1. “I love the Situation.” —Mike “the Situation”
2. “I will cut your hair while you’re sleeping.” —Angelina
3. “I feel like eating ham and drinking water. Ham. [*raspberry noise*]” —JWOWW
4. “It only takes nine pounds of pressure to break a nose.” —Pauly D
5. “Holy shit, I think I’ve got pinkeye.” —Vinnie
6. “Time to get some Ron Ron Juice in my system.” —Ronnie
7. “Tits are coming out tonight.” —JWOWW
8. “I feel like this is beneath me. I’m a bartender. I do great things.” —Angelina “Jolie”
9. “You have your penis pierced. I love it.” —Jenni “JWOWW”
10. “Anybody know how to peel garlic?” —Mike “the Situation”
Honorable Mentions: “Don’t bring dirty girls back.” — Uncredited; “I don’t give a fuck if you’re fat, you’re ugly, you’re 45 years old, I’ll dance with you.” — Vinnie; “I wanna pound out every girl in Seaside.” — Ronnie