ya Got Trouble”
“The Music Man”
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Given how many ideas conman Harold Hill presents in this number, it’s not all that surprising that this was originally a monologue. In fact, Meredith Willson considered cutting it before turning it into the patter song we all know and love now. “Ya Got Trouble” grabs hold of the musical’s ensemble like a sermon, and it makes sense. If anything, Hill’s ability to tear through the lyrics of the song without tripping over his own tongue is a miracle in itself. His fear-mongering rant about the evils of pool is a stunning feat of writing and performance when done well, and it’s easily one of the show’s most enduring tunes.
#3: “The Museum Song”
“Barnum”
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It’s incredibly fitting that this number is half showtune, half commercial. After all, notorious showman P.T. Barnum always employed a healthy mix to promote himself and his cavalcade of circus animals and sideshow performers. “The Museum Song” from “Barnum” is a prime example of musical spectacle. Barnum lists his attractions with the pressured speech of an over-caffeinated carnival barker. Every detail sounds more amazing and ridiculous than the last. And just in case you don’t catch every word, don’t worry. By the time he gets through telling you about his Mona Lisa made of ice, he’s already pretty much going through the entire list again.
#2: “I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General”
“The Pirates of Penzance”
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Gilbert and Sullivan’s comic operas are a different breed from what we now know as modern musicals. Since their original stagings, the shows have been revived on Broadway, the West End, and beyond. Their scores are legendary for the amount of words and wit they could pack into a song. This “Pirates of Penzance” number is among their most famous and their most difficult. With its tongue-twisting cultural references and increasingly surprising rhymes, it’s a treat for the ear that’s able to catch every turn of phrase. For the rest of us, it’s just a marvel of speed.
Before we unveil our top pick, here are a few honorable mentions.
“Guns and Ships,” “Hamilton”
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“Sing,” “A Chorus Line”
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“Both Sides of the Coin,” “The Mystery of Edwin Drood”
Two Characters Break the Fourth Wall at Breakneck Speed
“The Money Song”, “Cabaret”
This Patter Song Was Written for the Movie Adaptation & Later Added Into the Score
“Putting It Together”, “Sunday in the Park with George”
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#1: “Getting Married Today”
“Company”
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Stephen Sondheim’s series of vignettes about married couples presents all kinds of thoughts, opinions, and stances on marriage. His work often requires a singer who can keep up, a prime example being the song “Another Hundred People”. In “Getting Married Today,” a bride-to-be’s wedding day breakdown gives new meaning to the phrase “cold feet.” Her list of reasons not to get married is as long as the time between her words is short. If you’re going to perform this one, you need to have crisp diction and a whole lot of breath control.
Which of these songs do you think is the hardest to sing? Tell us in the comments.
