Double Incest, Burrito-Borne Virus & Naming Chinese Babes: The Dispatch #35

Script Written by Jesse Polowin & Adrian Sousa A man from California has demanded he gets paid in burritos instead of money after declining Chipotle Mexican Grill’s cash settlement outside of court. He and many other people had protracted norovirus from the popular Mexican restaurant. Also, a British family has capitalized on an easy money making strategy by creating a website to help Chinese families name their children. And finally, a woman in Oklahoma has been arrested with her daughter for a scandal involving them marrying each other. Incest is illegal, and this isn’t the first time this woman has engaged in an incestuous relationship.

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Double Incest, Burrito-Borne Virus & Naming Chinese Babes: The Dispatch #35

There’s probably a reason why you haven’t heard of these stories, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t interesting! Welcome to, and this is The Dispatch, where we bring you the Internet’s weirdest and coolest stories! This week, we’re looking at Chinese baby name creators, burrito payback and double incest marriage!

#3: Burrito-Borne Bonanza

2015 had many stories of tragedy, including the tragic-yet-so-much-less-important outbreak of foodborne illnesses for customers of Chipotle. Fortunately, these cases were mostly resolved out of court, with the international Mexican food giant providing cash settlements to individuals affected by the outbreak. But, one complainant actually wasn’t satisfied with the offer and was more interested in the very thing that made them sick in the first place: more burritos. The outbreaks began in August of last year when 243 customers reported getting sick with “norovirus” after eating at the Chipotle in Simi Valley, California. When a company experiences an episode like this, it’s rare to make a quick recovery. But judging from one customer who “only wanted free burritos”, Chipotle seems to have built the kind of loyal following and fan base that even contaminated food can’t stop.

#2: Chinese Baby Namer

One family’s excursion to China involved something you rarely come across on bus tours or information pamphlets; naming people’s babies. There’s an ongoing obsession with the western world in China, and the Jessup family of Gloucestershire, England, experienced it first hand when their daughter Beau was asked to give an English name to a newborn baby. “I’m not really qualified or relevant enough in that baby’s life to give it a name,” thought Beau, surprised when she was asked to give an English name to a family friend’s baby. But, after finding out that some people had gone and named their kids Gandalf and Cinderella, she decided it was time to take action. This quickly evolved into the “Special Name” website which allows families to choose appropriate English names for their children. The Jessup has currently made over $80,000 from the service. So to all those baby name books and websites, your days are numbered!

#1: Double Incest

The state of Oklahoma is known for it’s successful sports franchises and amazing barbecue. This next story, however, will definitely go in the “L” column for the state.
Police reports have been circulating recently about one Patricia Ann Spann being arrested along with her daughter Misty Velvet Dawn Spann for getting married. To each other. According to 43 year old Spann, she was not in contact with her kids at all until two years ago when they were finally reunited and ‘really hit it off’. If that’s not enough crazy for you, can you believe this isn’t even the first time she’s married one of her own children? Court records from 2010 show an annulment between Patricia and her son, stemming from a 2008 marriage of the two family members. Talk about trouble in paradise. Let this be a lesson to everyone: make sure to buy that toy for your kid, or that tantrum may turn into a divorce!

So, what should the sentence be for the serial-incestor-lady?
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